Navigating Mental Health Challenges: Coping with OCD, PTSD, and Medication Concerns - Psychiatry

Anticipatory anxiety, insomnia, and years of seeking medical attention?

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OCD (first year, Fluoxetine - insomnia, constipation) PTSD (exempted from military service, previously hospitalized in an acute care unit) mild Asperger's (as noted by the military examination physician) previously reported for domestic violence by university counseling.
Past history: developmental delay (did not speak at age three, participated in sensory integration therapy) autism (diagnosed by a pediatrician at the time, later obtained proof from the evaluation committee).
Medication history (primarily focusing on the past four years of university to present): Fluoxetine (insomnia, constipation), Paroxetine (increased suicidal thoughts, constipation), Sertraline (developed GERD), Escitalopram (allergic reaction), Fluvoxamine (fell asleep during national exams), Duloxetine (dyspepsia, constipation), Venlafaxine (excessive sweating even under air conditioning), Mirtazapine (weight gain, constipation), Bupropion (insomnia), Mocalm (no side effects), Agomelatine (headaches and diarrhea).
Currently, due to fear of side effects from antidepressants and other medications, I am only taking Quetiapine 25mg at bedtime (utilizing its sedative effect), Z-drugs, and Estazolam (but I am currently considering stopping it, trying to reduce the next-morning drowsiness caused by Quetiapine).

1.
I easily turn one problem into a hundred problems, continuously extending issues based on past experiences, which leads to increased anxiety.
For example, previously, when the original brand of Prozac was announced to be withdrawn from the Taiwanese market due to price cuts [health insurance drug pricing], although there were many [generic drugs] available as substitutes, the hospitals only stocked medications from a few manufacturers.
Moreover, what if it was a small-volume domestic medication? Then I would generate another question - what if I switch medications, take it for ten years, and it suddenly announces it will no longer be supplied? Even if there are a few generic alternatives, it’s a small-volume drug! What should I do? Although I checked the hospital's medication identification system and found that the hospital stocks it, what if it hasn’t been updated? (Experience) Oh~~ Kaohsiung Medical University Hospital does not stock Quetiapine 25mg, only Seroquel XR 50mg/tablet [extended-release tablet].
What should I do? It seems that the XR extended-release tablet 50mg cannot be split; what should I do? Conclusion: I fall into a loop of "what if...
what should I do," and the more I think, the more intense it becomes.
I try to fill in with backup plans, but the more I try to fill, the larger the issue grows...
2.
Currently serving in a rural area, there is naturally a lack of medical resources, leading me into another loop - if the attending physician at this hospital leaves, resulting in outpatient services only available on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, how should I return for follow-up? (The schedule often runs continuously for 4 to 5 days) If there are only afternoon clinics, will I make it in time for the evening shift? If I switch to another hospital, but that hospital does not stock my appropriate medication, what should I do? If the physician at that hospital refuses to see me, considering it a waste of health insurance resources, what should I do? (Experience) If due to unforeseen circumstances, I go to the emergency department to get a 3-day supply of medication, but there is insufficient psychiatric consultation in rural healthcare, what should I do? (Experience) Conclusion: Others have episodes at certain points in time; I have two days where my entire holiday is ruined = =.
This time, I accidentally expressed everything in one go without much thought to the attending physician, directly requesting a 28-day supply of Agomelatine, and then after many days, headaches and diarrhea became increasingly apparent...
Later, the attending physician said: "Then just stop it! But you can only endure until the next follow-up to change the antidepressant." I originally thought that by contemplating backup plans, I could change my perspective and realize that there are many solutions, but the more I think, the more intense it becomes.
Searching online yields no help, and asking local experts (pharmacists) might make them think I have a problem = =? Or perhaps they cannot provide me with the correct answers (experience).
I wonder if the knowledge level in rural areas is lower, so pharmacists seem only required to provide simple answers...
The stress of hospital shift work is significant; changing environmental factors does not necessarily lead to change, and adjustments in lifestyle and spending on counseling are often very limited...
In fact...
I have many, many struggles that I want to express as much as possible, but sometimes...
the more I know and the more I try to grasp surrounding resources, the more I realize the smallness of hope, and I feel powerless to change...
I also don’t know if it’s persistent low mood, but I have become expressionless, less talkative, and unlike before, I no longer go out to play at internet cafes.
Even though my mom bought me a computer, I have yet to touch it...
Even when I’m hungry, it’s hard to go out, and just writing this piece has taken me two whole days (actually, my expectation and optimism for the physician's assistance have gradually diminished).
I feel like I have disappointed and troubled many people, even causing some to distance themselves from me...

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Si Yi Gong Fei Sheng Pian Xiang Fu Wu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/04/03