Your Child's Emotional Challenges: When to Seek Help

Q: Your Child's Emotional Challenges: When to Seek Help

Hello： Children have a strong capacity for plasticity, and once the root of a child's issues is understood and appropriate changes are made, their emotions typically stabilize gradually. <br>In the past, correcting and disciplining children, as long as it is not too severe, allow

Apathy, negative emotional language?

Hello, doctor.
My son started kindergarten in August this year (he is 4 years and 10 months old).
He has a temperamental personality and often cries when he doesn't get his way, showing signs of frustration.
For example, if he can't assemble a toy, he will cry or throw the toy on the ground.
When he encounters neighbors or classmates who greet him, he does not respond and remains indifferent; I often have to remind him to quietly say goodbye or hello.
I previously emphasized to him at the age of 3 that strangers could be dangerous and that he should not take things from strangers, and if a stranger approaches, he should run away or call for help.
Could this have affected his current interpersonal interactions? He does not show this indifference towards family members, such as his grandparents or younger brother, and he can interact with his brother, helping him unbutton his clothes (his brother is 2 years old) and teaching him about cars.

In the past six months, his emotional expressions have become more negative, such as calling me "stinky mom" and saying things like "I'm so mad, if you don't let me play with the toy, I'll stab you with this sharp comb." After I sternly corrected him, some of this behavior has improved.
Currently, I am more concerned that he cannot respond promptly when anyone talks to him or asks him questions; I often have to repeat the question 3 or 4 times before he understands and answers.
I am unsure if he is thinking about something or focusing on a task, which makes it difficult for him to pay attention.
Sometimes, when we have a series of questions and answers, he responds more fluidly and does not seem slow, so I cannot tell if he is intentionally not answering or if he simply did not hear me.

In the past, my husband and I used corporal punishment for 2 or 3 days, such as making him stand in a corner or spanking him, which backfired.
During that time, his teacher reported that he was inattentive in class, so we quickly adjusted and stopped using corporal punishment.

Do you think my son needs to see a psychologist or counselor? How should we discipline and guide him to avoid causing psychological trauma?

Ni Ni, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/07/21

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello: Children have a strong capacity for plasticity, and once the root of a child's issues is understood and appropriate changes are made, their emotions typically stabilize gradually.
In the past, correcting and disciplining children, as long as it is not too severe, allows them to understand that they are being punished for inappropriate behavior, and usually, there are no lasting effects.
Teaching children proper behavior is inherently a parent's responsibility.
When children experience frustration, the first consideration should be their developmental abilities—are the expectations we set for them exceeding their developmental capabilities, and is the frustration stemming from their inability to meet those expectations? It is recommended to schedule an appointment at a Child Development Assessment Center for a comprehensive developmental evaluation, which can assess the child's cognitive, language, motor, and socio-emotional development.
After obtaining detailed assessment results, the physician and therapists will discuss effective strategies with you.
Additionally, it is suggested to cultivate enjoyable parent-child interaction time, such as playing games together or reading together.
If there is at least ten minutes of such time each day, children typically feel more confident, and their emotions tend to stabilize more easily.
Best wishes to you.

Reply Date: 2016/07/21

More Info

It sounds like you are facing a challenging situation with your son, and it's commendable that you are seeking guidance on how to support him. Understanding a child's emotional challenges can be complex, especially at such a young age. Here are some insights and recommendations based on your description.

Emotional Challenges and Behavioral Responses
Your son's reactions, such as crying when frustrated or being unresponsive to greetings, can be indicative of several underlying issues. Children at this age are still developing their emotional regulation skills, and it is not uncommon for them to express frustration through crying or anger. The fact that he interacts positively with family members, like helping his younger brother, suggests that he is capable of forming connections but may struggle with social interactions outside the family unit.

Impact of Early Warnings
You mentioned that you previously taught him to be cautious around strangers, which is a necessary lesson for safety. However, if this message was delivered in a way that instilled fear rather than caution, it could contribute to his current behavior of being withdrawn or unresponsive to others. Children can internalize such warnings and may become overly cautious or anxious in social situations, leading to the coldness you observe with peers.

Communication and Response Time
The delay in his responses to questions could stem from several factors, including processing time, distraction, or even shyness. Some children take longer to respond because they are still thinking about the question or are focused on another activity. It’s essential to observe whether he seems engaged or distracted when you ask him questions. If he appears to be listening but takes time to respond, it may just be his way of processing information.

Discipline and Guidance
You mentioned using physical punishment in the past, which can have adverse effects on a child's emotional well-being and behavior. Research consistently shows that physical punishment can lead to increased aggression, anxiety, and behavioral problems in children. Instead, consider using positive reinforcement strategies. Praise and reward him for appropriate behaviors, and provide clear, consistent boundaries without resorting to punitive measures.

When to Seek Professional Help
Given your concerns about his emotional responses and social interactions, it may be beneficial to consult with a child psychologist or counselor. A professional can assess whether there are underlying issues such as anxiety, behavioral disorders, or developmental delays. Early intervention can be crucial in helping children develop healthy coping mechanisms and social skills.

Strategies for Support
1. Model Emotional Regulation: Demonstrate how to express feelings appropriately. Use phrases like "I feel frustrated when..." to teach him how to articulate his emotions.

2. Encourage Social Interaction: Arrange playdates with familiar peers to help him practice social skills in a comfortable environment.

3. Use Play Therapy: Engage him in play-based activities that encourage expression and communication. This can help him feel more comfortable sharing his feelings.

4. Be Patient and Observant: Allow him time to respond to questions without pressure. If he seems distracted, gently redirect his attention.

5. Create a Safe Space for Communication: Encourage him to express his feelings without fear of punishment. Validate his emotions by acknowledging them.

6. Seek Professional Guidance: If his behavior does not improve or worsens, consider seeking help from a child psychologist who can provide tailored strategies and support.

Conclusion
Navigating your child's emotional landscape requires patience and understanding. By employing positive reinforcement, fostering open communication, and seeking professional guidance when necessary, you can help your son develop healthier emotional responses and social skills. Remember, early intervention can make a significant difference in a child's development, so don't hesitate to reach out for help if you feel it is needed.

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