Managing Sexual Desire: Tips for Healthy Expression and Control

Sexual desire resolution

At the age of 37, I am still a virgin and have sexual desires.
I would like to ask the doctor how to manage my sexual fantasies and urges, as I often think about visiting pornographic websites and engaging in sexual encounters.
In the past, I frequently masturbated but have never had sexual contact with women.
Please provide me with some advice.

bu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/03/05

Dr. Xu Wencang reply Urology

Engage in more outdoor activities and maintain a regular daily routine.

Reply Date: 2019/03/05

More Info

Managing sexual desire can be a complex issue, especially when it involves feelings of frustration or anxiety about one's sexual experiences or fantasies. It's important to recognize that sexual desire is a natural part of human life, and many people experience it in various forms throughout their lives. Here are some strategies to help you manage your sexual desires in a healthy way:
1. Understand Your Feelings: Acknowledge that having sexual fantasies and desires is completely normal. It's essential to differentiate between fantasy and reality. While fantasies can be a healthy part of your sexuality, acting on them inappropriately can lead to negative consequences.

2. Healthy Outlets: Engaging in physical activities, such as exercise or sports, can help channel your energy and reduce sexual tension. Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and help you feel more balanced.

3. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Techniques such as meditation can help you gain control over your impulses and reduce anxiety related to sexual desires.

4. Explore Interests and Hobbies: Redirecting your focus to hobbies or interests can be an effective way to manage sexual thoughts. Engaging in creative activities, learning new skills, or spending time with friends can provide fulfillment and distract you from sexual urges.

5. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If you find that certain websites or media increase your sexual fantasies or desires, consider limiting your exposure to them. This can help reduce the frequency of these thoughts and allow you to focus on healthier outlets.

6. Seek Professional Help: If you find that your sexual desires are overwhelming or causing distress, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can provide support and strategies tailored to your specific situation. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one approach that can help you understand and manage your thoughts and behaviors related to sexuality.

7. Healthy Sexual Education: Educating yourself about sexuality can help demystify some of your feelings and provide a more balanced perspective. Understanding the emotional and physical aspects of sexual relationships can help you approach them with more confidence and clarity.

8. Consider Healthy Relationships: Building healthy relationships with others can provide emotional support and companionship. Engaging in social activities and meeting new people can help you form connections that may lead to romantic relationships in the future.

9. Self-Exploration: If you feel comfortable, exploring your own body through masturbation can be a healthy way to understand your sexual desires better. It can help you learn what you enjoy and reduce the intensity of your sexual urges without needing to engage with others.

10. Respect Boundaries: Always remember to respect the boundaries of others. Consent is crucial in any interaction, and understanding this will help you navigate relationships more healthily.

In conclusion, managing sexual desire involves a combination of self-awareness, healthy outlets, and sometimes professional guidance. It's essential to approach your feelings with compassion and understanding, recognizing that everyone has their own journey regarding sexuality. If you find that your desires are causing significant distress or impacting your daily life, seeking help from a qualified mental health professional can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate these feelings effectively.

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