Am I Experiencing Symptoms of Depression? Your Feelings - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the depth of your feelings and the complexity of your situation. From what you’ve described, it appears that you are experiencing a range of distressing symptoms that could be indicative of depression or another mental health condition. It’s important to understand that feeling overwhelmed, having thoughts of self-harm, experiencing mood swings, and feeling a pervasive sense of sadness are significant signs that warrant professional attention.

Depression is a multifaceted mental health disorder that can manifest in various ways, including emotional, cognitive, and physical symptoms. Common emotional symptoms include persistent sadness, hopelessness, irritability, and feelings of worthlessness. Cognitive symptoms can involve difficulty concentrating, indecisiveness, and recurrent thoughts of death or self-harm. Physical symptoms may include changes in sleep patterns, appetite changes, fatigue, and psychomotor agitation or retardation.

Your experience of feeling increasingly unhappy, coupled with thoughts of self-harm and a sense of not wanting to exist, is concerning. The fact that you have had thoughts of various ways to end your life, even if you are currently not acting on them, indicates that you are in a place of significant emotional distress. It’s crucial to take these feelings seriously. The fluctuation between feeling happy in front of others and feeling deeply sad inside is also a common experience among those struggling with depression, often referred to as "masking" one’s true feelings.

You mentioned that you have previously sought help but canceled appointments due to fear or doubt about the effectiveness of treatment. This is a common barrier for many individuals seeking mental health support. However, it’s essential to remember that mental health professionals are trained to help you navigate these feelings and can provide you with coping strategies and treatment options tailored to your needs. Therapy, whether cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or another form, can be incredibly beneficial in helping you understand and manage your emotions.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or feeling like you might act on those thoughts, it’s crucial to reach out for help immediately. This could be through a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. In the U.S., there are also crisis hotlines available where you can talk to someone who understands and can provide immediate support.

Regarding your concerns about the confidentiality of your treatment, mental health professionals are bound by strict confidentiality laws. Your information will be kept private, and you can discuss any concerns about this with your provider before starting treatment.

In summary, it’s vital to seek help. You are not alone in this, and there are people who want to support you through your struggles. Taking that first step to reach out for help can be daunting, but it is a courageous and necessary action towards healing. Please consider contacting a mental health professional or a crisis hotline to discuss your feelings and explore your options for support. Your well-being is important, and you deserve to find relief from the pain you are experiencing.