Panic Disorder: Overcoming Fear and Anxiety - Psychiatry

Uncertain if you are ill?

---

Two years ago, something frightening happened to me.
"After that incident, I was afraid to work and go out." I spent several months at home, even waiting for my boyfriend to bring food when I was hungry.
I knew that if I continued like this, I would definitely get sick.
I tried to go outside, but each time I did, I felt scared.
Whenever I heard a loud vehicle, my fear intensified.
During the day, I could go out alone, but I only dared to buy food and drinks nearby and then return home immediately.
At night, I absolutely wouldn’t go out alone; I needed someone to accompany me.
Even with others around, I still felt scared while chatting with them (I wouldn’t show my fear; I could still play and laugh).
I was always aware of unfamiliar people around me.
This troubled me for a long time, and I didn’t know who to turn to.
I clearly understood that as long as I could manage, I wouldn’t feel afraid.
So, I tried to overcome my fears.
After a few months, I noticed my emotions were very unstable; I would cry, throw tantrums, and even hit my boyfriend out of anger.
I started drinking and went out less and less.
Until last year, I noticed changes in my body.
I gradually became more afraid of loud noises, experienced insomnia, and sometimes felt like my heart stopped while sleeping, causing me to wake up suddenly.
After waking up, my heart would race, and I felt increasingly panicked, as if my mind was in chaos.
This symptom persisted for a year, and I was truly suffering, often crying at night.
I searched online and suspected I might have panic disorder or anxiety disorder.
Unsure if that was the case, I kept researching.
Halfway through, my heart started racing, and I felt panicked and scared.
Eventually, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and thought I was going to die; my heart hurt and felt heavy.
It was truly painful.
I asked my boyfriend to take me to the emergency room.
As we entered the elevator, I felt increasingly uncomfortable and struggled to breathe.
In the car, I sat in the front seat, and while we were still on the regular road, I was breathless but could still manage.
However, once we got onto the highway, I genuinely felt like I was going to die.
It was a terrifying feeling, and I felt like I was floating and could hardly breathe.
My boyfriend noticed and drove faster.
I couldn’t take it anymore, but fortunately, we reached the hospital shortly after getting off the highway.
Upon entering the emergency room, I was in a panic and couldn’t communicate with the nurses or doctors.
I only mentioned that my heart felt uncomfortable.
The nurse checked my blood pressure and pulse, both of which were normal.
The doctor, seeing how distressed I was, allowed me to receive an IV and gave me something to inhale (I didn’t know what it was), as well as drew blood and took X-rays.
Even while lying there, I still felt like I couldn’t breathe and was uncomfortable.
I asked the doctor what was wrong with me, and he only told me to come back the next day to see a cardiologist.
He said that my blood tests and X-rays were normal.
I lay there for almost five hours without much relief.
The doctor told me to relax and not to be afraid because the oxygen he was giving me would help.
Eventually, he administered a shot through the IV, and after a while, I began to feel better.
Later, I did see a cardiologist and explained my symptoms.
After examination, my heart was normal.
The doctor suggested that my symptoms might be triggered by smoking and advised me to quit.
After returning home, I also stopped drinking and reduced smoking.
The symptoms persisted, but after my appointment, I decided to try going out for walks.
I felt less afraid when I went out, but whenever I got on the highway, my mouth would dry up, and I felt like something was stuck in my throat, which made me swallow hard, followed by a racing heart, etc.
(It was truly painful).
I began to wonder if I really had panic disorder.
I researched online again, and halfway through, the feeling returned.
Whenever I sensed the symptoms about to appear, I would distract myself, which helped ease the situation.
I realized I couldn’t ride in cars, couldn’t see the words "panic disorder," and couldn’t even mention panic disorder; I couldn’t even go to the movies.
Eventually, I did see a psychologist because I was suffering too much.
However, after one visit, I was too scared to go back.
When the doctor asked if anything had happened, I wasn’t honest.
The doctor scheduled a follow-up for blood tests and other checks.
After that, I was too scared to return.
The doctor prescribed medication, which I would take only when I felt unwell, but I didn’t want to rely on it constantly.
I hoped to avoid medication unless absolutely necessary.
When my mouth felt dry and my throat felt blocked, I would quickly distract myself by cleaning or talking to someone, which helped me calm down.
Over the past two months, I noticed my symptoms had disappeared.
I could go shopping alone without fear.
At night, I could go downstairs alone to buy things, and I wasn’t afraid to chat outside anymore.
I still hesitate to go far from home alone, as I worry.
I also started to talk about panic disorder and recognize its symptoms.
However, I’m still uncertain if I truly have panic disorder or if I’m just overthinking it, and I’m afraid of a recurrence of those symptoms (it’s really painful).
I still feel a bit scared when riding in cars, but it’s a manageable fear.
I just need to distract myself.
I hope to return to my former self.
Last month, I drove to the east coast, and whenever I thought about the symptoms, my heart would race a little because I was still afraid of sudden symptoms.
I would shift my focus, and everything would be fine.
I just haven’t been to the movies yet.
I want to try, but I’m really scared that the symptoms will come back… Now, it’s been over two months without symptoms.
Am I completely better?

---

Enen, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/05/05