Dealing with a Parent's Paranoia: Seeking Help for Delusional Disorders

I'm really fed up with my mom?

Hello, doctor: I have researched a lot about paranoid delusions and have scoured the internet for information, but I feel like I'm going crazy.
I can't think of any way to get my mom to willingly (or trick her into) see a psychiatrist (or a psychosomatic specialist).
To be honest, I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind, but at least I know I should seek external help.
However, a person with mental illness continues to live their life in that state and can negatively affect others around them.
There are countless examples, but what I find most unbearable is that every time we go out, she insists on checking the surveillance cameras.
You might think it's strange to check the cameras before leaving the house, as if we were trying to escape or hide from enemies.
I apologize, but in her mind, there is a 'temple' of delusions where every day is filled with threats against her.
If 'anyone' passes by our house, she will curse at the cameras, using embarrassing language.
That's not all; when I go out, I have to be driven by her.
I'm not a three-year-old child without a driver's license; she insists that I sit behind her and 'watch' the cameras the entire time.
If I accidentally come close to any pedestrians or cyclists, she starts berating me: "How are you watching the cameras? Do you know your life is in danger? They might hit you with their car or offer you corn; you might as well just die." Listening to her insults is one thing, but it gets even more ridiculous when we leave the camera's range.
Once we're on the road, the entire area becomes her imagined temple headquarters.
If she sees someone behind her while riding a bike, she assumes someone is following her and starts riding erratically, circling until the road is empty, which is truly pathetic as she is always late for school.
Moreover, her controlling behavior is incredibly strong.
After finally managing to work in another location, hoping to escape her control, she starts forcing me to call her every day.
This might seem harmless, just a sign of filial concern, right? Wrong! She tells others that if I don't call her, it's fine, but you can try not calling her and see what happens.
The next day, she will call my workplace frantically, trying to get me back under her control.
Every call is filled with sarcastic remarks and complaints about how the temple is against her.
Listening to her is always negative; she never has anything positive to say.
Each call lasts over an hour (no exaggeration), and every week, she forces me to come home.
Once I'm home, I have to check the cameras again; if I don't go home, I have to wait until I see her at work.
To be honest, she has driven me to the brink of madness.
I really want to see a doctor or a therapist, but after the appointment, I would still have to deal with her, which is truly frustrating.
The doctor would probably suggest that I encourage her to seek treatment by mentioning her sleep issues or having family members talk to her.
But I'm sorry, her self-esteem is extremely high; she refuses to seek treatment for her high blood pressure, and asking her to take medication feels like asking for her life.
As for injections, forget it; she would run away from a blood draw.
I've tried almost every example I found online, only to receive insults and sarcastic remarks in return, and sometimes even cold treatment.
In her eyes, she believes she is the most normal person, while everyone else is beneath her, even her grandmother, whom she also insults.
Although my grandmother has consulted a nearby clinic, the doctor said they couldn't do anything since she didn't show up.
It's truly sad.
I also found information about doctors making home visits, but that's impossible.
As I mentioned earlier, if 'anyone' passes by our house, they are deemed part of the temple.
It doesn't matter who they are; if she doesn't want to open the door, she won't.
Even the mailman is considered sent by the temple, and even if they come in, they would probably just be chased away.
I have looked into involuntary treatment, but that only applies if there is a risk of self-harm or harm to others.
She is afraid of pain and would never harm me, who is physically larger than her.
There seems to be no solution.
Thank you, doctor, for reading everything.
I can no longer express my inner feelings; I've tried everything I could, and I only feel powerless.
I believe the hardest illness to treat is paranoid delusions because at least those who are ill know they should see a doctor, but she lacks insight into her condition and lives entirely in her fantasies.
If you tell her she has paranoid delusions, all you get in return is curses.
It's truly pitiful; she imagines threats every day and feels happy about harming those around her.
I have really had enough.

