Healing Emotional Trauma in Toddlers: How to Rebuild Trust After a Scare

Q: Healing Emotional Trauma in Toddlers: How to Rebuild Trust After a Scare

Hello： People are not perfect, and neither is this world. <br>Such events have likely occurred in many families. <br>The first thing to do is to avoid excessive self-blame. <br>We can reflect on our childhood experiences; most of us have memories of being scolded by our parents,

If your emotional outburst has frightened your baby, how can you remedy the situation?

Hello Dr.
Liang, my son is now one and a half years old.
Every time I prepare meals in the kitchen, he loves to run in to find me.
On one hand, I worry about his safety, and on the other hand, I can't focus on my tasks.
I have consistently told him not to enter the kitchen, but after some time, my emotions erupted the day before yesterday.
I raised my voice and sternly told him not to go into the kitchen, and I was so angry that I slammed a chair.
I think I scared him.
To this day, my son remembers this incident and keeps saying he doesn't want mommy.
He seems reluctant to play with me and doesn't dare to look me in the eye.
The words he used to say clearly now seem to come out more muffled.
Additionally, whenever he wants to sleep or has just woken up—when he is in a more dazed state—he cries out saying he doesn't want mommy.
I apologized to him the day after the incident, telling him how much I love him and that I won't get so angry again, asking him not to be afraid.
However, he still says he doesn't want mommy, and I wonder if I have left a traumatic shadow in his heart.
I have reflected on this and considered installing a baby safety gate at the kitchen entrance, but I am unsure how to remedy his psychological trauma.
If Dr.
Liang could take the time to respond, I would be very grateful.
Thank you!

L, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/09/28

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: People are not perfect, and neither is this world.
Such events have likely occurred in many families.
The first thing to do is to avoid excessive self-blame.
We can reflect on our childhood experiences; most of us have memories of being scolded by our parents, but these incidents usually do not cause trauma because we ultimately understand that they were isolated events and experience our parents' unconditional love.
Children will always yearn for the closeness of a warm mother.
As long as frightening events do not happen frequently, a child's anxiety will gradually diminish over time.
Since the child is still young, what is needed now is warm companionship—playing games together, reading picture books together, allowing joyful parent-child interactions to dilute the fearful experiences.
Be patient and continue to provide care and companionship; the child will stabilize, so please do not worry excessively.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2017/09/28

More Info

Healing emotional trauma in toddlers, especially after a frightening incident, is a delicate process that requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort. Your situation with your son is not uncommon; children can be quite sensitive to their parents' emotions and reactions. When you expressed anger and frustration, even if it was a momentary lapse, it can have a lasting impact on a young child's developing psyche.

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that toddlers are still learning how to process their emotions and understand the world around them. They may not fully comprehend the reasons behind their parents' actions, but they can certainly feel the emotional weight of those actions. In your case, your son may have felt scared and confused by your outburst, leading to his current behavior of avoiding you and expressing fear.

To help rebuild trust and heal the emotional trauma your son may be experiencing, consider the following strategies:
1. Consistent Reassurance: Continue to reassure your son of your love and support. Use simple language that he can understand. Phrases like "Mommy loves you very much" and "It's okay to be with Mommy" can help him feel secure. Reassurance should be consistent and frequent, especially during moments when he seems anxious or withdrawn.

2. Create a Safe Environment: As you mentioned, installing a baby gate in the kitchen is a practical step to ensure his safety while allowing you to work without constant worry. This can help him understand that the kitchen is off-limits without the need for harsh words or anger.

3. Model Calmness: Children learn by observing their parents. Try to model calm behavior, especially in situations that may be stressful. If you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and collect yourself before responding. This will not only help you manage your emotions but also teach your son how to handle frustration and stress.

4. Engage in Play: Spend quality time with your son engaging in activities he enjoys. Play is a powerful tool for toddlers to express their feelings and rebuild connections. Through play, he can feel safe and secure, and it can help him open up about his feelings indirectly.

5. Use Storytelling: Children often relate to stories. Consider reading books that address emotions, fear, and trust. Stories can help him understand that it's okay to feel scared and that he is not alone in his feelings. You can also create a simple story about a character who learns to overcome fear, which can parallel his experience.

6. Encourage Expression: Allow your son to express his feelings, even if he cannot articulate them fully. Encourage him to use drawings or simple words to express how he feels. Validate his feelings by acknowledging them, saying things like, "It's okay to feel scared sometimes."
7. Be Patient: Healing takes time, especially for toddlers. Understand that it may take a while for your son to feel completely comfortable around you again. Be patient and give him the space he needs to process his emotions.

8. Seek Professional Help if Necessary: If your son's fear persists or worsens, consider consulting a child psychologist or therapist who specializes in early childhood development. They can provide tailored strategies and support for both you and your son.

In conclusion, rebuilding trust after an emotional trauma requires a nurturing and supportive approach. By providing consistent reassurance, creating a safe environment, modeling calmness, engaging in play, using storytelling, encouraging expression, and being patient, you can help your son heal from this experience. Remember, it's a journey, and with love and understanding, you can guide him through it.

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