If you suspect that a male family member may have potential traits of an obsessive or dangerous partner (though this is just a guess), how should you handle the situation?
Due to a family member being middle-aged and still single, they have been wanting to try to get to know the opposite sex but have struggled to deepen their understanding of potential partners.
Recently, they started using online platforms to meet women and have found one female acquaintance (hereafter referred to as "the online friend") who is willing to chat with them.
The family member has been actively updating the online friend about their life, similar to a daily report.
Later, the online friend asked if they had always been single, which surprised the family member, as they felt their situation had been exposed.
They later learned that the online friend had a friend who expressed themselves similarly, making the online friend perceptive enough to ask the question.
They arranged to meet once, but the family member was stood up, and afterward, the online friend's attitude became indifferent, leading to the gradual removal of the family member from their online connections.
(I personally think it's normal for the online friend to lose interest.)
However, the family member has started frequently questioning whether being single is wrong, expressing negative thoughts about their lack of experience, and feeling that society is unfair.
They are also fixated on the online friend's actions and words (indicating that they care about what the online friend said).
Although I am not aware of all the details, I hope they can view relationships more normally.
How can I assist them? Do they need counseling?
P.S.
They often do not want to hear what family members say, feeling that family only contradicts them and believes they lack experience.
Conversely, they are more receptive to what outside friends say, but I am unsure if they discuss these matters with friends.
Currently, they often keep their thoughts to themselves, only sharing partial content.
Dongdong, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2024/03/21
Dr. Cai Qijin reply Psychiatry
Hello: As mentioned in the text, family members may develop negative thoughts after experiencing setbacks in online dating.
It is advisable to encourage them to express themselves more, providing support and empathy without necessarily offering direct advice.
Understanding their concerns is important, and if they are willing, you can discuss the issues together.
If they continue to struggle emotionally and it affects their daily life, it may be worth considering a visit to a mental health specialist or consulting with a psychologist.
Reply Date: 2024/03/21
More Info
Supporting a family member who may exhibit obsessive relationship traits can be a delicate and challenging endeavor. In your case, it seems that your family member is navigating the complexities of online dating and is struggling with feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Here are some strategies to help him through this period, while also considering the potential need for professional support.
1. Open Communication
Encourage open and honest communication. Let him know that you are there to listen without judgment. Sometimes, individuals in his situation may feel isolated or misunderstood, especially if they perceive that family members are critical or dismissive of their feelings. By creating a safe space for him to express his thoughts and emotions, you can help him process his experiences more effectively.
2. Normalize His Feelings
It’s important to validate his feelings of frustration and disappointment. Let him know that it’s completely normal to feel upset after being ghosted or rejected, especially in the context of dating. Reassure him that many people face similar challenges and that it doesn’t reflect his worth as a person. Normalizing these feelings can help reduce the stigma he may feel about being single or inexperienced in relationships.
3. Encourage Healthy Perspectives
Gently encourage him to adopt a healthier perspective on dating and relationships. Remind him that dating is a process that involves trial and error, and that not every interaction will lead to a meaningful connection. Help him understand that rejection is a part of life and does not define his value or potential for future relationships.
4. Set Boundaries with Family Dynamics
It seems that there may be some tension between him and other family members regarding how they discuss his dating life. Encourage him to express his feelings about these conversations. If he feels that family discussions are unhelpful or critical, it might be beneficial for him to set boundaries about what he is comfortable discussing. This can help reduce feelings of pressure and anxiety related to family expectations.
5. Promote Self-Reflection
Encourage him to engage in self-reflection. Journaling can be a helpful tool for processing emotions and thoughts. He might consider writing about his feelings regarding the online interactions, what he hopes to achieve in relationships, and what he values in a partner. This can help him clarify his thoughts and feelings, making it easier to communicate them to others.
6. Suggest Professional Support
If his feelings of inadequacy and frustration persist, or if he begins to exhibit signs of obsessive behavior, it may be beneficial for him to seek professional counseling. A therapist can provide him with coping strategies, help him work through his feelings of rejection, and assist him in developing healthier relationship patterns. Therapy can also provide a neutral space for him to explore his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
7. Encourage Social Engagement
Encourage him to engage in social activities outside of online dating. This could include joining clubs, participating in community events, or pursuing hobbies that interest him. Building a broader social network can help him gain confidence and reduce the pressure he may feel from focusing solely on romantic relationships.
Conclusion
Supporting a family member with potential obsessive relationship traits requires patience, empathy, and understanding. By fostering open communication, normalizing his feelings, and encouraging self-reflection, you can help him navigate this challenging time. If necessary, suggesting professional support can provide him with the tools he needs to develop healthier perspectives on relationships. Remember, the goal is to empower him to take control of his emotional well-being while also respecting his autonomy in the process.
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