Emotional Instability: Seeking Help for Mental Health

Q: Emotional Instability: Seeking Help for Mental Health

Hello： Yes, reality can be so frustrating, and sometimes the only option is to escape, isn't it? These feelings of frustration seem to have no one to confide in, unable to be embraced or processed, and of course, they can emerge like a wild beast waiting for the right moment. <br

Emotional instability

Hello, although I have read many Q&As, I still doubt that I might not have a mental health issue, but rather a problem with my emotional intelligence, so I would like to ask.
I feel that since last year, my emotions have become increasingly irritable.
I often feel impatient, and when someone touches on a minor issue that others don't care about, I get angry.
Last week, I got upset over a trivial matter, and my mom and sister laughed at me, saying I was acting crazy because I was inexplicably upset over something small.
In a fit of anger, I threw something at my sister, and she asked, "Are you sick? Why are you throwing things?" After that, I locked myself in my room and cried silently.
That was the first time I realized how easily I lose my temper, and I am very worried that I might become a person who is dangerous in terms of domestic violence in the future.

In fact, I have had this situation since middle school, where I would lose my temper, sometimes yelling loudly, throwing things in my room, and banging my head against the wall, followed by crying (I wouldn't dare throw things in front of my parents because my mom would throw things at me and slap me).
Usually, this happened when my exam results were poor, and my mom kept emphasizing how well other kids were doing, which made me angry.
I actually feel somewhat insecure; I was ostracized by all the girls in elementary school, and although the reason for the ostracism was ridiculous (I played at the house of the girl who was the most popular in class), I became hesitant to communicate with others after that.
I have very few friends, and even when I am in a group where I disagree with certain aspects, I usually don't dare to express my dissent for fear of being disliked.
In middle and high school, I heard people call me a freak, and sometimes I despise myself for being this way.
I genuinely feel like I have no strengths, only flaws, and I often face criticism from my family.
Sometimes, when I cook something on a whim, I hope to receive praise, but it usually ends up being criticized, which makes me very sad.
Since I realized I need to control my emotions, I have been reminding myself not to get upset or angry over the past few days, but tonight I broke down.
After throwing my keys, I suddenly regretted it.
My mom, standing nearby, threw a cabbage at me and said, "What are you throwing? Do you want to see who can throw better? Try throwing something in front of me again!" At that moment, I immediately went out to pick up my sister, and on the way, I was yelling and crying, feeling like I couldn't control my emotions at all, which made me particularly sad.
To be honest, the only way I find peace is by escaping reality through reading novels, listening to music, and sleeping.
What should I do? I don't want my family to see me as crazy or a weirdo.

Jingyang, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/07/09

Dr. Huang Jiabin reply Psychiatry

Hello: Yes, reality can be so frustrating, and sometimes the only option is to escape, isn't it? These feelings of frustration seem to have no one to confide in, unable to be embraced or processed, and of course, they can emerge like a wild beast waiting for the right moment.
How to tame it is the question.
Are you ill? No, but you are indeed troubled.
I would suggest seeking psychological counseling or therapy to transform it into a companion that, while still wild, can follow commands.

Reply Date: 2018/07/09

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress, and it's commendable that you are seeking to understand and address these feelings. The symptoms you describe—frequent irritability, emotional outbursts, feelings of self-doubt, and a history of being bullied—can be indicative of underlying mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, rather than simply being a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that emotional instability can stem from various factors, including stress, unresolved trauma, or even biological predispositions. Your experiences of being bullied and feeling isolated during your childhood can have long-lasting effects on your self-esteem and emotional regulation. These past experiences may contribute to your current emotional responses, making you more sensitive to stressors and leading to outbursts over seemingly minor issues.

The fact that you are aware of your emotional reactions and are concerned about them is a positive step. However, the cycle of anger and subsequent regret can be exhausting and damaging, not only to yourself but also to your relationships with family members. It’s crucial to find healthier coping mechanisms and strategies to manage your emotions.

Here are some suggestions that may help you:
1. Seek Professional Help: Consulting a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide you with the tools and support you need. Therapy can help you explore the root causes of your emotions, develop coping strategies, and improve your emotional regulation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for managing anger and anxiety.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help you become more aware of your emotions and reduce impulsive reactions. These techniques can create a pause between your feelings and your responses, allowing you to choose how to react.

3. Develop Healthy Outlets for Emotions: Instead of suppressing your feelings or expressing them through anger, find constructive ways to express yourself. Journaling, engaging in creative activities, or talking to a trusted friend can provide an outlet for your emotions.

4. Establish a Support System: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand what you are going through. Open communication about your feelings can help them understand your struggles and provide the support you need.

5. Set Realistic Goals: Work on setting small, achievable goals for managing your emotions. For example, you might aim to take a few deep breaths before responding when you feel angry or to express your feelings verbally instead of through actions.

6. Educate Yourself: Learning more about emotional regulation and mental health can empower you. Understanding that many people experience similar struggles can help reduce feelings of isolation and self-judgment.

7. Limit Stressors: Identify and minimize sources of stress in your life where possible. This might involve setting boundaries with people who trigger negative emotions or finding ways to manage your workload more effectively.

8. Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly improve mood and reduce anxiety. It releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. Even a daily walk can make a difference.

9. Nutrition and Sleep: Ensure you are eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep. Both are crucial for emotional well-being and can impact how you handle stress.

10. Avoid Substance Use: If you find yourself turning to alcohol or drugs to cope, it’s essential to seek help. These substances can exacerbate emotional instability and lead to further issues.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and to take time to work on these issues. You are not alone in this, and with the right support and strategies, you can learn to manage your emotions more effectively and improve your overall well-being.

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