Fear of pain during intercourse leads to reluctance to penetrate the vagina?
Hello, doctor.
I am still a virgin.
When I look in the mirror to find my vagina, I see a solid wall of flesh in the middle, with a small slit that is even thinner than a fingernail below it, and below that is the anus.
I'm not sure if that slit is the vaginal opening, as it looks quite different from the pictures I found online.
When I lightly touch that wall of flesh (the hymen?), it is very painful, which is why my boyfriend and I have not been able to successfully engage in intercourse, and I feel a bit frustrated.
My menstrual cycle is generally normal.
I mentioned to my doctor during a visit that I couldn't find my vagina, and she just said that it definitely exists.
I would like to know if I can go to a gynecologist to help me identify which part is the vagina.
When I inquired at the front desk, they asked if I had any sexual experience, which I do not.
However, I am not opposed to a pelvic exam.
If the opening is indeed too small, will the doctor consider making an incision? If not, will that wall of flesh become less painful with regular practice of touching it? Thank you!
N, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/04/28
Dr. Huang Yuande reply Obstetrics and Gynecology
It's fine; an experienced obstetrician-gynecologist can recognize it at a glance.
Typically, this symptom (such as the absence of menstrual flow) would not require surgical intervention.
Reply Date: 2021/04/28
More Info
It's understandable to feel confused and anxious about your body, especially when it comes to intimate matters like sexual intercourse. Your concerns about identifying your vaginal opening and the pain you experience when touching the area are valid and deserve attention. Let's break down your situation and explore the best steps you can take.
Firstly, it’s important to clarify that the structure you are referring to as a "solid wall" may be the hymen, which is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening in some individuals. However, the appearance and elasticity of the hymen can vary significantly from person to person. In many cases, the hymen can stretch or tear during activities such as exercise, tampon use, or sexual intercourse, but this does not always happen, and some individuals may have a more elastic hymen that does not impede penetration.
The pain you experience when touching this area could be due to several factors, including anxiety, tension, or even a condition known as vaginismus, where involuntary muscle contractions make penetration painful or impossible. It’s also possible that the pain is simply a result of sensitivity in that area, which can be heightened by anxiety or lack of familiarity with your body.
Given your situation, it is highly recommended that you seek a consultation with a gynecologist. A gynecologist specializes in female reproductive health and can provide you with the necessary guidance and support. During your visit, you can discuss your concerns openly, and the doctor can perform a physical examination to help you identify the vaginal opening and assess any potential issues. It’s important to be honest about your experiences, including the pain and your lack of sexual experience, as this information will help the doctor understand your situation better.
Regarding your question about whether the doctor might perform a procedure to "cut" the hymen, this is generally not a common practice unless there is a medical necessity. In most cases, the hymen can stretch naturally over time, especially with gradual exposure and practice. Engaging in gentle self-exploration and using lubrication can help reduce discomfort and increase familiarity with your body. However, it’s crucial to approach this at your own pace and comfort level.
If you are open to it, consider discussing relaxation techniques or pelvic floor exercises with your healthcare provider. These can help alleviate tension in the pelvic area and may make the experience of penetration more comfortable in the future. Additionally, if you feel comfortable, you might also explore using vaginal dilators, which are designed to help gradually stretch the vaginal opening and reduce discomfort.
Lastly, remember that communication with your partner is key. Discussing your feelings and concerns with your boyfriend can help both of you navigate this experience together. It’s essential to ensure that you feel safe and supported in your intimate relationship.
In summary, seeking professional help from a gynecologist is the best course of action. They can provide you with accurate information, assess your physical condition, and offer tailored advice to help you feel more comfortable and confident in your body. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help; your health and well-being are of utmost importance.
Similar Q&A
Understanding Vaginal Discomfort: Solutions for Painful Intercourse
Hello, doctor! I have had several boyfriends, but I have been unable to engage in sexual intercourse successfully. I have used lubricants and have sufficient foreplay, and my level of arousal seems fine. However, every time my partner tries to penetrate, even just a little, I exp...
Dr. Zhang Kunmin reply Obstetrics and Gynecology
Hello, based on your description, it is advisable to first try medication for improvement. I recommend consulting a gynecologist for examination and treatment. Thank you! Wishing you peace and health. Dr. Chang[Read More] Understanding Vaginal Discomfort: Solutions for Painful Intercourse
Understanding Sexual Health Issues: Seeking Solutions for Discomfort and Apathy
Hello Dr. Tsai Meng-Ju, I have plans to walk down the aisle with my boyfriend, but we are facing some issues in our sexual life that I would like to consult with you about. 1. Every time we have intercourse, even though my boyfriend is very attentive during foreplay and I achie...
Dr. Cai Mengru reply Family Medicine
Dear Manman, Hello, your issue is somewhat difficult to categorize, as it seems there are no psychological problems involved. Physiologically, you are still experiencing clitoral orgasms, but there is less response from the vagina. This may be considered a type of sexual arousal...[Read More] Understanding Sexual Health Issues: Seeking Solutions for Discomfort and Apathy
Understanding Painful Intercourse: Causes and Solutions for Women
Hello doctor, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year. He is my first partner, and our sexual activity has always been normal; he uses condoms and I take oral contraceptives. Recently, I have been under a lot of stress and have developed a urinary tract in...
Dr. Zhang Kunmin reply Obstetrics and Gynecology
Hello, the situation you described suggests that you should have a physician evaluate whether the inflammation has been properly treated before assessing the underlying cause. Thank you! Wishing you peace and health. Dr. Chang[Read More] Understanding Painful Intercourse: Causes and Solutions for Women
Understanding and Managing Painful Intercourse: Tips for Relief and Prevention
Hello, Dr. Wu. About a month ago, I started experiencing a burning and stinging sensation in my vulva during sexual intercourse with my boyfriend. We only have sex about two to four times a month, but my partner tends to be less patient and usually only spends about half an hour ...
Dr. Wu Xianghui reply Obstetrics and Gynecology
1. It is recommended to use condoms throughout the entire sexual encounter, and lubricants may be used if necessary. 2. Vaginal infections can cause abnormal discharge, itching, fever, bleeding, pain during intercourse, and lower abdominal pain, which are the most common symptoms...[Read More] Understanding and Managing Painful Intercourse: Tips for Relief and Prevention
Related FAQ
(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Vaginal Inflammation(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Dyspareunia(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Oral Sex(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Masturbation(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Vaginal Bleeding(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Urethritis(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Headache(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Lower Abdominal Pain(Obstetrics and Gynecology)
Vulvar Itching(Obstetrics and Gynecology)