Supporting a Loved One in Denial of Mental Health Issues: A Family Guide

Q: Supporting a Loved One in Denial of Mental Health Issues: A Family Guide

Hello, online friend： Is it possible to persuade her to seek medical attention using reasons that are more acceptable to the elderly, such as "insomnia," "autonomic nervous system disorder," "neurasthenia," or "undergoing a physical examination"? If that doesn't work, let's take

When facing a patient who is unaware of their illness and unwilling to seek medical attention, how can we, as family members, provide support?

Hello, Doctor.
I apologize for taking up your valuable time! My mother is an emotionally expressive person who often brings up past sorrows, but she always ends with self-comfort, saying she has gotten through them.
Since I work away from home, I don’t visit often, but I do call my family regularly.
Over the past couple of years, my mother's negative emotions have become increasingly apparent; every time I return home, she inevitably mentions past events, and even during recent phone calls, she ends up crying while sharing her feelings.
I have previously tried to suggest that she seek medical help, but whenever I bring up related treatment options, she becomes very agitated, as if she cannot face the reality that she is struggling with her mental health.
We have younger siblings at home (about five years younger) who have always been quite mischievous, often causing our parents to go to school to address issues.
Now, due to financial and health factors, there is greater tension between my parents and me, which exacerbates my mother's negative thoughts.
There is a memorable incident in our family; while other family members have managed to heal over time, my mother continues to dwell on it, feeling endlessly sad because she believes that the relatives on my father's side harbor grievances against her.
In reality, our family understands that no one should be blamed for that incident; it was just a moment of emotional outburst, and those words shouldn’t be taken seriously.
However, my mother remains fixated on it, and even my father's comfort and persuasion have been ineffective.
Our extended family is generally very joyful, and we all feel for my mother as she is affected by her emotions, but we feel helpless.
The elders in my family are quite traditional and reluctant to address mental health issues, even going so far as to reject the topic, which is very troubling for us women.
Thank you, Doctor, for taking the time to read this, and I hope you can offer us some advice.

Pei Ban de jia shu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/04/15

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, online friend: Is it possible to persuade her to seek medical attention using reasons that are more acceptable to the elderly, such as "insomnia," "autonomic nervous system disorder," "neurasthenia," or "undergoing a physical examination"? If that doesn't work, let's take turns accompanying her, so that the responsibility doesn't fall on one person, which could lead to excessive caregiver stress and illness.
Dr.
Wu Enliang

Reply Date: 2021/04/15

More Info

Supporting a loved one who is in denial about their mental health issues can be a challenging and delicate situation. It sounds like your mother is experiencing significant emotional distress, which is manifesting in her tendency to dwell on past traumas and express negative feelings. This can be particularly difficult for family members who want to help but feel powerless when faced with a loved one’s denial or resistance to seeking help.

First and foremost, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Your mother’s emotional responses may stem from a combination of unresolved issues, stressors in her life, and possibly even a fear of confronting her mental health. Denial is a common defense mechanism, and it can be particularly pronounced in individuals from traditional backgrounds where mental health issues are often stigmatized or misunderstood.

Here are some strategies you can consider to support your mother:
1. Open Communication: Create a safe space for your mother to express her feelings without judgment. Instead of directly suggesting she seek professional help, you might start by asking open-ended questions about her feelings and experiences. This can help her feel heard and understood, which may gradually reduce her defensiveness.

2. Normalize Mental Health Conversations: Share your own experiences or those of others (without breaching confidentiality) regarding mental health. This can help normalize the conversation and make her feel less isolated. You might say something like, “I’ve been reading about how many people go through tough times and find it helpful to talk to someone.”
3. Use Indirect Approaches: Since your mother reacts strongly to suggestions of seeking help, consider framing it in a way that feels less threatening. For example, you could suggest a general health check-up, mentioning that it’s always good to take care of one’s overall well-being, which could include discussing emotional health.

4. Encourage Self-Care: Encourage activities that promote emotional well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies she enjoys. Sometimes, small changes can lead to significant improvements in mood and outlook.

5. Family Support: Involve other family members in the conversation, if appropriate. A united front can sometimes help in conveying the message that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. However, be cautious about how this is approached to avoid overwhelming her.

6. Seek Professional Guidance for Yourself: It can be incredibly helpful for you and other family members to seek guidance from a mental health professional on how to best support your mother. They can provide strategies tailored to your family dynamics and your mother’s specific situation.

7. Be Patient: Change takes time, especially when it comes to mental health. Your mother may not be ready to acknowledge her struggles immediately, and that’s okay. Continue to offer your support and love without pressure.

8. Recognize Signs of Crisis: If your mother’s emotional state worsens or if you notice signs of severe depression or suicidal thoughts, it’s crucial to seek immediate professional help. This may involve contacting a mental health crisis line or taking her to a healthcare provider.

In conclusion, supporting a loved one in denial about their mental health requires a compassionate and patient approach. By fostering open communication, normalizing mental health discussions, and encouraging self-care, you can help create an environment where your mother feels safe to explore her feelings and, hopefully, consider seeking professional help in the future. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and seeking support for yourself is equally important as you navigate these challenges.

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