Your Child's Emotional Outbursts: When to Seek Help

Q: Your Child's Emotional Outbursts: When to Seek Help

Hello： Based on your description, it seems that the child is very sensitive to the emotional fluctuations of others and is quite worried and fearful of being reprimanded by teachers or family members for not performing well. <br>When emotions arise, they tend to last for a longer

The child's emotions only occur at home?

Hello doctor, my child is currently 4 years and 10 months old, a boy.
His performance at school is reported to be very good by his teachers, but if he makes a mistake, he worries about the teacher being angry and does not want to go to school the next day.
His behavior at home is quite different from at school; he often cries and throws tantrums for over 30 minutes, yelling, hitting, and kicking.
He cries and throws a tantrum about 1 to 2 times a week.
I have noticed that he is particularly sensitive to his parents' emotions.
He often starts crying and throwing a fit when he does something wrong, engages in dangerous behavior, is not allowed to do something, or when his needs are not met.
If we express even slight anger, he will start to cry and repeatedly say, "Why are you doing this? I don't want you to do this." Sometimes, when we warn him by saying, "If you keep doing this, I will get angry," in an effort to stop him from engaging in dangerous behavior, he will begin to cry.
After he calms down, we teach him the right thing to do, and he understands, but the next time he experiences strong emotions, he is unable to distinguish right from wrong.
I know he is affected by his parents' emotions, but it is impossible for us to not express any emotions.
We took him to see a doctor when he was 3 years old, but he behaved normally in front of the doctor.
I would like to ask the doctor if my child's emotional expressions are only shown in front of his parents while he is normal at school, does this indicate an emotional disorder? Does he need further evaluation at a hospital? Thank you, doctor!

Ye Xiansheng, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/10/18

Dr. Wu Menghuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: Based on your description, it seems that the child is very sensitive to the emotional fluctuations of others and is quite worried and fearful of being reprimanded by teachers or family members for not performing well.
When emotions arise, they tend to last for a longer period before settling down.
When a child makes a mistake, it is advisable for parents to first stabilize their own emotions and maintain a firm yet gentle attitude, explaining to the child how to handle the situation in a neutral manner.
Just as adults need an outlet to express their emotions when feeling down, when a child is crying or throwing a tantrum, it is important to provide empathy and companionship, as long as the environment is safe.

It may be helpful to analyze the antecedents and consequences of the child's crying or tantrums.
For instance, younger children may not have sufficient verbal skills to express their dissatisfaction and may resort to crying or tantrums.
Parents can try to help the child articulate their current emotional state and the reasons for their anger.
As the child becomes more capable of expressing their opinions verbally, instances of crying and tantrums are likely to decrease.

Additionally, it is important not to give in to the child's demands or exempt them from responsibilities simply because they are crying; this will only reinforce their crying behavior.
Also, don't forget to provide encouragement and praise when the child exhibits positive behavior.
It is recommended to consult a child and adolescent psychiatrist for an evaluation and to discuss behavioral intervention methods.
Thank you.

Reply Date: 2021/10/18

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a challenging situation with your 4-year-old son, particularly regarding his emotional outbursts at home. It's important to understand that children often express their emotions differently in various environments. The fact that your son behaves well at school but struggles at home can indicate that he feels safe to express his emotions in a familiar environment, where he knows he is loved and accepted.

Understanding Emotional Outbursts
Children at this age are still developing their emotional regulation skills. They may not yet have the vocabulary or understanding to articulate their feelings, which can lead to outbursts when they feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or misunderstood. Your son's sensitivity to your emotions is also a key factor; children are often very perceptive and can pick up on their parents' feelings, which can exacerbate their own emotional responses.

When to Seek Help
While it is common for children to have emotional outbursts, especially when they are tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed, there are certain signs that may indicate a need for professional help:
1. Frequency and Intensity: If the outbursts are frequent (more than a couple of times a week) and intense (lasting longer than 30 minutes), it may be beneficial to seek help.

2. Impact on Daily Life: If these emotional outbursts are affecting your child’s ability to participate in daily activities, such as playdates, family outings, or even school, it may be time to consult a professional.

3. Difficulty with Transitions: If your child struggles significantly with transitions, such as moving from one activity to another or coping with changes in routine, this could indicate underlying anxiety or emotional regulation issues.

4. Physical Aggression: If your child is hitting, kicking, or otherwise physically aggressive during these outbursts, it’s important to address this behavior promptly to ensure the safety of everyone involved.

5. Parental Concerns: If you and your partner feel that your child’s behavior is beyond what is typical for his age, or if you are feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to manage his emotions, seeking help can provide you with strategies and support.

Steps to Take
1. Consult a Pediatrician or Child Psychologist: A professional can assess your child’s behavior and determine if there are any underlying issues that need to be addressed. They can provide guidance on whether therapy or other interventions may be beneficial.

2. Behavioral Strategies: In the meantime, consider implementing some behavioral strategies at home. Consistent routines, clear expectations, and positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior can help your child feel more secure and reduce anxiety.

3. Emotional Regulation Skills: Teach your child simple techniques for managing emotions, such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to express feelings. Role-playing different scenarios can also help him practice these skills.

4. Modeling Emotions: It’s important to model healthy emotional expression. Let your child see you express your feelings in appropriate ways, and talk about how you manage your emotions. This can help him learn that it’s okay to feel upset but that there are constructive ways to cope.

5. Quality Time: Spend quality time with your child engaging in activities he enjoys. This can strengthen your bond and provide him with a sense of security, making it easier for him to express himself in a healthy way.

Conclusion
In summary, while it’s normal for children to have emotional outbursts, especially when they are still learning to navigate their feelings, it’s important to monitor the frequency and intensity of these behaviors. If you have concerns, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for guidance. They can provide you with the tools and strategies needed to help your child develop better emotional regulation skills and ensure that he feels supported in both home and school environments. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and seeking help is a proactive step towards fostering your child's emotional well-being.

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