How to Support a Boyfriend Struggling with Depression and Relationship Issues

Q: How to Support a Boyfriend Struggling with Depression and Relationship Issues

Netizens often make an analogy with patients： depression is like having a fever in the brain. <br>Just as a physical fever often requires medication for recovery, so does emotional distress. <br>You can also recommend good doctors you know or share information about depression, s

My boyfriend seems to be suffering from depression and constantly wants to break up with me. What should I do?

Hello, in the past week, my boyfriend has been experiencing a lot of negative emotions.
This is mainly due to the fact that this year he has repeatedly lost or broken his computer, phone, and headphones.
Last week, someone accidentally broke his computer again.
A few months ago, he also suffered from a nervous breakdown due to work-related stress.
It seems that too many things have happened this year, leading to an outburst of negative emotions, and he feels like he’s just having a string of bad luck.
He mentioned that he doesn’t want to burden me or let me down, and he’s considering breaking up with me.

Recently, he has been having trouble sleeping, is easily distracted, has no appetite, experiences panic attacks, and has even expressed feelings of meaninglessness in life.
I suggested that we go to counseling together and reassured him that there’s nothing wrong with it, but he responded that he’s too busy with work.
Over the past few days, I’ve made an effort to spend time with him, and when we’re together, he seems to feel better.
He even initiates plans for the next day or talks about future activities we could do together.
However, whenever he visits a store to look at computers, he feels happy in the moment, but afterward, the negative emotions resurface.
He deletes photos from our chat, keeps insisting that breaking up might be for the best, and has said goodbye multiple times.
He keeps saying that I can’t help him and doesn’t answer my calls.
I’m unsure of what to do and am afraid that he might really stop wanting to see me.
In the past, he has dealt with his emotions on his own, often using a form of emotional withdrawal.
This time, I had to work hard to get him to open up about his feelings, and it seems that his friends are unaware of his situation.
I want to take him to see a counselor or a psychiatrist, but he has rejected my suggestions.
Is there any way to soften his stance? I feel that when I’m around him, his mood improves.
Last night, we even shared a rare kiss before parting, but now he’s talking about breaking up again.
His lack of appetite is also worrying me, and I don’t know how to prevent him from avoiding me.
I feel very sad and distressed.

Si, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/12/14

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Netizens often make an analogy with patients: depression is like having a fever in the brain.
Just as a physical fever often requires medication for recovery, so does emotional distress.
You can also recommend good doctors you know or share information about depression, such as the common feeling of guilt.
It usually takes multiple attempts to successfully persuade someone, so keep trying.
Dr.
Wu En-Liang.

Reply Date: 2022/12/14

More Info

Supporting a boyfriend who is struggling with depression and relationship issues can be challenging, especially when he is experiencing significant emotional turmoil. It’s clear that he is going through a tough time, and your concern for his well-being is commendable. Here are some strategies you can use to support him effectively while also taking care of your own emotional health.

1. Open Communication
Encourage open and honest communication. Let him know that you are there for him and that he can talk to you about his feelings without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone listen can make a significant difference. Ask him how he feels and what he needs from you. However, be mindful not to push him to share if he is not ready.

2. Encourage Professional Help
While you have already suggested counseling, it’s important to continue to gently encourage him to seek professional help. Explain that therapy can provide him with tools to cope with his feelings and that it’s a sign of strength to seek help. If he is resistant, you might offer to help him find a therapist or even accompany him to the first appointment if he is open to it.

3. Be Patient and Understanding
Depression can cause individuals to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. It’s essential to be patient with him as he navigates these feelings. Understand that his mood swings and negative thoughts are part of his struggle. Validate his feelings by letting him know it’s okay to feel this way and that he is not alone.

4. Engage in Positive Activities Together
Try to engage him in activities that he enjoys or that can help lift his mood. This could be anything from going for a walk, watching a movie, or participating in a hobby together. The goal is to create positive experiences that can help counterbalance his negative feelings. However, be mindful of his energy levels and willingness to participate.

5. Monitor His Well-being
Keep an eye on his physical health as well. Changes in appetite and sleep patterns can be concerning. Encourage him to maintain a healthy diet and try to establish a regular sleep schedule. Sometimes, physical health can significantly impact mental health.

6. Set Boundaries for Yourself
While it’s important to support him, it’s equally crucial to take care of your own mental health. Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Set boundaries to ensure you are not sacrificing your well-being. Make time for your own interests and social connections.

7. Avoid Ultimatums
If he expresses a desire to break up, try to avoid reacting with ultimatums or pressure. Instead, express your feelings and concerns calmly. Let him know that you care about him and want to support him, but also respect his feelings and decisions.

8. Educate Yourself About Depression
Understanding depression can help you empathize with what he is going through. Learn about the symptoms, causes, and treatments of depression. This knowledge can help you provide better support and understand his behavior.

9. Create a Safe Space
Make sure he knows that your relationship is a safe space where he can express himself without fear of judgment. This can help him feel more comfortable sharing his thoughts and feelings with you.

10. Be There, Even When He Pushes Away
It’s common for individuals with depression to push loved ones away. Reassure him that you are there for him, even if he feels like isolating himself. Sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can be a lifeline.

Conclusion
Supporting a partner with depression requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to engage in open communication. While you can provide support, remember that professional help is crucial for him to navigate his feelings effectively. Encourage him to seek help, and be there for him as he works through his challenges. Ultimately, taking care of your own mental health is just as important, so ensure you have your own support system in place as well.

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