How should I address this important matter?
Dear Dr.
Hsu,
For many years, I have experienced a very short duration during intercourse (about two minutes or less, before I give in...).
This has gradually become a concern for me, as I feel it may be causing my girlfriend to lose interest in intimacy.
I am truly troubled by this...
I am a normal man who genuinely enjoys being intimate with my girlfriend, but every time it reaches a critical moment, I find myself finishing too quickly, which has led me to feel hesitant about intimacy.
I am filled with regret and guilt for not being able to meet my partner's needs.
I would like to ask if my lack of circumcision and the fact that my glans is not often exposed could be contributing to its heightened sensitivity.
It seems that as soon as I enter my girlfriend's vagina and begin thrusting, the sensation of ejaculation comes on very quickly.
Although my girlfriend is considerate and tries to comfort me afterward, I am left feeling powerless.
Additionally, I engage in sexual activity about 20 times a year and do not often practice self-stimulation.
Could this also be a reason for my difficulties during intercourse? Recently, I have read some books to understand more about premature ejaculation, but I still do not know how to address this important issue.
While it may not be significant to others, this situation has troubled me for many years.
Could you please advise me on how I should handle this? What methods are available to help resolve my problem? I would greatly appreciate any guidance you can provide.
Thank you!
Gǔqǐ yǒngqì tíwèn de nánrén, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2007/05/06
Dr. Xu Weikai reply Urology
Men who muster the courage to ask: Hello, actually, at the beginning of sexual intercourse, especially when both partners have little experience, premature ejaculation is a very common occurrence.
Most of the time, it is due to both partners (note: both sides) lacking experience, which can easily lead to premature ejaculation.
After some time of learning and coordination, this should improve.
Additionally, the simplest method is to use a condom throughout the entire act, or you could try other techniques that may be effective, such as rinsing the glans with cold water, or pausing briefly when nearing ejaculation to redirect your focus.
Response from Dr.
Hsu Wei-kai, Director of Urology, Taitung Hospital, Department of Health, Executive Yuan.
Reply Date: 2007/05/06
More Info
Addressing concerns about premature ejaculation (PE) in relationships is a sensitive and important topic that can significantly affect both partners' emotional well-being and intimacy. It's commendable that you are seeking help and looking for solutions to improve your sexual experiences with your girlfriend.
Premature ejaculation is a common issue that many men face at some point in their lives. It is generally defined as ejaculation that occurs with minimal sexual stimulation, often within one to two minutes of penetration, and can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and anxiety. These feelings can create a cycle of performance anxiety, which may further exacerbate the problem.
First, it’s essential to understand that PE can have various causes, including psychological factors (such as anxiety, stress, or relationship issues) and physiological factors (such as sensitivity of the penis, hormonal imbalances, or medical conditions). In your case, you mentioned that you feel your sensitivity might be heightened due to not being circumcised, which can be a contributing factor. However, sensitivity varies from person to person, and it’s important to explore this with a healthcare professional.
Here are some strategies you can consider to address premature ejaculation:
1. Communication with Your Partner: Open and honest communication with your girlfriend about your concerns can help alleviate some of the pressure you feel. Let her know how you feel and that you are actively seeking solutions. This can foster understanding and support, which is crucial in navigating this issue together.
2. Behavioral Techniques: There are several techniques that can help manage PE:
- Start-Stop Technique: This involves stimulating the penis until you feel close to ejaculation, then stopping until the urge decreases. This can help you gain better control over your ejaculation.
- Squeeze Technique: Similar to the start-stop method, this involves squeezing the base of the penis when you feel close to ejaculation to reduce arousal and delay ejaculation.
3. Pelvic Floor Exercises: Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises can improve control over ejaculation. These exercises involve repeatedly contracting and relaxing the muscles you use to stop urination.
4. Desensitizing Products: Over-the-counter desensitizing creams or sprays can help reduce sensitivity. However, it’s important to use these products as directed and to communicate with your partner about their use, as they can also affect her sensitivity.
5. Professional Help: If these strategies do not yield the desired results, consider consulting a healthcare professional or a sex therapist. They can provide personalized guidance and may suggest treatments such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help address any underlying anxiety or relationship issues.
6. Medical Options: In some cases, medications may be prescribed to help delay ejaculation. These can include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) or topical anesthetics. A healthcare provider can discuss the potential benefits and side effects of these options.
7. Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and stress management techniques (such as mindfulness or meditation) can improve overall sexual health and reduce anxiety, which may help with PE.
It's important to remember that you are not alone in this experience, and many men face similar challenges. The key is to approach the situation with patience and a willingness to explore different solutions. By taking proactive steps and seeking support, you can work towards improving your sexual experiences and enhancing intimacy with your partner.
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