Depression: How to Support a Loved One in Need

Q: Depression: How to Support a Loved One in Need

Hello： Based on your description, she is facing multiple pressures and has turned to you for help. <br>The first suggestion is to empathize with her feelings, to understand the pain she is currently enduring. <br>Expressing your willingness to listen and to face these challenges

Symptoms of depression

Hello, doctor: My girlfriend has been feeling very depressed and has mentioned to me a few times whether she might have depression.
Whenever I am too busy to spend time with her, she ends up crying.
Recently, due to exam preparations, I have had less time to be with her, and during our phone calls, she has been crying continuously.
She has also expressed thoughts like it would be better if she were dead.

Her family is relatively poor; she started working after graduating from middle school.
I am her high school classmate, and after graduating from vocational school, she continued to work.
She often tells me that she is very tired and sleeps a lot during her days off.
Because her parents are financially struggling, they expect her to contribute to the household expenses, especially since she earns more than her mother.
At the same time, she wants to save money to study her major, baking, abroad, which adds to her stress.

Her younger brother also works but frequently asks their parents for money while going out with friends.
When he runs out of money, he asks for more from home, and their mother tends to give him money while also asking my girlfriend for financial support.
I think this creates an imbalance and adds to her stress.

Since I am a girl, her parents strongly oppose our relationship, and she had a big argument with them.
Now, she pretends to have broken up with me, and I haven't visited her home since then.
However, she often comes to my house, and my family knows she is my girlfriend and is aware of her family situation; they welcome her and treat her well.
After being together for over a year, I have noticed that she frequently has negative thoughts, often questioning the purpose of living and suggesting that it would be easier to just leave.
She often calls herself useless.
She is usually unhappy, but when I ask her about it, she doesn't want to share, so I sometimes suggest she talk to her friends instead, but she says she has no one to talk to.
Recently, she asked me if I think she might have depression, so I brought up the topic of depression with her, but she just kept crying and said I don’t understand.
Even if she were diagnosed with depression by a doctor, she refuses treatment and wants to remain unhappy.
She insists that it's fine for her to feel this way because she believes she won't get better.
I told her that she might just be feeling down and a bit depressed, which doesn’t necessarily mean she has clinical depression, and she responded that if she keeps feeling this way, it will turn into depression.
I really want to take her to see a doctor, just to talk, because I am unsure if she truly has depression.
I have researched a lot about depression and decided to ask a doctor for advice on what I should do.
Thank you.

Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/09/15

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: Based on your description, she is facing multiple pressures and has turned to you for help.
The first suggestion is to empathize with her feelings, to understand the pain she is currently enduring.
Expressing your willingness to listen and to face these challenges together should provide initial support.
Assist her in addressing the various issues she is encountering and discuss feasible coping strategies for each difficulty.
If there is still no improvement based on this foundation, approach her from a caring perspective and accompany her to seek medical attention.
This will help her understand that you are encouraging her to receive additional support and that professional advice is necessary to assist her.
This way, the likelihood of her being willing to accept help should be higher.

Reply Date: 2016/09/15

More Info

Supporting a loved one who may be experiencing depression can be a challenging yet crucial task. It’s evident from your description that your girlfriend is going through a difficult time, and your concern for her well-being is commendable. Here are some insights and strategies to help you support her effectively.

Understanding Depression
Depression is a complex mental health condition that can manifest in various ways, including persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, feelings of worthlessness, and even thoughts of self-harm or suicide. It’s important to recognize that depression is not simply a matter of feeling sad; it can significantly impact a person’s ability to function in daily life. Your girlfriend’s feelings of hopelessness and her comments about not wanting to live are serious and should be taken seriously.

Signs of Depression
From what you’ve shared, your girlfriend exhibits several signs of depression:
- Persistent Sadness: She often cries and expresses feelings of being overwhelmed.

- Negative Self-Perception: She believes she is useless and questions the purpose of her life.

- Isolation: She feels unable to share her feelings with friends or family, which can exacerbate her loneliness.

- Physical Symptoms: Her excessive sleeping and fatigue may also be linked to her emotional state.

Encouraging Professional Help
While you can provide emotional support, it’s essential to encourage her to seek professional help. Here are some ways to approach this:
1. Open the Conversation: Gently express your concerns about her well-being. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel worried when I see you so upset,” rather than “You need to stop being sad.”
2. Normalize Seeking Help: Let her know that seeking help from a mental health professional is a sign of strength, not weakness. You might say, “Many people talk to therapists or counselors when they’re feeling overwhelmed. It could be helpful to have someone to talk to.”
3. Offer to Accompany Her: If she is open to the idea, offer to go with her to the appointment. Sometimes, the thought of going alone can be daunting, and having support can make it easier.

4. Respect Her Autonomy: If she is resistant to the idea of therapy, respect her feelings but continue to express your concern. You can say, “I understand that you’re not ready, but I’m here for you whenever you want to talk or if you change your mind.”

Providing Emotional Support
In addition to encouraging professional help, here are ways you can support her emotionally:
1. Listen Actively: When she talks about her feelings, listen without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone to listen can be incredibly comforting.

2. Avoid Clichés: Phrases like “Just think positive” or “It could be worse” can feel dismissive. Instead, validate her feelings by saying things like, “It’s okay to feel this way. It’s a tough situation.”
3. Encourage Small Steps: Help her set small, achievable goals. This could be as simple as going for a walk together or engaging in a hobby she once enjoyed. Celebrate these small victories to help build her confidence.

4. Stay Connected: Regularly check in on her, even if it’s just a text message. Let her know you’re thinking of her and that she’s not alone.

5. Educate Yourself: Understanding depression better can help you empathize with her situation. Read articles, watch videos, or even attend workshops on mental health.

Recognizing Crisis Situations
If at any point she expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions, it’s crucial to take immediate action. Encourage her to contact a mental health professional or a crisis hotline. If she is in immediate danger, do not hesitate to contact emergency services.

Conclusion
Supporting a loved one with depression requires patience, understanding, and sometimes professional intervention. While you can provide a significant amount of support, remember that you are not a substitute for professional help. Encourage her to seek therapy, be there for her emotionally, and educate yourself about her condition. Your support can make a difference, but it’s essential to recognize the limits of what you can do and the importance of professional guidance in her recovery journey.

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