Overcoming OCD: A Journey Towards Mental Health and Stability - Psychiatry

I have severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?

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Hello, doctor.
I am a patient with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
I am 35 years old, unmarried, and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 16 years.
Currently, I am unemployed and at home.
I really want to quickly become like a normal person, have a stable job, and start a family.
I have many symptoms.
In terms of work, for the past ten years, I have been working and earning money alongside my girlfriend.
Although I experienced OCD-related distress at work, such as repeatedly checking the company's plugs and other safety issues, I did not seek medication treatment due to a lack of insight into my condition.
In the past 2-3 years, for various reasons, my girlfriend and I have finally separated and started working independently.
I suddenly became very concerned about any minor safety issues at work that could potentially harm my life.
As a result, I have changed jobs many times recently, only to work for one day and then be unable to continue because I keep magnifying my worries about those minor safety issues.
In terms of psychological symptoms, I often have blasphemous thoughts and images that violate moral ethics, which lead me into panic.
The most painful part is that I worry about any small health issue in my body, and I constantly fear that it might be cancer, which leads me to repeatedly visit doctors and undergo tests.
If the testing procedures do not meet my expectations, I feel compelled to find a way to retest.
Moreover, I must record the doctor's reassurance that I am healthy as evidence, because I worry that I might wake up the next day and start doubting whether the doctor really told me I was fine.
In summary, I do not allow myself to feel okay or take a breather; I keep obsessing and digging for problems to torment myself.
Currently, my biggest challenge is that I once secretly visited adult entertainment venues without my girlfriend knowing, and I became extremely anxious about possibly contracting HIV.
After worrying for many years, I finally went to a medical laboratory to get tested for HIV 2-3 years ago.
I underwent intensive testing at several places, totaling 6-7 tests, all of which came back negative, so I felt relieved.
Of course, I kept the test reports as evidence.
Last year, I mustered the courage to confess to my girlfriend about my past visits to such places, and she forgave me.
However, I still feel guilty and started to worry that touching anything red might lead to HIV infection.
Therefore, in the second half of last year, I went to three medical laboratories to get tested for HIV again, and naturally, the results were negative.
Recently, I came across a medical article stating that a medical institution in Taiwan was still using reused syringes, leading to patients contracting hepatitis C.
I immediately began to imagine whether the laboratories I had previously visited might have used reused syringes, resulting in my potential HIV infection.
Even more terrifying thoughts crossed my mind: could there be unscrupulous laboratories colluding with HIV pharmaceutical companies to spread HIV using the syringes, especially targeting customers who already suspect they might be infected? After all, these customers already have doubts, and even if they were not infected before, they could be falsely diagnosed due to the laboratories' deliberate actions.
This way, the HIV pharmaceutical companies would continue to have business.
My coping mechanism is to ensure that the medical technician used a brand-new needle at the time of testing, which gives me some peace of mind.
However, I did not pay attention to this detail back then.
In other words, my OCD was not severe enough at that time to worry about these issues.
The laboratories I visited were chosen based on Google searches or by recognizing their signs while out and about.
To simplify my coping strategy, I decided to disregard the 6-7 tests from 2-3 years ago.
Even if my fears were true and I had been infected with HIV from those needles, I could rely on the three negative tests from last year to validate my health.
However, how can I verify that I was not infected during those three tests last year? It’s simple: I could just write or call the laboratories to ask.
Whatever they say, I would believe them.
After asking two places, I received reassuring answers.
As I was preparing to ask the last laboratory, I suddenly posed a significant dilemma to myself: Did I really only get tested at those three places last year? Was there a fourth place that I had forgotten? No matter how I think about it, I only remember three places, and my reports only show three.
But could there really be a fourth place that I forgot about? I later realized that the only solution would be to have my girlfriend accompany me to get tested again, so she could verify whether a brand-new needle was used.
This new test would serve to validate last year's tests, and since my girlfriend would be there to confirm, I wouldn’t need to verify again.
However, I have no intention of executing this final plan because my girlfriend and I have recently agreed that I should not undergo any more blood tests and let things happen naturally.
I have already returned to see a psychiatrist and am taking medication regularly.
Although I have seen psychiatrists many times before and gave up, this time, for my future, I must overcome my OCD.
My psychiatrist also advised me not to get tested, and many OCD treatment books mention that treating OCD involves "exposure and response prevention." Therefore, I need to resist the urge to get tested again, as this is the best and only way to combat my OCD, right?
Even though I am currently feeling extremely anxious about not being able to get tested, can I truly endure this extreme anxiety? Please, doctor, give me the mental strength to have confidence in overcoming this extreme anxiety and conquering my OCD.
My girlfriend has seriously told me that my worries are all imaginary and that I should not pay attention to them.
Otherwise, I will lack the ability to cope and withstand pressure in the future.
She also said that no one in the world worries about having HIV, gets tested, and then turns around to worry about being infected during the testing process.
If I view things through my lens, wouldn’t most people’s HIV test results also be deemed unreliable? She wants me to wake up and see the world clearly.
Finally, I deeply thank you, doctor.

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A Da, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/08/07