Helping a Child Overcome Fear After a Distressing Incident

Q: Helping a Child Overcome Fear After a Distressing Incident

Hello： Many children may experience fear responses after unpleasant events, and it may take some time for their fear to gradually diminish. <br>What we can do is to provide comfort, companionship, and reassurance, as well as to offer more positive experiences to dilute the memori

Children's fears and anxieties?

Hello, I would like to ask for advice regarding my nearly four-year-old child who accidentally bumped into a lady in red while riding a balance bike in the community.
The lady scolded him loudly, and at that moment, I was busy feeding my younger child and did not see the incident.
I heard the commotion and went out to understand what happened.
We apologized the next day, but the lady reported the incident to the police, claiming she had a bruise on her knee.

Now, my child is afraid when he is in the community lobby, courtyard, or using the elevator.
He expresses fear of encountering the "red lady," and although he has forgotten her face, he becomes suspicious of any unfamiliar woman, asking if they are the "red lady." When entering the lobby or courtyard, he will hold my hand tightly, and if the elevator is empty, he won't hold my hand, but if a woman enters, he becomes anxious and grips my hand, quietly asking if that lady is the "red lady."
I have tried to reassure him, telling him that we will protect him and that the lady will not harm him.
However, he imagines scenarios where the lady might take him away or hit him.
I have been attentive to his emotional state, providing him with a sense of security and engaging him in conversation.
He has asked if the police would arrest the lady if she hit him, and I reassured him that if she did, we could ask the police for protection, as they catch bad people.

Recently, he has shown some improvement when passing through the lobby and is not as tense.
However, he has started to say things like "you are bad" while making a shooting gesture.
I am unsure about his current emotional state and whether he needs to see a doctor.

orange, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/09/19

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: Many children may experience fear responses after unpleasant events, and it may take some time for their fear to gradually diminish.
What we can do is to provide comfort, companionship, and reassurance, as well as to offer more positive experiences to dilute the memories of fear.
It is recommended that caregivers consistently approach the child's fear with a warm and calm demeanor, which may help the child feel more secure over time.
If the situation does not improve, seeking medical assistance may be advisable.

Reply Date: 2016/09/19

More Info

Helping a child overcome fear after a distressing incident can be a challenging yet crucial task for parents and caregivers. In your case, your child experienced a frightening event when he accidentally collided with a woman while riding a scooter, which has led to significant anxiety and fear of encountering strangers, particularly women. This response is not uncommon in children who have faced unexpected or distressing situations, and it is essential to approach the situation with care and understanding.

First and foremost, it is important to acknowledge your child's feelings. Children often express fear in ways that may seem irrational to adults, but these feelings are very real to them. Your child’s fear of the "red-dressed lady" is a manifestation of his anxiety surrounding the incident. It is crucial to validate his feelings by letting him know that it is okay to feel scared and that you are there to support him. This validation can help him feel understood and less isolated in his fear.

Creating a safe environment is key in helping your child regain a sense of security. You mentioned that he feels safer when he holds your hand in certain situations, such as entering the elevator or the community hall. Continue to provide that physical reassurance, as it can help him feel more secure. Gradually encourage him to explore these spaces with you, reinforcing the idea that he is safe and that you are there to protect him.
Engaging in open conversations about his fears can also be beneficial. Encourage him to express what he feels and why he thinks certain situations are scary. You can gently correct any misconceptions he may have, such as the idea that a stranger will harm him. Use simple language and examples he can understand. For instance, you can explain that most people are kind and that it is important to be cautious but not fearful of everyone.
Additionally, introducing positive experiences with other adults can help counterbalance his fear. Arrange playdates or outings with trusted friends or family members who can help him feel comfortable around adults again. This exposure can help him learn that not all adults are threatening and that many are friendly and safe.

If your child's fear persists or worsens, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A child psychologist or counselor can provide targeted strategies to help him cope with his anxiety. They can also assess whether his fear is developing into a more significant anxiety disorder, which may require more structured intervention.

In summary, helping your child overcome fear after a distressing incident involves validating his feelings, creating a safe environment, encouraging open communication, and gradually reintroducing positive experiences with others. If necessary, do not hesitate to seek professional support. Remember, patience is key, as overcoming fear can take time, and your continued support will be invaluable in his healing process.

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