Sexual Discrepancies in Marriage: Seeking Solutions - Family Medicine

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I don't want any of it!


There is a lack of harmony in our sexual life.
My husband is 26 years old and wants to have sex every two days.
We often argue about it, and it's always related to sex.
I just don't want to engage in it.
Sigh, what is wrong with me?

Xi Wu Cao, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2001/05/12

Dr. Lin Mingxing reply Family Medicine


(1) Psychological: How harmonious is your relationship with your husband? What is your sense of identification with him? This includes aspects such as tenderness, thoughtfulness, sense of responsibility, and loyalty.
Of course, whether you deeply love him is also quite important.
(2) Physiological: Are there any female physiological issues? This includes gynecological conditions, irregular menstruation, hormonal imbalances, or even resulting internal medical problems.
Regardless of whether the issues are psychological or physiological, or even potential pathological problems, it is best to seek assistance from your family physician.

Reply Date: 2001/05/12

More Info


Understanding sexual discrepancies in marriage can be a complex issue that often leads to misunderstandings and conflicts between partners. In your case, it appears that there is a significant difference in sexual desire between you and your husband, which is causing tension in your relationship. This situation is not uncommon, and many couples face similar challenges.

First, it's essential to recognize that sexual desire can fluctuate for various reasons, including physical health, emotional well-being, stress levels, and life circumstances. For instance, factors such as hormonal changes, fatigue, anxiety, or even unresolved conflicts in the relationship can impact one's libido. In your case, it seems that your husband has a higher sexual drive, wanting to engage in sexual activities every two days, while you are feeling disinterested or resistant to sex.

One potential reason for your lack of interest could be related to emotional factors. If there are underlying issues in your relationship, such as communication problems, unresolved conflicts, or feelings of resentment, these can manifest as a decreased desire for intimacy. It's crucial to address these emotional aspects, as they can significantly influence your sexual relationship. Open and honest communication with your husband about your feelings, concerns, and needs is vital. Discussing your sexual relationship in a non-confrontational manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

Additionally, it might be helpful to explore whether there are any physical factors contributing to your disinterest in sex. For example, hormonal imbalances, medical conditions, or medications can affect libido. If you suspect that there might be a medical issue at play, consider consulting a healthcare professional for a thorough evaluation. A gynecologist or a sexual health specialist can provide insights and potential solutions tailored to your specific situation.

Another approach to consider is the concept of sexual compatibility. Sometimes, partners may have different sexual preferences or desires that can lead to discrepancies. Exploring alternative forms of intimacy that do not necessarily involve penetrative sex might help bridge the gap between you and your husband. This could include cuddling, kissing, or other forms of physical affection that can foster intimacy without the pressure of sexual performance.

Moreover, seeking professional help, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, can be beneficial. A trained therapist can facilitate discussions about sexual discrepancies and help both partners express their needs and desires in a safe environment. Therapy can also provide tools and strategies to enhance communication and intimacy, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

In conclusion, addressing sexual discrepancies in marriage requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to explore both emotional and physical factors. By discussing your feelings with your husband, considering potential medical issues, and possibly seeking professional guidance, you can work towards finding a solution that satisfies both of your needs. Remember, a healthy sexual relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to each other's desires.

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