Unconscious Aggression: A Teen's Struggle with Anger - Psychiatry

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When angry, one may unconsciously smash objects or hit others?


I tend to lose control of my emotions and exhibit unconscious violent tendencies when I am angered by a single person (such as throwing objects at their face or hitting them forcefully).
I am a high school girl, and I noticed this behavior since the beginning of puberty.
I always thought it was just rebelliousness and anger, and I hadn't experienced it for a while, but recently I hit someone again.
I realized that these actions occur unconsciously, and I find myself frightening.
I want to address this issue, so I am posting here.
Thank you.

Xiao Wu, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/12/05

Dr. Dai Wanxiang reply Psychiatry


Hello, Xiao Wu: Violent behavior when angry can have many possible causes.
Insufficient coping skills for stress, certain personality traits (such as impulsivity), or mental disorders may all contribute.
If it is an occasional issue related to emotional management and inadequate stress coping skills, it can be improved through emotional management techniques, relaxation training, and other methods.
Learning to recognize one's own and others' emotions, how to manage emotions, cool down or redirect attention, express emotions appropriately, and relieve stress through mindfulness meditation, muscle relaxation training, or other recreational activities, as well as regular exercise, can be beneficial.
More detailed practical techniques can be found in books and online resources.
If emotional outbursts occur more frequently or if the above methods do not resolve the issue, it is advisable to seek professional psychological counseling or assistance from a psychosomatic specialist.
Thank you.

Reply Date: 2021/12/05

More Info


It sounds like you are experiencing a significant struggle with managing your emotions, particularly anger, which can be quite distressing. The feelings of losing control and the subsequent aggressive behaviors you described are important to address, as they can have serious implications for your relationships and overall well-being.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences. However, when it manifests in aggressive ways, especially unconsciously, it can indicate underlying issues that need to be explored. This could be related to stress, unresolved conflicts, or even hormonal changes that occur during adolescence. The teenage years are a time of significant emotional and physical development, and many individuals find themselves grappling with intense feelings that can sometimes feel overwhelming.

Your description of feeling "unconscious" during these aggressive outbursts suggests that there may be a disconnect between your emotional responses and your conscious awareness. This can happen when emotions build up over time without being adequately expressed or processed. You mentioned that you thought you were just being rebellious or angry, but it’s essential to recognize that these feelings can stem from deeper issues, such as anxiety, frustration, or feelings of powerlessness in certain situations.

One potential approach to managing these feelings is to develop healthier coping strategies. Here are some suggestions that may help:
1. Self-Awareness: Start by keeping a journal to track your emotions and triggers. Note what situations lead to feelings of anger and how you respond. This can help you identify patterns and become more aware of your emotional state before it escalates.

2. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help you calm your mind and body. When you feel anger rising, taking a moment to breathe deeply can help you regain control before reacting.

3. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical exercise can be an excellent outlet for pent-up energy and frustration. Activities like running, dancing, or martial arts can help you channel your emotions in a constructive way.

4. Communication Skills: Learning to express your feelings verbally rather than physically can be incredibly beneficial. Practice using "I" statements to communicate how you feel without placing blame on others. For example, saying "I feel frustrated when..." can help convey your emotions without escalating the situation.

5. Seek Professional Help: Given that you are experiencing these feelings frequently and they are causing you distress, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. A therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your anger and develop effective coping strategies tailored to your needs.

6. Support System: Talk to trusted friends or family members about what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with someone who understands can provide relief and support.

7. Avoid Substance Use: Be mindful of using substances like alcohol or drugs to cope with your emotions, as these can exacerbate feelings of anger and lead to impulsive behaviors.

It’s commendable that you are seeking to understand and address these feelings. Recognizing that you want to change is the first step toward finding healthier ways to cope with anger. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and doing so can lead to significant improvements in your emotional health and relationships. You are not alone in this struggle, and with the right support and strategies, you can learn to manage your emotions more effectively.

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