Addressing a Sister's Stealing Behavior: Seeking Help and Solutions

My sister has been stealing for a long time?

Hello, I am a senior in college, and my younger sister is in the second year of junior high school.
Our mother has been taking care of our grandmother abroad for the past four years.
The remaining family members are my father, my older sister, and my younger sister.
Since elementary school, my younger sister has been stealing things from home, ranging from money to various items.
Our parents have tried to discipline her, but it has been ineffective.
Now, due to our mother's absence and my father's long working hours, I have taken on the responsibility of guiding her.
I have tried to communicate with her positively, and she has opened up to me.
However, this situation did not last long.
This semester, she started stealing money again to buy things for her classmates, and she has been quite extravagant.
I also noticed that she loves to look pretty and has been stealing my cosmetics and buying her own (my father does give us some allowance).
I have continued to communicate with her about this.
Today, I reached my breaking point when she stole my art supplies (imported from abroad) to give to her classmates.
I told my father about this, and he became angry and started ignoring her.
I know that every time my father calms down, she will revert to her old behavior.
I am at a loss as to how to discipline her.
I really cannot continue living like this with her.
Besides stealing, her habits are poor and are affecting my quality of life.
I genuinely do not know where to start in solving this problem.
Are there any resources or police assistance available? The atmosphere at home is becoming increasingly negative, and my sister's attitude towards the family is worsening.
She seems indifferent to stealing, acting as if it doesn't matter and that it's our fault.
Additionally, she has stopped studying, and her grades are in the low teens, which severely impacts our family's reputation since my older sister and I perform well in school.
I really want to involve the police, but I am afraid my parents will disagree.

Xiao Mei, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/04/15

Dr. Song Chengxian reply Psychiatry

Hello Xiaomei,
Your sister's situation is indeed concerning.
It appears that she has multiple issues that cannot be addressed solely by you or effectively resolved by involving the police.
It would be best to take her to a pediatric mental health specialist or a child psychiatrist as soon as possible.
Her stealing behavior likely has underlying psychological or situational factors that can be identified through professional evaluation, which can help in finding feasible ways to bring about change.

Sincerely, Dr.
Song

Reply Date: 2016/04/15

More Info

Addressing the issue of your sister's stealing behavior is undoubtedly challenging, especially given the family dynamics and the emotional strain it places on everyone involved. It's clear that her actions are not just a phase but a serious concern that requires immediate attention. Here are some steps you can take to address this situation effectively.

Understanding the Behavior
Firstly, it's essential to understand that stealing, especially in children and adolescents, can stem from various underlying issues. These may include emotional distress, a need for attention, peer pressure, or even a desire to assert independence. Given that your sister has been living in a household with a significant absence of parental guidance due to your mother being abroad, it’s possible that she feels neglected or seeks validation through material possessions.

Open Communication
You mentioned that you have tried to communicate with her, which is a positive step. However, it may be beneficial to approach the conversation differently. Instead of focusing solely on the stealing, try to engage her in a broader discussion about her feelings and experiences. Ask her open-ended questions about her life, her friendships, and how she feels about the current family situation. This approach may help her feel more understood and less defensive, allowing her to open up about any underlying issues that may be driving her behavior.

Setting Clear Boundaries
While communication is vital, it’s equally important to set clear boundaries and consequences for her actions. Explain to her why stealing is wrong and how it affects not only the family but also her relationships with friends and peers. Make sure she understands that there will be consequences for her actions, but also emphasize that you are there to support her in making better choices.

Seeking Professional Help
Given the persistence of her behavior and its impact on the family, it may be time to consider seeking professional help. A counselor or psychologist can provide a safe space for her to explore her feelings and behaviors. They can also offer strategies for coping with her emotions and making better choices. If she is resistant to the idea of therapy, you might frame it as a way to help her navigate her feelings rather than as a punishment for her actions.

Involving Other Family Members
It’s crucial to involve other family members in this process. Since your father has expressed anger towards her actions, it may be beneficial to have a family meeting where everyone can express their feelings in a constructive manner. This meeting should focus on support rather than blame, emphasizing that the family is united in wanting to help her.

Monitoring and Accountability
After establishing communication and seeking professional help, it’s essential to monitor her behavior and hold her accountable for her actions. This could involve regular check-ins about her feelings, her schoolwork, and her behavior at home. Encourage her to set personal goals and celebrate her achievements, no matter how small.

Exploring Alternatives
Encourage her to engage in activities that promote self-esteem and responsibility. This could include volunteering, joining clubs, or participating in sports. These activities can provide her with a sense of purpose and belonging, which may reduce her need to seek validation through stealing.

Final Thoughts
While the idea of involving the police may seem like a solution, it could also escalate the situation and create further resentment. Instead, focus on fostering a supportive environment where your sister feels safe to express herself and seek help. Remember, change takes time, and it’s essential to be patient and persistent in your efforts to support her.

In conclusion, addressing your sister's stealing behavior requires a multifaceted approach that includes open communication, setting boundaries, seeking professional help, and fostering a supportive family environment. By taking these steps, you can help her navigate her challenges and work towards healthier behaviors.

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