Why Can't I Ejaculate During Sex with My Girlfriend? - Urology

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Experiencing difficulty in ejaculation during sexual intercourse with a girlfriend?


Hello, doctor.
I would like to ask why I can't ejaculate when I'm having intercourse with my girlfriend.
I can achieve an erection, and sometimes my girlfriend feels that it's quite firm, but even after 4 to 5 minutes, I still can't ejaculate.
There have been many times when I felt close to ejaculation, but it just doesn't happen (we always use condoms).
However, I can ejaculate when I do it myself! This is our first time having intercourse, but we have done it about 5 or 6 times now.
I wonder if that has anything to do with it, or if it's because I do it myself too often (about every two days).
Also, I have a slightly long foreskin, but it's not to the point of phimosis; could that be a factor? Or is it possible that using a condom is affecting my ability to ejaculate? I would appreciate your help, doctor.

Mr. Yang, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/03/09

Dr. Du Mingyi reply Urology


Most of it is still due to being too tense; just try a few more times and relax.

Reply Date: 2020/03/09

More Info


Ejaculation difficulties during sexual intercourse can be a frustrating experience, especially for individuals who have previously been able to ejaculate during masturbation. There are several factors that could contribute to this issue, and understanding them can help you address the situation effectively.

1. Psychological Factors: Anxiety and stress are common culprits when it comes to sexual performance. If you are feeling nervous about the act of intercourse, especially if it is a new experience for you and your girlfriend, this can inhibit your ability to ejaculate. Performance anxiety can create a cycle where the pressure to perform leads to further anxiety, making it even harder to achieve ejaculation.

2. Physical Factors: While you mentioned that you have a long foreskin but not a complete phimosis (where the foreskin cannot be retracted), this could still play a role in your experience. A longer foreskin may lead to increased sensitivity or discomfort during intercourse, which can affect your ability to climax. Additionally, the use of condoms can sometimes reduce sensitivity, making it more difficult to reach orgasm. If the condom is too thick or not the right fit, it can further diminish sensation.

3. Frequency of Masturbation: You noted that you engage in masturbation approximately every two days. While masturbation is a normal and healthy activity, if you are used to a specific technique or level of stimulation during masturbation, you may find that it is harder to achieve the same level of arousal during intercourse. This is particularly true if you are accustomed to a certain rhythm or pressure that may not be replicated during sex with a partner.

4. Experience Level: Since both you and your girlfriend are relatively new to sexual activity, it is possible that the lack of experience is contributing to the situation. Learning to communicate effectively with your partner about what feels good and what does not can enhance your sexual experience and potentially help with ejaculation.

5. Physical Health: It is also important to consider your overall physical health. Conditions such as hormonal imbalances, certain medications, or even fatigue can impact sexual performance. If this issue persists, it might be worth consulting a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical conditions.


Recommendations:
- Communication: Talk openly with your girlfriend about your experiences and feelings. This can help alleviate some of the anxiety surrounding performance and create a more relaxed atmosphere during intercourse.

- Experiment with Techniques: Try different positions, levels of stimulation, and even different types of condoms to see if they make a difference. You might find that certain methods work better for you.

- Focus on Foreplay: Spend more time on foreplay to increase arousal before penetration. This can help you feel more relaxed and may enhance your ability to ejaculate.

- Reduce Anxiety: Consider relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises before engaging in sexual activity. This can help reduce performance anxiety.

- Consult a Professional: If the issue continues, consider speaking with a healthcare provider or a sex therapist. They can provide tailored advice and support to help you navigate this situation.

In conclusion, ejaculation difficulties during intercourse can stem from a combination of psychological and physical factors. By addressing these aspects and maintaining open communication with your partner, you can work towards a more satisfying sexual experience. If the problem persists, seeking professional guidance may be beneficial.

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