Am I Gay? Sexual Attraction and Identity at 21 - Psychiatry

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Understanding your sexual orientation can be a complex and sometimes confusing journey, especially at the age of 21 when many individuals are still exploring their identities. Based on your description, it seems you are experiencing a mix of attractions and feelings that are not uncommon among young adults.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum. You may find yourself attracted to both men and women, which could indicate that you are bisexual. However, the feelings you have towards muscular men—admiration, envy, and occasional arousal—do not necessarily define your sexual orientation. It’s quite common for individuals to admire the physical attributes of others without it being tied to sexual attraction.
Your interest in the bodies of muscular men could stem from a variety of factors. It might be a combination of admiration for their physical fitness, a desire to emulate their appearance, or even a form of self-motivation to improve your own physique. This admiration does not automatically classify you as gay or bisexual; rather, it reflects a human tendency to appreciate beauty and strength in others.

The fact that you also express a desire for sexual relationships with women indicates that you have a level of attraction to them as well. This duality of attraction is a hallmark of bisexuality. It’s also worth noting that sexual attraction can be fluid; it can change over time and in different contexts. Many people experience varying levels of attraction to different genders throughout their lives.

Your feelings of wanting to be physically attractive like the men you admire, combined with your interest in women, suggest that you are still in the process of understanding your own identity. It’s perfectly normal to feel conflicted or uncertain about your sexual orientation at this stage in your life.
Moreover, societal expectations and personal experiences can heavily influence how we perceive our attractions. If you feel pressure to conform to a certain identity, it may complicate your feelings further. It’s essential to give yourself the grace to explore these feelings without the need for immediate categorization.
If you find that these feelings are causing you distress or confusion, consider speaking with a mental health professional who specializes in sexual orientation and identity issues. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and help you understand your attractions better.

In summary, your experiences of attraction to both men and women, along with your admiration for muscular men, suggest that you may be exploring a bisexual identity. However, it’s crucial to remember that labels are not necessary for self-acceptance. Take your time to explore your feelings, and don’t hesitate to seek support if you need it. Understanding your sexual orientation is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take the time you need to figure it out.