Please help me?
Hello Dr.
Lin: I seem to have a cross-dressing fetish! Three years ago, due to dissatisfaction at work and the influence of watching adult channels on television, I started occasionally wearing women's lingerie as a way to relieve my sexual urges.
Watching women on screen experience pleasure influenced me to want to try it myself, leading to this psychological effect.
Sometimes I engage in this behavior because I struggle to attract women.
There are times when I feel that women receive more affection or attention, and even when good male friends treat me well, I find myself wanting to become female, often driven by my own sexual desires.
When I revert to my male mindset, I feel normal and genuinely like pursuing women! I have not interacted much with female classmates in the past, and now I think that my method of healing should be to get a girlfriend.
However, I find dating to be quite troublesome; I would need to take her out on weekends and spend money, and sometimes having another person around feels restrictive.
I also fear that pursuing someone I like might lead to complications if they are not interested! As a man, I genuinely like women, but others perceive me as lecherous! Dr.
Lin, what should I do? Additionally, I have another request: please send the consultation form to my email, as I do not want others to know about my situation.
Thank you!
Awen, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2003/07/25
Dr. Lin Yanhong reply Psychiatry
As requested, I will reply directly to the inquirer via email.
Reply Date: 2003/07/25
More Info
Understanding and addressing unwanted behaviors related to cross-dressing can be a complex and sensitive issue. It’s important to approach this topic with empathy and an understanding of the psychological factors involved. Cross-dressing, in itself, is not inherently problematic; it can be a form of self-expression or exploration of gender identity. However, when it leads to feelings of distress or interferes with daily functioning, it may warrant further exploration and support.
From your description, it seems that your cross-dressing behavior is linked to various emotional triggers, including feelings of inadequacy in romantic pursuits and a desire for validation. This is not uncommon; many individuals may engage in behaviors that provide temporary relief or satisfaction in response to underlying emotional needs. The key here is to understand the motivations behind these behaviors and to explore healthier coping mechanisms.
1. Understanding Triggers: It’s essential to identify what specifically triggers your desire to cross-dress. Is it primarily linked to sexual arousal, feelings of inadequacy, or a desire for acceptance? Keeping a journal to document your feelings and behaviors can help you gain insight into patterns and triggers.
2. Exploring Gender Identity: Reflect on your feelings about gender and identity. Cross-dressing can sometimes be a way to explore aspects of one’s identity that may not align with societal norms. Consider whether this behavior is a form of self-exploration or if it is primarily driven by external pressures and expectations.
3. Coping Strategies: Instead of relying on cross-dressing as a coping mechanism, consider developing healthier strategies for managing your emotions and desires. This could include engaging in hobbies, seeking social connections, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.
4. Seeking Professional Help: Consulting with a mental health professional who specializes in gender identity issues or sexual health can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and behaviors. Therapy can help you understand the underlying issues contributing to your cross-dressing and develop strategies to address them.
5. Building Relationships: While you mentioned that pursuing a romantic relationship feels burdensome, consider that building connections with others can be a fulfilling way to address feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Start small by engaging in social activities or groups that interest you, which can help you meet new people in a low-pressure environment.
6. Communication and Support: If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Having a support system can alleviate feelings of isolation and provide you with different perspectives on your experiences.
7. Self-Acceptance: It’s crucial to work towards self-acceptance. Understand that exploring different aspects of your identity does not diminish your masculinity or your ability to pursue relationships with women. Embrace who you are, and recognize that everyone has unique experiences and challenges.
8. Avoiding Shame: Many individuals experience shame or guilt associated with their behaviors. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common but can be addressed through understanding and self-compassion. Therapy can be particularly beneficial in addressing feelings of shame and developing a healthier self-image.
In conclusion, while your cross-dressing behavior may be linked to various emotional triggers, it’s essential to approach this issue with curiosity rather than judgment. Understanding the motivations behind your behavior, exploring your identity, and seeking professional support can help you navigate these feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and doing so can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of yourself.
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