Feeling Overwhelmed: Seeking Help for Mental Health Struggles

I'm emotionally exhausted!

I'm not sure if I'm sick, but I feel afraid to go home, avoid answering family calls, and even dislike them.
My grandmother used to stay with us, and I thought I could gradually adjust my mindset to face my dad without fear.
However, once my grandmother left, I immediately escaped to my mom's house.
When my mom asked if I wanted to go to my aunt's house, I hesitated for a moment and then quickly said yes, as if I was desperate to escape from them.
Sometimes, when my mom visits my aunt, I can't even look at her and pretend to be asleep, terrified that she will ask me to go home.
When the phone rings at my aunt's house, I say I'm sleeping if it's for me.
I often wonder why they always need to contact me when there are issues at home, and why they feel the need to vent to me.
As someone with limited mobility, what can I do? They tell me I can't help them with anything, which only adds to my frustration.
Just because I can't run away, do I have to passively listen to their complaints? Why can't they just go away? Why do they have to bother me? Why can't I just live my life peacefully? I'm already afraid to go home because of my dad, and now I'm losing the motivation to live because of my younger brother, who is a troubled teenager.
Why do they come to me when my brother gets into trouble? I'm not his parent; I'm just his sister.
Why do they ask me when he has problems, as if I were his guardian? Maybe it's because I've been managing things since he started school, which leads them to turn to me whenever he has issues.
Sometimes friends joke that I'm my brother's parent! Haha! But I'm exhausted from this role! I'm starting to deteriorate physically! I'm afraid to express my anger towards them because I'm scared they might stop supporting me.
I don't want to rely on them forever, but in reality, who would want someone with limited mobility? Ironically, I don't even have the strength to hold a knife, yet I constantly think about wanting to die.
Haha! It would be nice if I went crazy, or dying wouldn't be so bad either! Maybe some will laugh at my foolishness! But I've been bearing this pressure for almost twenty years! Isn't that enough? Which hospital in Chiayi has female doctors? Is there a psychiatric ward where I can be admitted?

Ye, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/06/12

Dr. Yu Xie Zhao reply Psychiatry

I think I may have answered your question before.
In any case, it seems like fate! I believe you do not have a mental illness, at least not a severe one.
Your reactions are greatly influenced by your environment.
If you feel trapped, please calmly and honestly express your feelings to them and ask them to stop bothering you.

Reply Date: 2006/06/12

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are feeling. The feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, and even hopeless are serious and deserve attention. It's important to understand that you are not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to seek help and support.

From what you've described, it seems like you are experiencing significant emotional distress, which could be related to various factors, including family dynamics, personal expectations, and perhaps underlying mental health issues. The feelings of wanting to escape from family responsibilities and the pressure of being seen as a caretaker for your brother can be incredibly taxing, especially if you feel that you are not equipped to handle these roles. This can lead to feelings of resentment, anxiety, and even depression.

First and foremost, it is crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. You are not "crazy" for feeling overwhelmed or for wanting to distance yourself from family obligations. Many people experience similar feelings, especially when they feel trapped in roles that they did not choose. It's also common to feel guilty about wanting to prioritize your own mental health over family expectations. However, it is essential to remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is necessary for your well-being.

You mentioned feeling physically unwell and having thoughts of self-harm. This is a serious concern and indicates that you may need immediate professional help. If you are having thoughts of wanting to end your life or feeling that you cannot cope, please reach out to a mental health professional as soon as possible. Hospitals and clinics often have mental health services, and many have confidentiality policies in place to protect your privacy. You can ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist who can provide you with the support you need.

In terms of finding a hospital or clinic with female doctors in Chiayi, I recommend looking up local mental health facilities or community health centers that specialize in psychological care. Many hospitals have dedicated mental health departments, and you can inquire about their services, including inpatient care if needed. It’s important to find a provider who you feel comfortable with, as this can significantly impact your treatment experience.

Additionally, consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member who can support you in seeking help. Sometimes, having someone accompany you to appointments or just being there to listen can make a world of difference.
You also mentioned feeling like you have been under pressure for nearly twenty years. This long-term stress can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. It might be beneficial to explore stress management techniques, such as mindfulness, meditation, or gentle physical activity, which can help alleviate some of the emotional burden. Journaling, as you mentioned, can also be a therapeutic outlet for expressing your feelings.

Lastly, please remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many people struggle with similar feelings, and there is no shame in seeking help. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and taking the step to reach out for support is a sign of strength. You deserve to feel better and to live a life that is fulfilling and free from the weight of overwhelming expectations.

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