Childhood Anxiety: When to Seek Help for Your Child

Q: Childhood Anxiety: When to Seek Help for Your Child

Hello： The child has a sensitive disposition and is prone to anxiety and fear. <br>Patient guidance is indeed very important; it is essential to assist the child in gradually overcoming these challenges through encouragement and companionship. <br>Some children may require a long

Dependence or phobia?

I am a mother, and my child is currently 8 years old.
He is very afraid to do anything alone.
From ages 0 to 6, we didn't realize he "needed companionship" so much, possibly because we were always with him at home during his preschool years.
Since starting elementary school, I can't always accompany him to the restroom, but I've noticed he can't stay in the restroom by himself.
He needs someone with him to take a shower, use the restroom, or get something; he requires someone by his side for everything.
We have tried guiding him, talking to him, getting angry, and even forcing him, but he says he is very scared.

This morning, I asked him to check his backpack again for any items he might have forgotten.
He touched the zipper of the backpack but didn't open it.
He stood there for a moment, walked to the door of his room, looked into the dark room, then returned to the living room and told me he had everything.
I asked him to open the backpack and check, and he repeated his previous behavior, telling me again that he had checked and had everything.
This isn't the first time he has been too scared to check on his own, resulting in him forgetting things.
When I asked him to check a third time, he still refused and insisted he had already checked, which made me really angry.
I went into the room and turned on the light, and he closely followed me, saying, "I was going to check anyway." The books and assignments were on the table, but I know that if I hadn't gone into the room, he wouldn't have been willing to enter.
This is just one small incident.
When he was younger, he seemed to see ghosts, although I couldn't see them.
We talked about it, and I took him to have rituals to calm him down, such as inviting protective spirits, among other comforting practices.
Now that he is older, I don't know if he still sees them, but I worry that I have been making excuses for his fear, which has led to my constant need to accompany him.
This has resulted in him needing someone with him to sleep, get things, use the restroom, take a shower, do homework, etc.
Even when I need to take his younger brother to class, he would rather ask me to take him to the convenience store than stay home alone (his father will be home in an hour).

Doctor, I am really worried.
Does he need professional treatment, or do I need treatment? I also worry that my strictness regarding his behavior and my constant demands for him to "do it himself" might make him feel inferior or overly proud.
Many friends have told me to be patient, wait, accompany, and encourage him.
Now that he is 8 years old, should I continue to accompany him?

Niming, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/01/05

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: The child has a sensitive disposition and is prone to anxiety and fear.
Patient guidance is indeed very important; it is essential to assist the child in gradually overcoming these challenges through encouragement and companionship.
Some children may require a longer time to overcome their issues, and as parents, it is advisable to remind oneself to exercise immense patience in accompanying and helping the child.
I believe the child is not acting out intentionally; rather, at this stage, they are struggling to overcome anxiety and fear on their own.
Mothers should also avoid putting too much pressure on themselves; first, accept the current situation and take good care of themselves, so they can provide a positive role model and environment that will help the child improve gradually and subtly.

Reply Date: 2023/01/05

More Info

It sounds like you are facing a challenging situation with your 8-year-old child who exhibits significant anxiety and a strong need for companionship in various activities. This behavior, while not uncommon in young children, can become concerning when it interferes with daily functioning and independence. Here’s a comprehensive approach to understanding your child’s anxiety and determining when to seek professional help.

Understanding Childhood Anxiety
Anxiety in children can manifest in various ways, including excessive fear of being alone, reluctance to engage in activities without support, and physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches when faced with stressful situations. Your child's need for constant companionship, especially in situations like using the bathroom or checking his backpack, suggests a level of anxiety that may require attention.

1. Developmental Context: Children often experience anxiety during transitions, such as starting school. However, if these feelings persist and escalate, it may indicate a more significant issue. Children at this age should be developing a sense of independence, and your child's reluctance to engage in solitary activities could hinder this development.

2. Behavioral Patterns: The behaviors you describe—such as needing someone to accompany him to the bathroom or feeling unable to check his backpack—are signs of anxiety. It’s important to note that while some level of anxiety is normal, especially in new situations, your child's reactions appear to be more intense and pervasive.

3. Previous Experiences: You mentioned that he may have had experiences in early childhood that could contribute to his anxiety, such as fears of ghosts. While these fears may have been addressed, they can sometimes resurface or evolve into broader anxiety about being alone or facing new situations.

When to Seek Help
Given the persistence of your child's anxiety and its impact on his daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Here are some indicators that suggest it might be time to consult a mental health professional:
- Interference with Daily Life: If your child's anxiety is significantly affecting his ability to perform daily tasks, such as going to school, completing homework, or engaging in play, it’s a sign that intervention may be necessary.

- Physical Symptoms: If he exhibits physical symptoms of anxiety, such as stomachaches, headaches, or sleep disturbances, these can be indicators that his anxiety is more than just situational.

- Duration and Intensity: If the anxiety has been ongoing for several months and is becoming more intense, it’s advisable to seek help. Children often benefit from early intervention, which can prevent more severe anxiety issues in the future.

- Family Dynamics: Your concern about how your reactions might affect your child is valid. It’s essential to create a supportive environment while also encouraging independence. A mental health professional can provide strategies for both you and your child.

Steps You Can Take
1. Open Communication: Encourage your child to express his feelings. Let him know that it’s okay to feel scared or anxious and that you are there to support him. Use age-appropriate language to discuss his fears and validate his feelings.

2. Gradual Exposure: Help him gradually face his fears in a controlled manner. For instance, if he is afraid to be alone in a room, start by having him spend a few minutes alone while you are nearby, gradually increasing the time as he becomes more comfortable.

3. Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate small victories when he manages to do something independently, even if it’s just for a short time. This can help build his confidence.

4. Professional Support: Consider seeking a child psychologist or counselor who specializes in childhood anxiety. They can provide tailored strategies and coping mechanisms for your child and help you navigate this challenging period.

5. Parenting Support: It may also be beneficial for you to seek support. Parenting a child with anxiety can be stressful, and finding a support group or a therapist for yourself can provide you with coping strategies and reassurance.

Conclusion
Your child’s anxiety is a valid concern, and seeking professional help can provide the necessary support for both him and you. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and many families face similar challenges. With the right strategies and support, it is possible to help your child develop the skills he needs to manage his anxiety and foster independence.

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