Intrusive Thoughts and Compulsive Promises in Mental Health

Daydreaming and making promises?

Hello, doctor.
I am turning 18 this year.
For the past few years, I have often found myself overthinking.
In the past, my thoughts would change quickly, but for the last two years, I find myself fixating on certain thoughts.
I often make vows to the universe or some divine entity, saying that if I don't do something, something bad will happen (for example, if I don't say a certain phrase in front of the whole class ten times, a specific bad event I want to avoid will occur).
I can dwell on these thoughts for a long time (like a year).
During this year, I might think that if I do something else, it means I disagree with my initial vow (for instance, if I ask the teacher to go to the restroom during class, it implies that I disagree with my original vow to say that phrase ten times in front of the class).
However, whether it's the initial vow or the subsequent action that indicates disagreement, these are usually things I am reluctant to do.
Sometimes, I end up not doing them, but then I worry about not doing them, which has made me very unhappy over the past few years.
It can also be the opposite; for example, if I decide not to drink a beverage today, it means I disagree with my initial vow, but I really want to drink it.
Finally, doctor, I would like to ask a few questions.
The first is: if I have made a vow to the universe (like the one about saying a phrase in front of the class ten times) but I don't follow through, what will happen? The second question is: if I later think that doing something else means I disagree with my initial vow, but I don't do that either (like asking the teacher to go to the restroom during class), does that mean I agree with my original vow? The third question is: because I keep thinking about these things, I sometimes feel like I should just say that I disagree with all of them, or I might say that if I actually do the vowed action, then the bad thing will happen (for example, I might say: "Universe, if I really say that phrase ten times in front of the class, then the bad thing will happen").
Alternatively, when I think that doing something else means I disagree with the vow, I might say that if I do that thing, it means I agree (for example, I might say: "Universe, if I ask the teacher to go to the restroom during class, it means I agree with my initial vow").
However, sometimes when I talk about it, I get confused and end up not knowing what I am saying, which makes me afraid that what I say doesn't truly express what I mean (for instance, if I intended to say: "Universe, if I really say that phrase ten times in front of the class, then the bad thing will happen," but I accidentally say: "Universe, if I really do not say that phrase ten times in front of the class, then the bad thing will happen," or "Universe, if I do not ask the teacher to go to the restroom during class, it means I agree with my initial vow").
If I really say it wrong, what should I do? What happens if I don't follow through? Lastly, I feel like, okay! If doing something means I disagree with my initial vow, then I should just do it! I think this way or say: "If I do this, it means I disagree with my initial vow." But in the end, due to laziness or other reasons, I might not do it.
However, I have already said it out loud; if I don't do it, does that mean I agree with the vow? Doctor, I'm sorry for writing so much.
I truly apologize.

Feng Er, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/03/08

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, I have read your concerns and troubles, and I truly feel saddened and empathetic.
You are still young and have been bearing these burdens alone for so many years, and perhaps you have never sought help from anyone! Since we are communicating online and not face-to-face, it is not appropriate for me to diagnose any conditions, but I would like to offer you some advice.
All the worries you have can actually be seen as unnecessary from a broader perspective.
It's like a mouse trapped in a maze with no exit, and that maze is one it has dug itself; no one created this maze, nor is anyone supervising the mouse or punishing it for trial and error.
We all experience this to some extent, but in more severe cases, we might refer to it as obsessive-compulsive disorder or mental illness.
Life is short, and youth is limited; time should be spent on beautiful things.
The past cannot be changed, and right now, you do not need to delve into problems or seek answers.
I recommend that you see a psychiatrist as soon as possible; your pain can disappear like darkness meeting sunlight! If possible, talk to your parents or seek help from your teachers at school; ask them to take you to see a doctor, and don’t remain trapped in your worries.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2016/03/08

More Info

Understanding intrusive thoughts and compulsive promises can be quite complex, especially as you navigate the transition into adulthood. It’s important to recognize that what you’re experiencing may be related to anxiety and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Let’s break down your concerns and explore them in a way that can help you understand your thoughts and feelings better.

Firstly, it’s common for individuals, especially during adolescence, to experience intrusive thoughts—thoughts that seem to pop into your mind without warning and can be distressing. These thoughts can often feel overwhelming, particularly when they involve making promises or commitments to a higher power or the universe, as you described. This behavior can be a way of trying to exert control over your fears or anxieties about potential negative outcomes.

1. Regarding your first question about whether not fulfilling a promise made to the universe will have consequences: It’s crucial to understand that these thoughts and promises are often a manifestation of anxiety rather than a reflection of reality. The fear of negative outcomes tied to not fulfilling these promises can create a cycle of anxiety. In reality, not acting on these promises does not lead to the catastrophic outcomes you fear. It’s more about the way your mind is processing anxiety and the need for control.

2. For your second question, concerning whether doing something else means you agree with the original promise: This is a common cognitive distortion known as "magical thinking," where you believe that your thoughts or actions can influence unrelated events. It’s important to recognize that your worth and decisions are not dictated by these promises. Engaging in other actions does not invalidate your feelings or thoughts; it simply reflects the complexity of your mental state.

3. On your third concern about expressing your thoughts and the fear of saying something wrong: This fear can lead to confusion and further anxiety. It’s essential to remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes in communication, and it’s okay. The pressure to articulate your thoughts perfectly can exacerbate anxiety. Instead of focusing on the potential consequences of miscommunication, try to focus on expressing your feelings honestly, even if they are not perfectly articulated.

4. Lastly, regarding your feelings of laziness or hesitation to act on your thoughts: This is a common experience, especially when anxiety is involved. The pressure to act can sometimes lead to paralysis rather than action. It’s important to practice self-compassion and recognize that it’s okay to feel conflicted. Taking small steps towards action, rather than overwhelming yourself with the need to fulfill promises, can be a healthier approach.

In summary, what you are experiencing may be linked to anxiety and possibly obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It’s crucial to seek support from a mental health professional who can help you navigate these thoughts and feelings. They can provide you with coping strategies and techniques to manage intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors effectively. Remember, you are not alone in this, and reaching out for help is a strong and positive step towards understanding and improving your mental health.

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