Is That Child Mine? Paternity Concerns After a Breakup

Is the child mine?

I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that.

Leika, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/11/17

Dr. Huang Jianzhong reply Obstetrics and Gynecology

My ex-girlfriend and I were together for five months, and we only had intercourse on the second and third days after our breakup (without a condom, but due to a lack of sexual desire, it lasted only 5-10 minutes, and there was no ejaculation).
After the breakup, she quickly started dating someone new and got married (who is now her husband).
After some time, she had a baby...
From the last time we had intercourse to her giving birth, a total of 293 days passed.
I know that the general calculation is based on the woman's last menstrual period, adding two weeks for the fertile window and then 266 days from fertilization to delivery, totaling 40 weeks (280 days)...
but this is only applicable when couples have frequent intercourse each week, making it difficult to pinpoint the exact day of conception, right? However, I am quite certain about when we had intercourse, and since male sperm can survive in the female body for about 1-3 days, if conception did occur, it would likely be around 3 + 266 = 269 days.
Considering individual variations, it could be around 280 days.
I want to ask if there is a chance that the child could be mine...
The woman and her family are living a happy and fulfilling life now, and I am just worried and afraid that her husband might discover that the child is not his...
that would ruin everything for them...
(The child is already two years old, very cute, and everyone agrees that he looks just like her husband...
but looking alike doesn't prove anything, as there is no medical basis...) I am asking this to clarify and to remove the knot in my heart; I really hope the child is not mine...
Answer: DNA paternity testing is the most accurate, but that is something for the future.

Reply Date: 2018/11/17

More Info

When it comes to concerns about paternity, especially in the context of a breakup, it can be a complex and emotionally charged situation. Based on the details you've provided, there are several factors to consider regarding the likelihood of you being the biological father of your ex-girlfriend's child.

Firstly, the timing of your last sexual encounter with your ex-girlfriend is crucial. You mentioned that you had intercourse two days before the breakup, and that the relationship was brief, lasting only five months. The average menstrual cycle for women is about 28 days, but this can vary. Ovulation typically occurs around 14 days after the first day of the last menstrual period (LMP). Sperm can survive in a woman's reproductive tract for up to five days, but the window for fertilization is relatively narrow.

Given that you had intercourse shortly before the breakup and considering the average gestation period of 40 weeks (or approximately 280 days), the timeline you provided suggests that if your ex-girlfriend conceived shortly after your encounter, it would be within the realm of possibility for you to be the father. However, if she became pregnant after starting a relationship with her new partner, the chances of you being the biological father decrease significantly.

It's also important to note that while physical resemblance can sometimes lead to assumptions about paternity, it is not a definitive indicator. Genetic traits can be inherited from either parent, and children can resemble grandparents or other relatives as well. Therefore, visual similarities between the child and her new husband do not provide conclusive evidence regarding paternity.

If you are seeking clarity and peace of mind regarding your concerns, the most definitive way to address paternity issues is through genetic testing. A paternity test can provide conclusive evidence regarding whether or not you are the biological father of the child. These tests are typically straightforward and can be conducted through a simple cheek swab, which is then analyzed in a laboratory.

It's understandable to feel apprehensive about the implications of such a test, especially considering the potential impact on your ex-girlfriend's current family. However, if you are feeling a significant emotional burden regarding this situation, it may be worth pursuing the test for your own peace of mind.
In addition to the biological aspects, it's also essential to consider the emotional and relational dynamics at play. If you are worried about the well-being of the child and the implications for your ex-girlfriend's current relationship, it may be helpful to reflect on your motivations for wanting to know the truth. If the child is indeed not yours, it may provide you with the closure you need to move forward.

In conclusion, while there is a possibility that you could be the father based on the timing of events, the most reliable way to determine paternity is through genetic testing. This decision should be made with careful consideration of the emotional ramifications for all parties involved, including the child, your ex-girlfriend, and her current partner. Ultimately, seeking clarity can help you address your concerns and allow you to move forward with your life.

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