Is My Relationship Anxiety a Sign of Mental Health Issues?

Is this not quite normal?

I have had two boyfriends and, due to various factors such as pressure from family and friends and a desire to experience the emotions that come with love, I agreed to enter into relationships.
However, after starting to date, I often feel disgusted or even nauseous by their closeness, and I tend to interpret their motives in the most negative way possible.
I believe that dating is akin to a transaction, which makes me feel quite repulsed.
Sometimes, I may feel fondness for them due to their thoughtful gestures, but as soon as they do something that doesn't meet my expectations, all that fondness quickly turns into negative feelings, even aversion.
My feelings fluctuate dramatically.
My family often says that I just haven't experienced the beauty of love yet, but I feel really exhausted.
I think I would be better off alone; even if I have feelings for someone, I don't feel the desire to be together, let alone enter into a relationship.
I would like to ask the doctor if this situation indicates that I might have a psychological issue or if I am lacking something.

Hua Hua, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/08/24

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Although issues related to gender are not my specialty, it seems that this situation is not unusual and does not necessarily indicate that you have a mental illness, as you may be concerned.
However, this situation can indeed cause you mental and emotional distress.
I recommend that you consider calling the Ministry of Health and Welfare's helpline (1925) for telephone counseling, which may be beneficial.

Reply Date: 2022/08/24

More Info

Your experiences and feelings regarding relationships suggest that you may be grappling with significant emotional and psychological challenges. The intense anxiety and discomfort you feel in romantic situations, coupled with the rapid shifts between affection and aversion, can indeed be indicative of underlying mental health issues.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that relationship anxiety is not uncommon, especially among individuals who have experienced emotional turmoil or trauma in their past. The feelings of nausea and disgust when someone gets close to you may stem from a fear of intimacy or vulnerability. This fear can be exacerbated by external pressures, such as societal expectations or the influence of friends and family, which may lead you to enter relationships that you are not genuinely ready for or interested in.

Your tendency to interpret your partner's actions in the worst possible light suggests a cognitive distortion known as "catastrophizing." This is a common symptom in anxiety disorders, where one anticipates the worst outcomes in situations, leading to a cycle of negative thinking that can be difficult to break. This pattern can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your negative expectations lead to behaviors that ultimately confirm those fears, further entrenching your anxiety.

Moreover, the notion that relationships feel like "a transaction" may indicate a deeper issue with trust and emotional connection. If you perceive interactions as exchanges rather than genuine connections, it may reflect past experiences where you felt used or betrayed. This perspective can hinder your ability to form healthy, reciprocal relationships, leaving you feeling isolated and disillusioned.

Your family's comments about not having experienced the "beauty of love" may also contribute to your feelings of inadequacy or confusion. It’s crucial to understand that everyone’s journey in love and relationships is unique. The pressure to conform to a certain timeline or experience can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.

Given your description of feeling more comfortable alone and your reluctance to pursue relationships, it might be beneficial to explore these feelings further with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to unpack your experiences, understand the roots of your anxiety, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety disorders, as it helps individuals challenge and reframe negative thought patterns.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can be beneficial. Mindfulness techniques can help you stay present and reduce anxiety about potential future outcomes, while self-compassion can foster a kinder relationship with yourself, allowing you to accept your feelings without judgment.

In conclusion, your relationship anxiety may indeed be a sign of underlying mental health issues, such as anxiety or possibly even aspects of avoidant personality traits. It’s essential to seek professional help to navigate these feelings and develop a healthier relationship with yourself and others. Remember, it’s okay to take your time in understanding your emotions and finding what truly makes you happy, whether that involves being in a relationship or enjoying your own company.

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