Do I Need Therapy After a Heartbreak? Emotional Distress

Q: Do I Need Therapy After a Heartbreak? Emotional Distress

Hello, netizen： If the anxiety is very severe, it is indeed necessary to seek medical attention and discuss with a physician whether medication or referral to psychotherapy is needed. <br>Dr. <br>Wu Enliang.

Do I need to see a doctor after a breakup?

Hello doctor, I would like to know if my situation is an overreaction or if I am really unwell.
Last year, on my birthday, I had an argument with my first love over something trivial, and he slapped me four times, pushed me onto the bed, and threatened me by pressing his foot against my face while saying many hurtful things.
At that time, I had someone pursuing me, and later, I entered a relationship with him with a nonchalant attitude.
However, I felt very distressed and began confiding in some friends.
Some of them advised me to stay with my first love.
During this period, I started having various arguments with him; he blamed me for causing his emotional outbursts and told me to reflect on myself, claiming that I was the one ruining our social circle.
Some friends even spread the word about what happened, with one saying he was trying to help.
When I sought advice from others, they already knew the situation and asked me to share my side first so they could compare the truth, which hurt me deeply.
I felt like I was being treated as a topic of gossip.
My pursuer's ex even went to complain to my first love about her ex, which led my first love to insult me harshly.
Some people, who didn’t understand what happened, approached me wanting to have a serious talk but did so with a smirk, which I found disgusting.
Just seeing them makes me uncomfortable.
My family dislikes my first love for no apparent reason, but I haven’t told them what happened.
After learning about my breakup, my family started to suspect it was my fault and that I had cheated, which was painful.
Even though it has been six months, I still think about what happened and the things my first love said.
I worry that he might be posting things to insult me secretly and feel anxious that everyone is laughing at me for not being able to move on.
Sometimes, I even dream that my first love is trying to chase me down.
When I’m alone, I tend to overthink, and at work, if my current partner does something similar to my first love, I become fearful and anxious.
Recently, a friend is returning to the country, and I feel even more scared that he might be like those people, which increases my anxiety.
Am I overreacting? Thank you, doctor.

K, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/06/11

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, netizen: If the anxiety is very severe, it is indeed necessary to seek medical attention and discuss with a physician whether medication or referral to psychotherapy is needed.
Dr.
Wu Enliang.

Reply Date: 2021/06/11

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress following a traumatic breakup and the events surrounding it. Your feelings are valid, and it is important to recognize that emotional pain can have a profound impact on your mental health. Here’s a comprehensive look at your situation and whether therapy might be beneficial for you.

Understanding Your Emotional Distress
1. Trauma and Abuse: The incident you described, where you were physically harmed and emotionally threatened, is a form of abuse. Such experiences can lead to lasting psychological effects, including anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It’s not uncommon for individuals who have experienced abuse to struggle with feelings of fear, anxiety, and self-doubt long after the event has occurred.

2. Ongoing Anxiety: Your ongoing thoughts about the past, including fears of being judged or ridiculed by others, are signs of anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and hyper-vigilance (being overly alert to potential threats). These symptoms can significantly affect your daily life, including your work and relationships.

3. Social Dynamics: The involvement of friends and the way they have reacted to your situation can add another layer of stress. Feeling misunderstood or judged by those around you can exacerbate feelings of isolation and anxiety. It’s understandable to feel hurt when people gossip or fail to support you during a difficult time.

4. Family Dynamics: The reaction of your family, particularly their suspicion regarding your breakup, can further complicate your emotional state. When those we care about do not understand our experiences, it can lead to feelings of shame and frustration.

Do You Need Therapy?
Given the complexity of your situation, therapy could be very beneficial for you. Here are some reasons why:
1. Processing Trauma: A therapist can help you process the trauma of your past relationship, allowing you to work through your feelings in a safe and supportive environment. This can help reduce the intensity of your emotional pain and anxiety.

2. Coping Strategies: Therapy can provide you with effective coping strategies to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier ways of thinking.

3. Support System: A therapist can serve as a neutral party who can offer support and validation. This can be particularly important if you feel isolated or misunderstood by friends and family.

4. Building Resilience: Therapy can help you build resilience and improve your self-esteem, which may have been affected by your past relationship and the subsequent events. This can empower you to move forward and make healthier choices in future relationships.

Self-Help Strategies
In addition to seeking therapy, there are self-help strategies you can employ:
1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall emotional well-being.

2. Journaling: Writing about your feelings and experiences can be a therapeutic way to process emotions. It can help you gain clarity and insight into your thoughts.

3. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain people or situations trigger anxiety, it may be helpful to limit your exposure to them while you work through your feelings.

4. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand your situation. Open communication about your feelings can help strengthen these relationships.

Conclusion
Your feelings of distress are not trivial; they are a legitimate response to a difficult and traumatic experience. Seeking therapy can provide you with the tools and support needed to navigate your emotions and heal from your past. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and taking that step can be a significant part of your healing journey.

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