Struggling with Mental Health: Seeking Answers from My Psychiatrist

Please give me a response, doctor?

Hello Dr.
Tang,
I am currently studying at a junior college and I am not happy at all.
I have been struggling with my condition for nearly four years.
Here is my description: I have a mental illness and initially considered whether to enroll in junior college.
Since I started my studies, there are times when I either forget what the teacher says or I don’t hear it at all, or I hear it but don’t understand it (besides not paying attention).
Sometimes, even after listening, my thinking is slow or I am unable to think! I have issues in every subject; I feel like I am a problem student! In my electronic practice classes, I have to ask the teacher repeatedly.
The teacher teaches me, but since I am in a group, my classmates also hear the instructions.
The problem is that even after the teacher explains something, I still can’t grasp it until a classmate (from my group) teaches me three or four times, or I practice it myself three or four times and write down the steps before I understand it.
What others learn quickly, I may take a long time to grasp! This semester, I am studying engineering mathematics, and I am still facing the same issues.
I either forget or confuse the basic concepts, and I keep asking the teacher questions.
Last time, the teacher explained the same principle three times, and I still didn’t understand it, or I didn’t hear it, or I heard it but didn’t comprehend it.
Even the simplest calculation, like -6 + 13, takes me a long time to figure out, and I struggle with applying formulas! While others can quickly calculate or understand concepts, I take a long time and sometimes can’t even arrive at the answer without someone carefully teaching me.
Now when I ask the engineering math teacher, they seem to have given up on me and leave right after class, without even considering my questions! I don’t have good relationships with my classmates; I am quiet and somewhat socially awkward, and I have no friends in class! Sometimes, when I want to talk to classmates (or others), I feel scared because it feels like acting, somewhat fake and superficial.
Besides not being able to find teachers (who have poor attitudes), I also have to attend tutoring sessions after class, which adds a lot of pressure! I feel like I am going crazy from engineering mathematics; since the semester started, I have only focused on that subject, and I have no interest in other subjects.
I know I need to solve my problems myself, but I genuinely don’t understand, which is why I ask the teachers! I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown due to academic pressure, social relationships, and the pressure of advancing my education.
I have thoughts of suicide...
I feel like that would free me from my illness and solve all my mundane problems.
My younger brother is more accomplished and has better social skills, and as the older brother, I feel worthless and that my life has no meaning! Why did that boss, who didn’t pay me, cause me to develop a mental illness!? I really hate him! I can’t stop thinking about it.
He is also a teacher, and I reported him to the education bureau, but they couldn’t take action against him.
He is very cunning, and I believe there is no such thing as karma; it’s nonsense! I am considering not pursuing further education or even dropping out.
The teachers pass me not because of my abilities, even though I study hard; I feel that receiving a diploma would be nothing but mockery and insult to me! Today, I have to attend English tutoring, and because of the situations I described, I feel a lot of pressure, frustration, and the urge to cry, so I skipped class to relieve my burden.
The school counselor’s attitude towards me has also worsened; if they didn’t know I have a mental illness, they would have already scolded me.
Sometimes, I feel detached from reality...
I have shared my situation with my psychiatrist, and after listening, he looked serious and told me to strictly follow the medication he prescribed, without choosing medications based on side effects! My liver enzyme levels are at 170, so he is cautious about prescribing strong medications.
Here is my prescription: Fluoxetine HCl 20mg/cap (brand name: Seronil) twice daily after meals, one capsule each time.
Clonazepam 0.5mg/tab (S-IV) (brand name: Rivotril) twice daily after meals, half a tablet each time.
Quetiapine 2.5mg/f.c.
tab (brand name: Seroquel) once daily before bedtime, one tablet.
Clonazepam 0.5mg/tab (S-IV) (brand name: Rivotril) once daily before bedtime, one tablet.
I have read the medication instructions, and I see that Seroquel is indicated for schizophrenia.
I don’t like being deceived or having things hidden from me.
Dr.
Tang, do I really have "schizophrenia"? [Please be honest with me].
My doctor seems reluctant to tell me the actual situation, and I am filled with doubt! Additionally, I have noticed some functions slowly deteriorating, like forgetting to wash my hands after using the restroom, and only remembering to wash them afterward...
I truly do not consider the Taiwan E Hospital as a free consultation website; I only come here when I am in difficulty seeking relief.
Although I took Seroquel yesterday and felt some improvement today, I still forget things.
I sincerely apologize for bothering you, Dr.
Tang, and I hope you can provide some advice or explanation regarding my description.
Lastly, besides saying sorry, I want to thank you, doctor.

