Am I Suffering from Depression? Mental Health Struggles

Could this be depression?

Hello, doctor.
I used to be quite an optimistic person, but ever since I started high school, I have felt a constant sense of pressure.
I gradually began to fear social interactions and felt like no one needed me, leading me to believe that I have no reason to exist in this world.
I even feel anxious about going outside, overwhelmed by the fear of others' judgment.
In high school, I had two good friends, but they became closer with each other, and as everyone's social circles formed, I felt unable to fit in.
Since that day, I have developed a fear of contact with others, worried that my friends will abandon me.
I started self-harming, and I find myself crying easily, wishing someone would end my life, thinking that death would be better.
I truly don't want to exist in this world.
Later, I told my mom that I wanted to take a break from school and retake my exams.
After leaving school, I thought I could start anew, but I realized I couldn't interact with people like I used to.
I find others frightening and am terrified of their gaze.
When I get home, I start crying uncontrollably, feeling miserable, and thoughts of suicide resurface.
Doctor, could you please tell me if this indicates a mental illness?

KaKa, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/08/23

Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry

Dear Sir/Madam,
From your letter, it is evident that you are experiencing significant stress and distress due to emotional changes, including increased fearfulness, crying spells, self-harming behaviors, and negative thoughts.
These issues are likely having a serious impact on your daily life and interpersonal interactions, and they are markedly different from your usual self.
This indicates that we should pay close attention to these changes.
I recommend that you talk to someone close to you, such as family or friends.
Additionally, seeking support from your school counselor or mental health professional is advisable.
You may also want to consider a psychological evaluation or treatment from a psychiatrist.
I hope you will agree to involve trusted adults or healthcare providers in your care.
I believe and hope that tomorrow will bring you greater comfort.
Wishing you peace and joy,
Dr.
Chang Fang-Rong, Psychiatrist

Reply Date: 2017/08/23

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. From what you've described, it seems you are dealing with significant emotional distress, which may indeed be indicative of depression or another mental health issue.
Depression is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyable. It can also manifest in physical symptoms, such as changes in sleep patterns, appetite, and energy levels. Your feelings of worthlessness, fear of social interactions, and thoughts of self-harm are serious indicators that you should seek professional help.

The feelings of being overwhelmed by pressure, fear of judgment from others, and the sense of isolation you described are common in individuals experiencing depression or anxiety disorders. Social anxiety, in particular, can lead to avoidance of social situations due to fear of negative evaluation, which seems to resonate with your experiences of feeling unwelcome in your social circles.

It's crucial to understand that these feelings are not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Many individuals experience similar struggles, especially during transitional periods like high school or college, where social dynamics can shift dramatically. The fact that you have started to self-harm and have thoughts of wanting to escape life is concerning and should be addressed immediately.

I strongly encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and help you understand what you are going through. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial, offering you tools to cope with your emotions and navigate your social fears. In some cases, medication may also be recommended to help manage symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Regarding confidentiality, mental health professionals are bound by strict ethical guidelines to protect your privacy. Your information will be kept confidential, and you can discuss any concerns about this with your therapist or doctor at the outset.

In the meantime, consider reaching out to someone you trust, whether it's a family member, friend, or teacher. Sharing your feelings can be a powerful first step in alleviating some of the burdens you are carrying. Engaging in self-care activities, such as exercise, journaling, or creative outlets, can also provide temporary relief and help you express your emotions in a healthier way.

Remember, you are not alone in this, and there is help available. Taking the step to seek support is a sign of strength, and it can lead you toward a path of healing and recovery. Your life is valuable, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time.

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