Should I Distance Myself from My Family for Mental Health?

Q: Should I Distance Myself from My Family for Mental Health?

Hello, netizen： It is indeed worth considering to meet occasionally; an overly close relationship can create significant stress. <br>A little separation can be more refreshing than a new marriage. <br>Dr. <br>Wu En-Liang

Should I stay away from my family?

I'm not sure how to describe this mental illness.
I've read a lot of similar labels, but it seems like I'm the only one who thinks uncontrollably.
Since elementary school, due to my family's difficult situation, I have a pair of brothers with autism and learning disabilities.
My parents often told me to be a good role model and that I would have to take care of my brothers in the future (but now they seem to have forgotten what they said).
Back in second or third grade, I had to do their homework along with mine, and whenever I encountered frustrating situations or trivial matters, I would scratch my hands until they were red.
It wasn't until my third-grade teacher couldn't stand my mental state that she informed my parents I didn't have to do my brothers' homework anymore.
My parents also tried to forcefully change my self-harming behavior of scratching my hands through scolding, but now I've switched to scratching my face or hair where it can be hidden.
In elementary school, I faced bullying and often immersed myself in books, unwilling to participate in outdoor activities.
Since my parents focused all their attention on my brothers during elementary school, my ability to hang out with friends was also restricted.
The same bullying continued into junior high, and I became accustomed to the derogatory nicknames and lack of respect.
However, when they would argue, I started having thoughts of wanting to hurt them, to make them quiet.
I know and understand that this is wrong, so I began to immerse myself even more in my fantasy world.
During that time, I could stay alert in class without feeling sleepy.
But everything changed when I entered high school.
Within less than a year, I started experiencing extreme sleepiness in class.
At home, I appeared normal, but I began to have thoughts of wanting to harm my family.
The gap between my rational thoughts and these crazy ideas grew larger.
I even started dreaming about chasing and harming people, regardless of gender, using brutal methods.
I began to feel disoriented even when awake.
My brother developed serious health issues, and my mother cried deeply, but I felt nothing.
I even thought, "If they die, then let them all die." Then my rational mind would tell me that this isn't something I should be thinking about.
I shouldn't think about anything; after all, everyone ultimately faces death—it's just a matter of whether it will be a good or terrible death.
I can still act normally in front of my family because I have a rational mind that tells me what is morally acceptable in this situation.
However, the thought of wanting my whole family to leave this world still lingers somewhere in my mind.
I have a deep impression of almost harming my sleeping family, and it troubles me greatly.
I'm afraid my parents will discover that I'm not mentally well and will be saddened by it.
I plan to move out after entering society to distance myself from them and face these troubling issues alone.
However, my parents really want me to stay at home, which makes me very distressed.
Is distancing myself from them the right thing to do?

QZ, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/01/24

Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry

Hello, netizen: It is indeed worth considering to meet occasionally; an overly close relationship can create significant stress.
A little separation can be more refreshing than a new marriage.
Dr.
Wu En-Liang

Reply Date: 2022/01/24

More Info

Deciding whether to distance oneself from family for mental health reasons is a deeply personal and complex issue. It appears that you have been carrying a heavy emotional burden due to your family dynamics, particularly concerning your siblings and the expectations placed upon you. The feelings of resentment, frustration, and even thoughts of harm towards your family members indicate that you are experiencing significant distress.
First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Growing up in an environment where you felt overshadowed by the needs of a sibling with special needs can create a sense of neglect and resentment. The pressure to be a role model and caretaker at a young age can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, especially when your own needs are not being met. The fact that you have resorted to self-harm as a coping mechanism is a serious concern and indicates that you may benefit from professional help.

In terms of your mental health, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being. If you find that being around your family exacerbates your feelings of anger, resentment, or even thoughts of harm, it may be beneficial to create some distance. This does not necessarily mean cutting off all ties, but rather finding a balance that allows you to take care of yourself while still maintaining some level of connection with your family.
Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide you with the tools to navigate these complex emotions. A mental health professional can help you process your feelings, develop healthier coping strategies, and work through the trauma of your childhood experiences. They can also assist you in establishing boundaries with your family, which is essential for your emotional health.

It’s also important to communicate your feelings to your family, if you feel safe doing so. Expressing your needs and concerns can sometimes lead to a better understanding and support from them. However, if you believe that this could lead to further conflict or emotional distress, it may be wise to focus on your own healing first before addressing these issues with them.

As you consider moving out and gaining independence, think about what that means for your mental health. Living on your own can provide you with the space to reflect, heal, and grow without the immediate pressures of family dynamics. It can also allow you to establish your own identity separate from the expectations placed upon you. However, ensure that you have a support system in place, whether that’s friends, a therapist, or community resources, to help you navigate this transition.

In conclusion, while distancing yourself from your family may be a necessary step for your mental health, it’s essential to approach this decision thoughtfully. Prioritize seeking professional help to address your feelings and develop coping strategies. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being, and taking steps towards independence can be a positive move towards healing. You deserve to live a life free from the burdens of past trauma and to find peace within yourself.

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