Your Father's Unusual Behavior: Signs of Depression?

Doctor, I have been feeling that my father's mental state is quite strange?

My father is over 65 years old.
He used to run a pharmacy at home and has been retired for 4 to 5 years.
I want to ask about his condition: he becomes easily agitated, especially after taking a shower, when he starts to rant incessantly and even curses at people.
He refuses to communicate and exhibits a very patriarchal attitude.
My mother feels very wronged as she is often the target of his harsh words, which are always the same few phrases.
His outbursts occur mainly after showering, and I believe his accusations are unfounded; every word he says is hurtful.
I once defended my mother against him, and he called me an ungrateful child, saying things like "Who raised you?" This behavior has been worsening over the years, and recently he has made comments about other men being involved with my mother, which I know is not true.
My mother feels very wronged, as she is constantly subjected to his rants.
My father also dislikes talking to others and tries to control my mother, preventing her from going out, even when she is just volunteering.
I really don't know what to do.
Q: Does my father have depression or some other condition? Why does his attitude change so drastically before and after showering? If it is a mental health issue, how can I encourage him to seek treatment? My mother and I live together, and we constantly have to watch his mood, which makes our lives very difficult.
He believes that others are out to get him, and he often speaks in the past tense.
I sincerely ask for your advice, thank you, doctor.

Xing, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/11/20

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Is your father's condition related to a mental illness or other issues that require further evaluation? This includes how long the symptoms have been present and whether they are indicative of age-related degeneration.
Has there been long-term alcohol use (which can lead to symptoms of jealousy, among others)? If your father is unwilling to seek medical attention, I suggest you consult a nearby mental health facility for advice on how to proceed with his treatment.
Thank you.

Reply Date: 2021/11/20

More Info

Based on your description, it appears that your father may be exhibiting signs of depression or possibly another mental health issue. His behavior, particularly the sudden changes in mood and the tendency to lash out verbally after bathing, suggests that he may be struggling with emotional regulation. This can be a common symptom of depression, especially in older adults, who may also experience anxiety and irritability.

Depression in older adults can manifest in various ways, including persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, and increased irritability. Your father's behavior of verbally attacking your mother and expressing unfounded accusations may indicate that he is feeling insecure or threatened, which can be exacerbated by underlying depression or anxiety. The fact that he feels the need to control your mother's movements and accuse her of infidelity could be a reflection of his own feelings of inadequacy or fear of abandonment.

It's important to approach this situation with sensitivity. Here are some steps you can consider to help your father and improve the family dynamic:
1. Open Communication: Try to have an open and honest conversation with your father when he is calm. Express your concerns without being confrontational. Use "I" statements to communicate how his behavior affects you and your mother. For example, "I feel worried when I see you upset and taking it out on Mom."
2. Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he speak with a healthcare professional about his feelings and behaviors. You might say something like, "I think it could be helpful to talk to someone who can provide support. It might help you feel better." Emphasize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

3. Involve Your Mother: Since your mother is also affected by his behavior, it may be beneficial for her to express her feelings as well. Encourage her to share her perspective in a calm manner, focusing on how his words impact her emotionally.

4. Monitor Changes: Keep an eye on any changes in his behavior. If he becomes more withdrawn, shows signs of severe depression, or exhibits any self-harm tendencies, it may be necessary to seek immediate help from a mental health professional.

5. Educate Yourself and Your Family: Understanding depression and its symptoms can help you and your family respond more effectively. There are many resources available, including books, websites, and support groups for families dealing with mental health issues.

6. Create a Supportive Environment: Encourage activities that promote well-being, such as regular exercise, healthy eating, and social interaction. Sometimes, engaging in community activities or hobbies can help lift a person's mood.

7. Be Patient: Change may not happen overnight. It can take time for your father to acknowledge his feelings and seek help. Be patient and continue to offer your support.

In summary, your father's behavior could be indicative of depression or another mental health issue. It is crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, encouraging him to seek professional help while also supporting your mother. The family dynamic can be challenging, but with open communication and a supportive environment, there is hope for improvement.

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