Paranoia: Is It a Mental Illness in Family Dynamics?

Is having issues related to family considered a mental illness?

I'm the eldest son in my family.
Since kindergarten, my family has been torn apart due to my father's infidelity.
Despite this, my parents have not divorced, and now that I've graduated from college, one thing that hasn't changed is that my mother has constantly instilled in me some paranoid thoughts since I was a child.
These include beliefs like "Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt are brainwashing me," and "Grandma and Grandpa are covering for my dad's affair." It seems like everyone in the world has wronged her.
She often recounted how she was bullied by her brother and grandmother during her childhood, almost every night.
Although there is a sense of pity, I feel anger when I think about how I was subjected to these paranoid and negative statements every day and every night during my formative years, which affected my mental development.
It wasn't until I grew up and began to resist this behavior that things improved slightly, but it still continues.
Recently, she made comments on LINE such as: "Your dad is still rich and dating trashy women every day," "Now I realize that sacrificing my youth for my children is not worth it; money is what matters, haha!" "That's why your dad is so arrogant, pushing the responsibility of caring for his own flesh and blood onto me, whom he sees as an outsider," "Don't expect anything from your aunt and grandma; your dad's actions are all thanks to your grandma," and "Throughout my life, it doesn't matter who cared, but at least I understand human nature; it comes from the heart.
I still speak my mind and be myself.
Your grandma's brainwashing doesn't work on me anymore, haha!"
Additionally, I still live with my dad.
Although she verbally claims they are like divorced and demands alimony every month, every time I go home, I see my mom intentionally causing trouble and repeating her previous paranoid statements (as mentioned above).
Because of this broken family and the environment, I don't want to return home after graduation, and even my childhood memories are filled with disgust.

I would like to ask the doctor what kind of issues could lead someone like my mother to maintain such paranoia and delusions for over a decade and refuse to let go? Could this be classified as a mental illness? I have previously informed her that she might have a mental-related disorder, but she shows no insight into her condition.
I would like to know what the doctor recommends in this situation.
Thank you, doctor.

Lin Shifu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/08/20

Dr. Huang Xiaoxian reply Psychiatry

Dear Mr.
Lin,
It seems that your mother has been experiencing a lot of emotions due to years of marital dissatisfaction, which may also affect you.
While there may not be visible psychiatric symptoms, it appears that your mother's emotional state is indeed significantly impacted.
I suggest that you focus on her feelings and encourage her to seek evaluation from a mental health professional or consider counseling to help her adjust her mood.
Wishing you both the best!

Reply Date: 2019/08/20

More Info

Your situation is complex and deeply rooted in family dynamics that have likely shaped both your and your mother's mental health over the years. From what you've described, it seems that your mother exhibits signs of paranoia and possibly other mental health issues, which can significantly impact her perception of reality and her relationships with family members.

Paranoia is characterized by intense and irrational mistrust or suspicion of others. In your mother's case, her beliefs about family members conspiring against her or "brainwashing" her reflect a distorted view of reality that can be symptomatic of a mental illness. This kind of thinking can stem from various factors, including past trauma, unresolved emotional issues, or even genetic predispositions to mental health disorders. It is not uncommon for individuals who have experienced significant stress or trauma, such as infidelity in a marriage, to develop paranoid thoughts as a coping mechanism.
Your mother's persistent focus on negative experiences and her tendency to project her feelings onto others can be indicative of a deeper psychological issue. This behavior can be classified under several mental health conditions, including paranoid personality disorder or delusional disorder, depending on the severity and nature of her beliefs. However, diagnosing a mental illness requires a comprehensive evaluation by a qualified mental health professional.

The impact of your mother's behavior on you and your family is significant. Growing up in an environment where you are constantly exposed to negative and paranoid thoughts can lead to feelings of anxiety, resentment, and a distorted view of relationships. It is understandable that you feel anger towards her for instilling these beliefs in you, as they can hinder your ability to form healthy relationships and trust others.

In terms of addressing your mother's behavior, it is essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. While it may be frustrating to witness her refusal to acknowledge her mental health issues, it is crucial to recognize that she may not be fully aware of the extent of her condition. Mental illness can often cloud judgment and create a barrier to seeking help.

Here are some steps you might consider taking:
1. Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that your mother speak with a mental health professional. You could frame it as a way for her to gain support and understanding rather than labeling her as having a mental illness. Emphasize that therapy can provide her with tools to cope with her feelings and improve her relationships.

2. Set Boundaries: It is important to protect your mental health. If your mother's conversations become too negative or distressing, consider setting boundaries around what topics you are willing to discuss. You can express your love and concern while also prioritizing your well-being.

3. Seek Support for Yourself: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor about your experiences and feelings. They can help you process your emotions and develop strategies for coping with your mother's behavior.

4. Educate Yourself: Understanding mental health issues can empower you to navigate your relationship with your mother more effectively. Learning about paranoia and its effects can help you approach conversations with compassion and patience.

5. Family Therapy: If your mother is open to it, family therapy could provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings and work towards healthier communication patterns.

In conclusion, your mother's behavior may stem from unresolved psychological issues that have persisted over the years. While it can be challenging to confront these issues, approaching the situation with empathy, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help for both her and yourself can lead to a healthier family dynamic. Remember, change takes time, and it is essential to prioritize your mental health throughout this process.

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