Behavioral Issues in Aging: A Guide for Families

Blame, criticism, self-centeredness, resentment, anxiety, stubbornness, closed-mindedness, withdrawal?

Hello Dr.
Chiu, I would like to inquire about my father's condition as I am quite worried that there may be pathological issues.
I am concerned about whether we are interacting with him in the right way and fear that we might worsen his situation.
He exhibits behaviors such as blaming, criticizing, being self-centered, harboring resentment, anxiety, stubbornness, being closed off, and withdrawing.
My father is 60 years old (retired, with a social circle limited to family and relatives, and no friends).

For example:
1) He often blames and criticizes the situations of family members and relatives, seemingly harboring long-standing resentment.
He frequently brings up past grievances and struggles to let go.
He believes that his upbringing by his grandparents was too strict, even though they have been deceased for over ten years.

2) He tends to excessively boast about himself and is mostly self-centered, often failing to consider the surrounding circumstances, which leads him to say inappropriate things.

3) He is reluctant to engage with others and is particularly troubled by noise from neighbors in the apartment.
He feels that a specific neighbor is antagonizing him by deliberately making noise and has even retaliated by creating noise in return.
He is very insistent on his own views, and this situation has persisted for over two years.
Attempts to communicate have been ineffective, and his emotions often reflect unhappiness and anger, sometimes leading him to use profanity.
Due to living in an apartment, it is difficult to determine the source of the noise.

Additionally, I have observed repetitive subconscious hand movements over the past six months, possibly indicative of thinking, where he makes a checkmark gesture with his index finger, which seems unusual.
When driving, if the car encounters issues, or if he is on difficult mountain roads or gets lost, he experiences restlessness and fear, making him hesitant to continue driving.
This has been ongoing for about three to four years, but his thinking, cognition, and daily functioning remain clear and good.

I hope to receive some assistance from you.
Thank you very much, and I would appreciate it if my father's age and information about his social circle remain confidential.
Thank you.

Nǚ'ér, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/04/12

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Your father's condition may require further observation and evaluation for any pathological issues.
Based on the problems described in your letter, I personally do not see any obvious abnormal manifestations.
It is common for individuals of similar age and circumstances as your father to exhibit these reactions.
I suggest that you assist your father in arranging a more enriching retirement lifestyle (such as slow living, leisure travel, and lifelong learning...).
This should be beneficial.

Reply Date: 2018/04/12

More Info

Based on your description, it seems that your father is exhibiting several concerning behavioral patterns that could be indicative of underlying psychological issues. Given that he is 60 years old and has recently retired, it is not uncommon for individuals in this age group to experience significant changes in their mental health and social interactions. The behaviors you mentioned—such as criticism of family members, holding onto past grievances, self-centeredness, and withdrawal from social interactions—could be symptomatic of various conditions, including depression, anxiety, or even early signs of cognitive decline.

Understanding Behavioral Changes in Aging
1. Emotional and Psychological Factors: Aging can bring about feelings of loss, whether it be loss of a job, loss of social connections, or loss of physical abilities. These feelings can manifest as irritability, anger, or withdrawal. Your father's tendency to dwell on past grievances and express resentment may suggest he is struggling to cope with these changes. This is not uncommon; many older adults find it challenging to adapt to new life circumstances, leading to emotional distress.

2. Cognitive Functioning: While you noted that your father's thinking, cognition, and daily functioning appear clear and good, the repetitive hand movements and anxiety while driving could indicate underlying anxiety or obsessive-compulsive tendencies. These behaviors might not necessarily point to cognitive decline but could suggest a need for coping mechanisms to manage stress and anxiety.

3. Social Isolation: The fact that your father has a limited social circle, primarily consisting of family and relatives, can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and frustration. Social engagement is crucial for mental health, especially in older adults. Encouraging him to reconnect with friends or engage in community activities could help alleviate some of his negative feelings.

4. Communication and Conflict Resolution: It seems that attempts to communicate with your father about his feelings and behaviors have been met with resistance. This is common in individuals who may feel threatened by the idea of change or who are not ready to confront their issues. It might be beneficial to approach conversations with empathy and understanding, rather than criticism. Using "I" statements (e.g., "I feel worried when I see you upset") can help reduce defensiveness.

5. Professional Help: Given the complexity of your father's behaviors, it may be beneficial for him to speak with a mental health professional. A psychologist or psychiatrist can provide a thorough assessment and determine if there are any underlying mental health conditions that need to be addressed. Therapy can also offer him a safe space to express his feelings and learn coping strategies.

Recommendations for Family Interaction
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Create an environment where your father feels safe to express his feelings without judgment. This can help him feel more understood and less isolated in his experiences.

- Promote Social Activities: Encourage him to participate in social activities or hobbies that interest him. This could be anything from joining a local club to participating in community events, which can help reduce feelings of isolation.

- Monitor for Changes: Keep an eye on any changes in his behavior or mood. If you notice significant changes, it may be time to seek professional help.

- Self-Care for Family Members: Caring for someone with behavioral issues can be emotionally taxing. Ensure that you and other family members are also taking care of your mental health and seeking support when needed.

In conclusion, your father's behaviors warrant attention and understanding. While it may be challenging to navigate these changes, fostering open communication, encouraging social engagement, and seeking professional help can significantly improve his quality of life and your family dynamics.

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