Jing shen bing wu yao ke yi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/12/27

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry

Hello,
Your mother's condition is indeed very serious, and it can be quite challenging to live under the same roof with her.
Although it seems difficult, there are solutions available.
You can start by visiting the local health center and informing the public health nurse about your mother's situation.
The public health nurse may conduct a home visit, and if necessary, they can arrange for a physician to visit your home as well.
Of course, your mother may not open the door, but you can allow the healthcare professionals to enter your home to speak with you.
They can assess her condition based on her behavior and statements.
Additionally, it is advisable to record your mother's condition regularly, which you can show to the healthcare professionals later.
Once they understand her situation, you can then visit a psychiatric outpatient clinic to have a physician prescribe medication for your mother.
There are various forms of medication, including tablets, drops, and injections, and you will need to discuss with the physician how to administer the medication to your mother.
Regarding your mention of needing self-harm or harming others to compel treatment, that is only partially correct.
If your mother is deemed to be severely ill, any behavior that poses a risk of self-harm or harm to others can lead to an application for involuntary hospitalization.
The criteria for involuntary treatment are even more lenient; according to Article 19 of the Police Power Enforcement Act, if the police determine that she poses a threat to public safety, they can take her into custody, and the location of custody can be decided by the police, which may include a hospital.
Therefore, it is still recommended that you first have the public health nurse assess the situation, allowing professionals to assist you in getting your mother the treatment she needs.
Take care!

Reply Date: 2023/12/27

More Info

Dealing with a parent's delusional disorder, particularly one characterized by paranoia, can be an incredibly challenging and distressing experience. Your situation reflects a complex interplay of mental health issues, familial dynamics, and the emotional toll it takes on you as a caregiver. It’s important to approach this situation with both compassion for your mother and a clear understanding of the steps you can take to seek help for her and yourself.

Understanding Delusional Disorders
Delusional disorders, particularly those involving paranoia, can manifest in various ways, including the belief that one is being persecuted or conspired against. In your mother’s case, her fixation on surveillance and the belief that others are out to harm her are classic symptoms of paranoia. This condition can severely impact her daily functioning and relationships, creating a toxic environment for both her and her family members.

The Importance of Professional Help
The first step in addressing your mother’s condition is to seek professional help. However, as you’ve noted, getting her to agree to see a mental health professional can be incredibly difficult, especially if she lacks insight into her condition. Here are some strategies you might consider:
1. Engage a Trusted Third Party: Sometimes, individuals are more receptive to advice from someone outside the immediate family. If there’s a family friend, relative, or community leader whom your mother respects, consider asking them to talk to her about seeking help.

2. Use Indirect Approaches: Instead of directly confronting her about her delusions, you might frame the conversation around general mental health. For example, you could suggest that everyone could benefit from a “check-up” for mental health, similar to how one would see a doctor for physical health concerns.

3. Emergency Intervention: If your mother poses a risk to herself or others, it may be necessary to involve emergency services. This could lead to an involuntary psychiatric evaluation, which, while distressing, may be necessary for her safety and the safety of those around her.

4. Home Visits by Mental Health Professionals: In some areas, mental health professionals offer home visits. This could be a less intimidating option for your mother, as it allows her to remain in her familiar environment while receiving care.

5. Family Therapy: If your mother is open to it, family therapy can provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and concerns. A therapist can help mediate discussions and provide strategies for improving communication within the family.

Self-Care for Caregivers
As you navigate this difficult situation, it’s crucial to prioritize your own mental health. The stress of caring for someone with a delusional disorder can lead to feelings of helplessness, anxiety, and even depression. Here are some self-care strategies:
- Seek Support: Consider joining a support group for families dealing with mental illness. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly validating and helpful.

- Set Boundaries: While it’s important to support your mother, it’s equally important to set boundaries to protect your own mental health. This might mean limiting the time you spend discussing her delusions or taking breaks when her behavior becomes overwhelming.

- Professional Counseling: Engaging with a therapist for yourself can provide you with coping strategies and a safe space to process your feelings.

Conclusion
Dealing with a parent’s delusional disorder is undoubtedly challenging, but it’s essential to remember that help is available. By seeking professional assistance, utilizing indirect approaches, and taking care of your own mental health, you can navigate this difficult situation more effectively. It’s a long and often frustrating journey, but with the right support and strategies, there is hope for improvement. Your well-being is just as important as your mother’s, and finding a balance between the two is crucial for both of you.

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