Managing Emotional Ups and Downs: Your Feelings - Psychiatry

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Emotional fluctuations are significant?


It's been a while since I've been able to laugh and joke with my classmates outside, but every time I go home on the weekends, I have so much to share with my mom.
However, small things often irritate me, causing my tone to become impatient and irritable.
I don't want to talk, and my frustration indirectly affects my mom.
Later, I always regret it and feel sorry, which makes me sad, even to the point of crying.
(I am a very dependent child on my mom, and I feel that sometimes when she doesn't meet my expectations, I become disappointed and then upset.) Am I sick in this way? Is there a way to improve this?

Miss Lin, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/01/03

Dr. Cai Qijin reply Psychiatry


Hello: The stage of growth involves many new experiences with the world, marking an important phase of separating from parental care and developing self-identity and peer relationships.
During this stage, many new values and ideas gradually take shape, and this process can lead to conflicts and adjustments, which may result in the situations you described.
More communication may be necessary.
It might be helpful to express your inner thoughts and expectations when you are calm, and also to listen to your mother's perspective.
This situation may not necessarily indicate that something is "wrong." However, if it affects your daily life, academic performance, or other areas, it is advisable to seek assistance from a mental health professional (such as a counselor, psychologist, or physician).

Reply Date: 2017/01/03

More Info


It sounds like you are experiencing a complex mix of emotions that can be quite challenging to navigate. The feelings you describe—being able to engage positively with peers but feeling irritable and impatient with your mother—are not uncommon, especially in the context of close relationships. This pattern can be indicative of underlying emotional issues, but it does not necessarily mean you are "sick" in a clinical sense. Instead, it may reflect normal human emotions exacerbated by stress, expectations, and interpersonal dynamics.


Understanding Your Emotions
1. Emotional Fluctuations: It's normal for people to experience ups and downs in their emotions. The transition from a social environment, where you might feel more relaxed and carefree, to a home environment can trigger different emotional responses. This shift can be influenced by various factors, including the expectations you have for your interactions with your mother and the pressures of familial relationships.

2. Expectations and Disappointment: You mentioned feeling disappointed when your mother does not meet your expectations. This is a common source of frustration in parent-child relationships. When we have high expectations of those we are close to, we may set ourselves up for disappointment. This can lead to feelings of irritability and frustration, which you then express in your interactions.

3. Regret and Guilt: After these moments of frustration, feeling regret and sadness is also a natural response. It shows that you care about your relationship with your mother and recognize the impact of your behavior on her. This cycle of emotional highs and lows can be exhausting and may lead to feelings of guilt, which can further complicate your emotional state.


Strategies for Improvement
1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings and the triggers that lead to irritability. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this. Write down your thoughts and feelings when you notice a shift in your mood. This can help you identify patterns and triggers.

2. Communication: Open communication with your mother about your feelings can be beneficial. You might express that you sometimes feel overwhelmed and that it’s not her fault. This can help her understand your perspective and may improve your interactions.

3. Setting Realistic Expectations: It may help to adjust your expectations of your mother and yourself. Recognize that no one is perfect, and it’s okay for relationships to have ups and downs. Accepting that your mother may not always respond in the way you hope can reduce feelings of disappointment.

4. Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help you manage your emotions better. These techniques can provide you with tools to calm yourself when you feel irritation rising.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you find that these feelings persist and significantly impact your daily life, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. They can provide you with strategies tailored to your specific situation and help you explore any underlying issues that may be contributing to your emotional fluctuations.


Conclusion
In summary, what you are experiencing is a common emotional struggle that many people face, particularly in close relationships. It does not necessarily indicate a mental illness but rather reflects the complexities of human emotions and relationships. By employing strategies such as self-reflection, open communication, and mindfulness, you can work towards managing these emotional ups and downs more effectively. If needed, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance to support you on this journey. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and taking steps towards understanding and improving your emotional health is a sign of strength.

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