Breakup issues
Hello, Doctor.
I am the one who previously asked you about my girlfriend's depression issues.
I have summarized her current situation.
Generally, she seems happy when we are together (I see her laughing a lot, but I'm not sure what she really thinks inside).
However, she sometimes suddenly feels very down, doesn't want to socialize, cries, experiences severe headaches and dizziness, feels tightness in her chest, and has difficulty breathing.
When she is in a bad mood, she tends to think of everything negatively, even having thoughts of wanting to die.
Currently, she is taking "You-Jet 50mg (Sertraline HCl)" and "Aripiprazole 5mg," both at half a dose.
Just this afternoon, she was laughing and seemed very happy, but after a short nap, her mood started to decline.
Just a moment ago, when she was still feeling very low, she told me she wanted to take a break for a while (one month), and after that, we can decide whether to stay together or not.
She mentioned that thinking about me makes her feel overwhelmed, and I agreed.
Doctor, I still want to be with her, but I don't know if this is a good plan.
What can I do during this time? Should we take a break from contacting each other and meeting? Would continuing our relationship after a month be a good idea, or could this lead to a permanent breakup?
Mr. Huang, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/12/11
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello Mr.
Huang: Thank you for your question.
It seems that your girlfriend's emotions are not very stable, as she may suddenly feel very down, want to cry, experience dizziness, headaches, chest tightness, difficulty breathing, negative thoughts, and even suicidal ideation, all of which could be manifestations of depression.
Additionally, it is important to assess whether she is experiencing panic attacks.
I suggest you ask your girlfriend if she would be willing to let you accompany her to see a doctor; discussing her situation directly with the physician would be beneficial.
Given your girlfriend's current symptoms, it appears that her medication dosage may be insufficient, and making some adjustments to her medication could help her condition.
Regarding her request to take a break for a while, I recommend evaluating her stability first before making any decisions.
Making significant decisions during periods of instability often leads to less than ideal outcomes.
If you have any questions about this, you can also discuss it with her doctor during an outpatient visit.
Wishing you peace and happiness!
Reply Date: 2019/12/11
More Info
Navigating a relationship with a partner who is experiencing depression can be incredibly challenging, especially when they express a desire for space or a temporary breakup. Your situation is complex, and it’s commendable that you are seeking to understand how best to support your girlfriend while also considering your own feelings and needs.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that depression can manifest in various ways, and your girlfriend’s fluctuating moods are a common symptom. The fact that she can appear happy and engaged one moment and then feel overwhelmed and despondent the next is indicative of the unpredictable nature of this mental health condition. The symptoms you described—crying, headaches, chest tightness, and negative thoughts—are all signs that she is struggling with her mental health. It’s crucial to approach this situation with empathy and understanding.
When your girlfriend expressed a desire to take a break for a month, it’s essential to respect her request. This doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship; rather, it can be an opportunity for both of you to reflect on your feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Taking a step back can sometimes provide clarity and allow individuals to focus on their mental health without the added pressure of a relationship.
During this month, it’s important to consider how you can support her while also taking care of yourself. Here are some suggestions:
1. Respect Her Space: If she has asked for some time apart, it’s vital to honor that request. This means limiting contact and giving her the space she needs to process her feelings. It can be difficult, especially if you want to reach out, but respecting her boundaries is crucial.
2. Encourage Professional Help: If she isn’t already, encourage her to continue or seek professional help. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial for individuals dealing with depression. It provides them with a safe space to explore their feelings and develop coping strategies.
3. Self-Care: Use this time to focus on your own mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you navigate your feelings during this challenging time.
4. Keep Communication Open: While you should respect her request for space, it’s also important to let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk. A simple message expressing your support without pressure can go a long way.
5. Reflect on the Relationship: Use this time to think about your relationship and what you want moving forward. Consider what aspects of the relationship are fulfilling and what challenges you face. This reflection can help you approach the situation with a clearer mindset when you reconnect.
6. Plan for the Future: After the month has passed, you can reach out to her and see how she feels. It’s essential to have an open and honest conversation about the relationship, her mental health, and what both of you want moving forward. Be prepared for any outcome, whether it’s rekindling the relationship or deciding to part ways amicably.
In conclusion, while it’s natural to feel anxious about the future of your relationship, taking a step back can be a healthy choice for both of you. Supporting a partner with depression requires patience, understanding, and sometimes the willingness to let them take the lead in their healing process. Remember, mental health is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help and support along the way, both for her and for yourself.
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