Struggling with Addiction: A Journey from K-Hole to Recovery

I want to quit ketamine and "bath salts."

Hello, doctor.
I'm really sorry; it's all my fault.
When I was young, I entered society early at 17 and got involved with the wrong crowd.
Back then, I was young and had no connections, so my friends were mostly those who lived off selling drugs.
In the spirit of brotherhood, I would occasionally support them! Little did I know, I ended up getting hooked! I remember the year I became addicted; I started with ketamine at 19, snorting it like it was nothing! Later, during college, I experienced frequent urination, urinary retention, headaches, and I was easily tested positive! Fortunately, before I was drafted, I managed to quit snorting, but I still used ketamine more frequently! After my military service, although I tried to live a normal life, my bad habits always followed me! I kept telling myself it would be the last time, but the next day, I was back with them! Eventually, as I started doing business and had more money, I often went to clubs with my friends.
The girls loved to party, and after trying it a couple of times, I was hooked again, indulging in everything! Plus, my older brother also used drugs, so it felt strange not to partake daily! It wasn't until President Tsai took office that the price of ketamine skyrocketed, selling for more than gold! That was when I first visited a drug rehabilitation clinic [Yongmei Clinic].
Although the director was nice and prescribed milder medications, their clinic was too close to the drug dealers! Every time I visited the doctor, I ended up using even more! Luckily, I found a way to quit using coffee (usually MDMA + a sleeping pill) with my brother, and I managed to stay clean for about three months! One day, my brother got the urge, and I was dragged back into the world of drugs! I started using more and more, and it became a routine! However, starting two years ago, I began experiencing symptoms of autonomic nervous system dysfunction, such as gastric ulcers, acid reflux (though endoscopies showed only minor issues), sleep apnea, and significant weight gain.
Initially, I thought it was just stress from work, a modern ailment! Until last September, when my girlfriend could no longer tolerate it and abruptly stopped talking to me! That’s when I realized I had gone too far! I immediately confronted my brother, and without relying on medical resources, I managed to quit both substances for almost four months! I thought I would be healthy again! Little did I know, all sorts of problems emerged: reflux, gastric ulcers, constipation, chest tightness, insomnia, difficulty getting out of bed, unexplained high blood pressure, and palpitations whenever I drank coffee or tea.
I felt sluggish, and despite various tests showing minor issues (like being overweight and slightly elevated blood lipids), my mental state improved a bit, but doctors said it was nothing serious! I was frustrated, thinking, "I quit! Why do my friends and colleagues think I’m eating too much lately?" After a chest X-ray at the end of January, I still felt unwell, but the doctor said it was nothing again! I panicked and was extremely scared, wondering what was wrong with me! In desperation, I called an old friend for support! Surprisingly, the next day, I felt completely fine! However, I ended up falling back into my old habits and started using even more! Just before the Lunar New Year, after drinking, I inexplicably began experiencing palpitations, feeling cold, weakness, and high blood pressure, which led me to the emergency room, where I confessed everything! The specialist I was referred to prescribed: Vyvanse [one pill during the day] for energy, Sertraline, and Mirtazapine [half a pill at night] for sleep.
I was told to adjust my dosage, and on the first day of taking it, I almost had a car accident! The next day, I started sleeping in, and taking Vyvanse didn’t help; I felt groggy all day...
After finishing the Sertraline, I still couldn’t sleep! When I didn’t know what to do, I reached out to an old friend again! Now, I can’t even drink without experiencing palpitations and dizziness, so I’m scared to move! I can’t touch either side, which makes it worse! I’m constantly dozing off, whether sitting or standing! Fortunately, I temporarily avoided stronger substances and used milder ones, at least allowing me to pretend to be a normal person! But this isn’t a solution, as now the drug dealers are using formula substances to evade police detection, which are similar to MDMA and sleeping pills, but who knows what they’re mixed with! Sometimes I feel great, but other times I just get palpitations! I’m sorry, doctor, for saying so much! I really don’t know what to do anymore!

Bù zhīdào gāi zěnme bàn de rén, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/03/05

Dr. Zhan Jiaxiang reply Psychiatry

Hello, based on your description, you have previously used ketamine and, in an attempt to quit it, started using caffeine, which has led to greater difficulties.
Since drugs can cause various levels of damage to the brain, using a second substance to quit the first often does not resolve the issue and may even exacerbate the harm.
However, your determination to quit these substances is commendable.
I recommend that you seek a medical facility that offers substance use disorder treatment services for a comprehensive physiological and psychological assessment and treatment.
You can contact the health bureau of your local county or city government to obtain adequate medical information.
Through continuous follow-up treatment, most cases can achieve a significant degree of improvement.

Reply Date: 2018/03/05

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a very challenging and complex journey with addiction and its aftermath. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to share your story and seek help. Addiction is a multifaceted issue that affects not only the individual but also their relationships, mental health, and overall well-being.

From your account, it seems that your substance use began at a young age and escalated over time, leading to a cycle of dependency that has had significant repercussions on your physical and mental health. The symptoms you describe, such as gastrointestinal issues, sleep disturbances, anxiety, and heart palpitations, are not uncommon among individuals who have struggled with substance use and withdrawal. These symptoms can be exacerbated by the stress of addiction and the body's response to the substances you were using.

The journey to recovery from addiction is often fraught with challenges, including withdrawal symptoms, cravings, and the psychological impact of past substance use. It’s important to understand that the feelings of anxiety, panic, and physical symptoms you are experiencing may be related to both the withdrawal from substances and the underlying issues that may have contributed to your substance use in the first place.

Here are some steps you might consider taking as you navigate this difficult path:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s crucial to work with healthcare professionals who specialize in addiction and mental health. They can provide you with a comprehensive assessment and develop a tailored treatment plan that may include therapy, medication, and support groups. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic modalities can be particularly effective in addressing the psychological aspects of addiction.

2. Consider Medication Management: If you are experiencing significant anxiety, depression, or other mental health symptoms, medication may be necessary to help stabilize your mood and reduce cravings. It’s important to discuss this with a psychiatrist who can monitor your response to any medications and adjust them as needed.

3. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand your journey. This could include family, friends, or support groups such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar challenges can provide comfort and encouragement.

4. Focus on Lifestyle Changes: Incorporating healthy habits into your daily routine can have a positive impact on your recovery. This includes regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices such as meditation or yoga. These activities can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.

5. Address Underlying Issues: Often, addiction is a symptom of deeper emotional or psychological issues. Working with a therapist can help you explore these underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

6. Avoid Triggers: Identify situations or people that trigger your cravings and try to avoid them as much as possible. This may mean distancing yourself from certain friends or environments that encourage substance use.

7. Be Patient with Yourself: Recovery is a process that takes time. There will be ups and downs, and it’s important to be kind to yourself during this journey. Celebrate small victories and recognize that setbacks can be part of the healing process.

In conclusion, your journey from addiction to recovery is a significant one, and it’s essential to approach it with a comprehensive plan that addresses both your physical and mental health needs. By seeking professional help, building a support network, and making positive lifestyle changes, you can work towards a healthier and more fulfilling life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources and people available to help you along the way.

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