Symptoms of Psychosomatic Disorders: A Personal Journey

What are the symptoms?

Hello, Doctor: I have some questions I would like to ask you.
I am a patient with a neurosis, and I often forget things or events, which contributes to a gloomy aspect of my life.
My work attitude is to do my best, but I always feel less capable and learn at a slower pace than others.
I really hate myself for feeling so incompetent; I have faced the fate of being "let go" several times since I started working, and there are some practical skills I just cannot achieve.
Am I considered to have "developmental delays"?
On another note, regarding my thoughts: I was thrown into a field after my parents' car accident when I was young, and later my mother told me that I vomited bile at that time.
Since childhood, I have sometimes felt different from others mentally.
For example, when I was an apprentice at a pastry shop, for some unknown reason, I experienced thoughts of betraying my boss several times.
Additionally, I have a very close relationship with my younger brother, but there were times when he faced failure, and I felt a sense of schadenfreude, which I don't understand.
It feels as if there is a demon hidden within my thoughts! I did associate with bad friends when I was younger, but I don't know if that is the reason.
I later turned my life around and became a better person.
I hope you can take the time to answer these questions for me.
Thank you.

Zhao, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2002/12/04

Dr. Chen Mingzhe reply Psychiatry

"Developmental delay" cannot be defined in a 22-year-old woman like you; it generally applies to preschool-aged children.
Your situation may be related to symptoms of "neurosis." Additionally, due to your vague description of the car accident that occurred in your childhood, it is not possible to determine whether your symptoms are related to that event.
Your psychological issues are not different from those of others; when people treat you well, you respond with loyalty, and conversely, when they treat you poorly, it is natural to have feelings of mischief or schadenfreude.
Over time, this can lead to rebellious feelings.
Therefore, this mindset is normal; the key issue is whether one can make the best judgment at critical moments to align with societal norms and moral behavior, which is a matter of personal wisdom.

Reply Date: 2002/12/04

More Info

Your inquiry touches on a complex interplay of psychological and emotional experiences that can indeed be challenging to navigate. Based on your description, it seems you are grappling with symptoms that may align with psychosomatic disorders, as well as potential underlying anxiety or mood disorders.
Psychosomatic disorders are characterized by physical symptoms that arise from psychological factors. This means that while you may experience genuine physical discomfort or cognitive difficulties, these symptoms can be exacerbated or even caused by emotional stress, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. In your case, the forgetfulness and feelings of inadequacy you describe could be manifestations of underlying anxiety or depression, which are common in individuals who have experienced significant trauma, such as the car accident you mentioned.

The feelings of being "slower" or "less capable" than others can often stem from negative self-perception, which is frequently reinforced by past experiences. It's important to recognize that these feelings do not define your worth or potential. Many individuals who face similar challenges find that their perceived limitations can be addressed through therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which can help reframe negative thought patterns and improve coping strategies.

Your mention of having thoughts that seem to betray your values, such as feeling pleasure at a sibling's failures, can be particularly distressing. This could indicate an internal conflict or a struggle with feelings of guilt or shame. It's not uncommon for individuals who have faced trauma to experience a range of emotions that can seem contradictory or confusing. Engaging in therapy can provide a safe space to explore these feelings without judgment and to understand their origins.

Regarding your concerns about being a "developmentally delayed child," it's crucial to approach this label with caution. While you may feel that your learning pace is slower, this does not necessarily mean you are developmentally delayed. Everyone has unique learning styles and paces, and many factors can influence how we learn and process information, including emotional well-being, environmental factors, and personal interests.
The fact that you have made efforts to change your behavior and seek a more positive path is commendable. It shows resilience and a desire for personal growth. Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals and distancing yourself from negative influences can significantly impact your mental health and overall outlook on life.

In conclusion, I encourage you to seek professional help if you haven't already. A mental health professional can provide a comprehensive assessment and help you understand the underlying issues contributing to your symptoms. They can work with you to develop coping strategies, improve your self-esteem, and address any trauma you may have experienced. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking steps towards understanding and healing is a vital part of your journey. You are not alone in this, and there are resources available to support you.

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