Painful Intercourse: Seeking Help for Vaginal Concerns - Obstetrics and Gynecology

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Fear of pain during intercourse leads to reluctance to penetrate the vagina?


Hello, doctor.
I am still a virgin.
When I look in the mirror to find my vagina, I see a solid wall of flesh in the middle, with a small slit that is even thinner than a fingernail below it, and below that is the anus.
I'm not sure if that slit is the vaginal opening, as it looks quite different from the pictures I found online.
When I lightly touch that wall of flesh (the hymen?), it is very painful, which is why my boyfriend and I have not been able to successfully engage in intercourse, and I feel a bit frustrated.
My menstrual cycle is generally normal.
I mentioned to my doctor during a visit that I couldn't find my vagina, and she just said that it definitely exists.
I would like to know if I can go to a gynecologist to help me identify which part is the vagina.
When I inquired at the front desk, they asked if I had any sexual experience, which I do not.
However, I am not opposed to a pelvic exam.
If the opening is indeed too small, will the doctor consider making an incision? If not, will that wall of flesh become less painful with regular practice of touching it? Thank you!

N, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/04/28

Dr. Huang Yuande reply Obstetrics and Gynecology


It's fine; an experienced obstetrician-gynecologist can recognize it at a glance.
Typically, this symptom (such as the absence of menstrual flow) would not require surgical intervention.

Reply Date: 2021/04/28

More Info


It's understandable to feel confused and anxious about your body, especially when it comes to intimate matters like sexual intercourse. Your concerns about identifying your vaginal opening and the pain you experience when touching the area are valid and deserve attention. Let's break down your situation and explore the best steps you can take.

Firstly, it’s important to clarify that the structure you are referring to as a "solid wall" may be the hymen, which is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening in some individuals. However, the appearance and elasticity of the hymen can vary significantly from person to person. In many cases, the hymen can stretch or tear during activities such as exercise, tampon use, or sexual intercourse, but this does not always happen, and some individuals may have a more elastic hymen that does not impede penetration.

The pain you experience when touching this area could be due to several factors, including anxiety, tension, or even a condition known as vaginismus, where involuntary muscle contractions make penetration painful or impossible. It’s also possible that the pain is simply a result of sensitivity in that area, which can be heightened by anxiety or lack of familiarity with your body.

Given your situation, it is highly recommended that you seek a consultation with a gynecologist. A gynecologist specializes in female reproductive health and can provide you with the necessary guidance and support. During your visit, you can discuss your concerns openly, and the doctor can perform a physical examination to help you identify the vaginal opening and assess any potential issues. It’s important to be honest about your experiences, including the pain and your lack of sexual experience, as this information will help the doctor understand your situation better.

Regarding your question about whether the doctor might perform a procedure to "cut" the hymen, this is generally not a common practice unless there is a medical necessity. In most cases, the hymen can stretch naturally over time, especially with gradual exposure and practice. Engaging in gentle self-exploration and using lubrication can help reduce discomfort and increase familiarity with your body. However, it’s crucial to approach this at your own pace and comfort level.

If you are open to it, consider discussing relaxation techniques or pelvic floor exercises with your healthcare provider. These can help alleviate tension in the pelvic area and may make the experience of penetration more comfortable in the future. Additionally, if you feel comfortable, you might also explore using vaginal dilators, which are designed to help gradually stretch the vaginal opening and reduce discomfort.

Lastly, remember that communication with your partner is key. Discussing your feelings and concerns with your boyfriend can help both of you navigate this experience together. It’s essential to ensure that you feel safe and supported in your intimate relationship.

In summary, seeking professional help from a gynecologist is the best course of action. They can provide you with accurate information, assess your physical condition, and offer tailored advice to help you feel more comfortable and confident in your body. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help; your health and well-being are of utmost importance.

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