Unusual Sexual Behavior in Relationships: What to Do Next - Urology

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Partner's unusual sexual interests


Two months ago, after starting to engage in sexual activity with my girlfriend, she became very proactive and often wanted to be intimate, which I was naturally happy about.
However, two weeks ago, she started exhibiting strange behavior by masturbating me while I was asleep, and I only woke up when I ejaculated.
At that time, I took it as a form of intimacy and didn’t overreact.
Last week, she did it again, and I didn’t dare to reprimand her.
Afterward, I subtly told her that I felt uncomfortable and had a sense of being violated, but her response seemed evasive and indifferent.
Then yesterday, I woke up to find dried semen on my stomach, suggesting she might have done it again while I was asleep.
I was too deeply asleep to know for sure and didn’t dare to ask her.
What could be causing her to behave this way? How should I handle this situation? Which specialist should I consult?

Qiu, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/08/09

Dr. Du Shixi reply Urology


Hello: It is important to have a good discussion to understand and express your thoughts.
General practitioners may not be able to resolve certain issues, so it might be better to seek specialized physicians or therapists.
Wishing you good health.

Reply Date: 2019/08/09

More Info


Understanding unusual sexual behavior in relationships can be complex and often requires careful consideration of both partners' feelings and boundaries. In your situation, it appears that your girlfriend has engaged in behavior that you find uncomfortable and invasive, which raises important questions about consent and communication in your relationship.

First and foremost, it is crucial to recognize that consent is a fundamental aspect of any sexual relationship. Consent must be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing. Engaging in sexual activities while one partner is asleep, without their explicit consent, can be considered a violation of trust and personal boundaries. It is understandable that you felt uncomfortable and even violated by her actions, especially since you woke up to find that she had engaged in sexual activity with you while you were unaware.

There could be various reasons for your girlfriend's behavior. It may stem from a heightened sexual desire, possibly influenced by hormonal changes or psychological factors. Sometimes, individuals may engage in sexual behaviors that they believe are playful or exciting without fully considering the implications or the comfort level of their partner. However, it is also possible that her actions could be indicative of deeper psychological issues, such as a lack of understanding of boundaries or even a form of sexual compulsion.

To address this situation, open and honest communication is essential. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Talk to Her: Find a calm and private moment to discuss your feelings with her. Express how her actions made you feel uncomfortable and violated. Use "I" statements to focus on your feelings rather than placing blame, such as "I felt uncomfortable when I realized what happened while I was asleep."
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding sexual activity. Let her know what is acceptable and what is not. It is important that both partners feel safe and respected in the relationship.

3. Seek Professional Help: If your girlfriend seems dismissive of your feelings or if her behavior continues, it may be beneficial for both of you to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor specializing in sexual health or relationship dynamics can provide guidance and support. They can help both of you navigate these issues and improve communication.

4. Consider Individual Therapy: If you find it difficult to cope with the situation or if it has affected your mental well-being, consider seeking individual therapy. A mental health professional can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.

5. Evaluate the Relationship: If your girlfriend is unwilling to acknowledge your discomfort or to engage in a constructive conversation about boundaries, you may need to evaluate whether this relationship is healthy for you. Mutual respect and understanding are crucial for a successful partnership.

In summary, your girlfriend's behavior raises significant concerns about consent and boundaries in your relationship. It is essential to communicate openly with her about your feelings and to establish clear boundaries moving forward. Seeking professional help can also provide valuable support in navigating this complex situation. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual consent, and both partners should feel safe and valued.

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