Xiao Jie, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/10/07

Dr. Tang Xinbei reply Psychiatry

Dear Xiao Jie,
It seems that you are currently having difficulty adapting to school.
You have many doubts and concerns.
I understand that there is a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, and fear surrounding the condition known as "schizophrenia." Many individuals with schizophrenia or other mental illnesses, as well as their families, are often uncomfortable with being labeled in such a way.
In fact, the stigma associated with this illness arises from a lack of understanding, and some media outlets sometimes spread negative and incorrect information.
I would like to know how you would feel if your doctor or I were to tell you that you have schizophrenia.
Would you feel depressed? How would you view yourself? How would you face the future and the challenges in your life? Being ill is not something to be ashamed of; after all, you did not do anything wrong to become ill! What is more important is to continue receiving treatment and rehabilitation, and to follow the instructions given by your doctor.
Last year, there was a movie called "A Beautiful Mind," which is based on a true story.
The protagonist is a Nobel Prize winner who also suffers from schizophrenia.
I recommend that you rent it and watch it.
I will leave you with my suggested motto: "Reality is more important than perfection!" I hope you find peace and success.

Reply Date: 2004/10/07

More Info

Hello, thank you for sharing your experiences and concerns so openly. It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I commend you for seeking help and trying to understand your situation better. Based on your description, it seems that you are dealing with a complex interplay of mental health issues that have been affecting your life for several years.

From what you've shared, it appears that you may be experiencing symptoms consistent with several mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, and possibly aspects of a learning disorder or cognitive impairment. The difficulties you face in understanding and retaining information during classes, as well as your feelings of isolation and pressure, can be quite overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that these feelings and experiences are valid and deserve attention.

Your mention of feeling detached from reality and experiencing slow thinking or difficulty concentrating could indicate underlying anxiety or depressive symptoms. These conditions can significantly impact cognitive functions, making it hard to process information or engage in social interactions. The fact that you feel pressure from your studies and interpersonal relationships, coupled with thoughts of self-harm, is concerning and suggests that you may benefit from more intensive support.

The medications prescribed by your psychiatrist, including Fluoxetine (an SSRI), Clonazepam (a benzodiazepine), and Quetiapine (an atypical antipsychotic), indicate that your doctor is taking a comprehensive approach to manage your symptoms. While Quetiapine is often used in the treatment of schizophrenia, it is also prescribed for mood stabilization and anxiety disorders. It’s essential to have an open dialogue with your psychiatrist about your concerns regarding your diagnosis and treatment plan. If you feel that your doctor is not being transparent, consider seeking a second opinion or discussing your feelings directly with them.

Your feelings of inadequacy compared to your brother and the pressure to succeed academically can exacerbate your mental health struggles. It's crucial to remember that everyone has their own path, and comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of worthlessness. Finding a supportive environment, whether through friends, family, or mental health professionals, can help alleviate some of this pressure.

In terms of coping strategies, consider implementing small, manageable changes in your daily routine. Techniques such as mindfulness, journaling, or engaging in physical activities can help ground you and reduce anxiety. Additionally, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with tools to navigate your feelings and improve your coping mechanisms.

Lastly, please remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many people face similar challenges, and reaching out for help is a significant step toward healing. Your mental health is a priority, and it’s essential to continue advocating for yourself and seeking the support you need. If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a trusted individual or a mental health professional immediately. Your life is valuable, and there are people who care and want to help you through this.

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