the Struggles of OCD: A Personal Journey Through Anxiety

For several years, I have felt compelled to suppress myself?

This situation has been ongoing intermittently for several years, especially increasing in frequency during times of anxiety.
If I don't touch the doorknob within a few seconds, I feel like something terrible will happen.
When washing my face, I must open my eyes during the seventh rinse; if I ride my bike in the front position, something bad will occur.
Sometimes, these thoughts make me suddenly accelerate while riding because if I get overtaken by the car behind me, something horrifying will happen.
Despite others telling me that 99% of the things I worry about won't happen, I can't help but feel compelled to perform these actions; otherwise, something terrifying will occur.

When I touch the faucet while washing my hands, I feel like germs are spreading to my hands, so I use soap to wash them, but then I worry that someone with an STD has touched it.
If water splashes while rinsing, I feel scared and have to wash with soap again, fearing that if I don't, I will get sick.
Sometimes, when I go to the restroom, I even hold my breath because I'm afraid of inhaling bacteria.
Visiting hospitals or dermatology clinics makes me more anxious than usual, as I fear infections.
While riding my bike, I sometimes have thoughts about someone next to me or someone I know getting into an accident, so I constantly check to ensure they are okay.

Occasionally, a thought will suddenly pop into my head that I must immediately close my eyes; if I open them later and make eye contact with someone, I feel like I will get sick.
If I don't cross the street within 10 seconds, I believe an accident will happen, so I feel compelled to act.
If I fail to do so, even by a second, I feel I must perform another action.
If I don't complete that action either, I believe two terrible things will occur...

Ni Yixuan, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/08/27

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry

Hello Yixuan, it seems that you are experiencing obsessive symptoms.
It must have been difficult for you to endure this situation for so many years.
I recommend that you seek help from a psychiatrist to improve your symptoms through medication and psychotherapy.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Reply Date: 2021/08/27

More Info

Your experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is both distressing and complex, and it’s important to understand that you are not alone in this struggle. OCD is characterized by intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that lead to repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) aimed at reducing the anxiety associated with those thoughts. Your description of feeling compelled to perform specific actions—like touching a doorknob a certain way or washing your hands multiple times—reflects the hallmark symptoms of OCD.

The anxiety you feel when you do not perform these rituals is a common experience among those with OCD. The fear of catastrophic outcomes, such as illness or accidents, can create a cycle of compulsive behavior that is difficult to break. This cycle often leads to significant distress and can interfere with daily functioning, relationships, and overall quality of life.

It’s crucial to recognize that the thoughts and compulsions associated with OCD are not a reflection of your character or intelligence; they are symptoms of a mental health condition. Many people with OCD are aware that their fears are irrational, yet the anxiety can be overwhelming, making it challenging to resist the compulsions. This is a key aspect of the disorder and can lead to feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), particularly exposure and response prevention (ERP), is considered one of the most effective treatments for OCD. ERP involves gradually exposing yourself to the sources of your anxiety while refraining from performing the compulsive behaviors. This process can help you learn to tolerate the anxiety without resorting to compulsions, ultimately reducing the power these thoughts and behaviors have over you.

In addition to therapy, some individuals find that medication, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can help alleviate the symptoms of OCD. It’s important to consult with a mental health professional who can assess your specific situation and recommend an appropriate treatment plan tailored to your needs.

Here are some strategies that may help you manage your OCD symptoms:
1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can reduce overall anxiety levels.

2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions and help you process your experiences. It can also serve as a tool to track your triggers and progress.

3. Gradual Exposure: Start with small, manageable exposures to the situations that trigger your OCD. Gradually increase the difficulty as you become more comfortable.

4. Support Groups: Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can provide validation and encouragement. Support groups can be a valuable resource for sharing experiences and coping strategies.

5. Education: Learning more about OCD can empower you and reduce feelings of isolation. Understanding that OCD is a recognized mental health condition can help you feel less alone in your struggles.

6. Professional Help: Don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with the tools and support needed to manage your OCD effectively.

In conclusion, while your journey with OCD may feel overwhelming at times, it is important to remember that recovery is possible. With the right treatment and support, many individuals with OCD can lead fulfilling lives. It’s essential to be patient with yourself and to seek help when needed. You deserve to find relief from the distressing thoughts and compulsions that have been affecting your life.

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