Family disputes
Hello Doctor: 1.
My dad says that I have become a natural liar, but everything I say is the truth.
What should I do? 2.
My mom is slandering me, and it's very serious.
For example, last Sunday, I was playing on the computer from 10 AM to 2:30 PM, but my mom said I was playing from 9 AM to 4 PM, which caused me to get scolded badly by my dad.
3.
My grandma always says that after I study for a while, she will buy me a computer.
I have been studying for three and a half months, so the day before yesterday, I asked her, "Aren't you going to buy me a computer?" She replied, "I never said that." Should I record what she said?
Xiao Wei, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/10/04
Dr. Zhong Mingxun reply Psychiatry
Xiao Wei: I don't know if you trust your family, but try to believe in them.
Share your feelings with them so they understand what you're going through; this will lead to better communication.
Additionally, when you're misunderstood, try not to get angry too quickly, as reacting in anger can lead to further misunderstandings.
It's important to prove your point, but more importantly, it's about earning others' trust, which doesn't require recording.
Reply Date: 2016/10/04
More Info
Navigating family conflicts can be incredibly challenging, especially when mental health issues are involved. It sounds like you are experiencing significant distress due to misunderstandings and miscommunications within your family. Here are some insights and suggestions based on your questions.
1. Dealing with Accusations of Lying: When your father accuses you of lying, it can be very frustrating, especially if you believe you are being truthful. One approach is to calmly express your feelings to him. You might say something like, "I feel hurt when you say I'm lying because I always try to be honest with you." This opens up a dialogue rather than escalating the conflict. It’s important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive, as this can lead to further misunderstandings. If possible, try to provide evidence of your truthfulness, such as timestamps or witnesses, but do so in a way that doesn’t come off as confrontational.
2. Addressing Your Mother’s Negative Comments: It can be particularly painful when a parent speaks negatively about you, especially if it affects your relationship with others, like your father. Consider having a private conversation with your mother where you express how her words impact you. You could say, "When you say things that aren't true about me, it makes me feel misunderstood and hurt." If she is receptive, this could lead to a healthier communication pattern. If the situation does not improve, seeking family therapy might be beneficial. A neutral third party can help facilitate better communication and understanding among family members.
3. Handling Promises and Expectations: Regarding your grandmother’s promise about buying you a computer, it’s understandable to feel frustrated when expectations are not met. Instead of recording conversations, which can lead to further distrust, try to have an open conversation with her. You might say, "I remember you mentioned buying a computer after my tutoring sessions. Can we talk about that?" This approach is more likely to foster understanding rather than conflict. If she denies making the promise, it may be helpful to focus on the present and discuss what you can do moving forward rather than dwelling on past statements.
Additional Considerations:
- Mental Health Support: Given the emotional turmoil you are experiencing, it may be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with coping strategies and help you navigate your feelings about your family dynamics. Therapy can also offer a safe space to express your frustrations and develop healthier communication skills.
- Journaling: Keeping a journal can be a helpful way to process your thoughts and feelings. Writing down your experiences can provide clarity and help you articulate your feelings better when discussing them with family members.
- Setting Boundaries: It’s important to establish healthy boundaries with family members. If certain conversations lead to conflict or distress, it’s okay to step back and take a break. You can communicate your need for space by saying something like, "I need some time to think about this before we continue the conversation."
- Building a Support Network: Surround yourself with friends or mentors who understand your situation and can offer support. Sometimes, having an outside perspective can help you feel less isolated and provide you with additional coping strategies.
In conclusion, navigating family conflicts requires patience, communication, and sometimes professional support. By addressing issues calmly and seeking to understand each other, you can work towards healthier family dynamics. Remember, it’s okay to seek help when you need it, and prioritizing your mental health is essential.
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