Anxiety and OCD: A Student's Mental Health Journey - Psychiatry

Psychological distress

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I live in Taichung City and am currently studying Environmental Engineering and Science at Feng Chia University, having just entered my freshman year.
I have a younger brother and a younger sister.
I am experiencing some psychological distress; I feel very anxious when I see others studying seriously, whether in class or in the school library.
In such environments, I become very uneasy, often hiccuping and my hands trembling slightly, making it difficult for me to concentrate.
However, I feel less pressure when I see my sister studying compared to when I see my brother studying.
My brother is only a year younger than me, while my sister is five years younger.
I find that I am less afraid of those I can relate to when they are studying seriously.
Physically, I have prostatitis and urticaria (food allergies), and I have already sought treatment for prostatitis at a clinic.
I force myself to keep my shoes neatly arranged in the shoe cabinet, and the books on my desk must also be organized.
Before going to bed, I check the faucet several times to ensure it is turned off, only going to sleep after confirming it is indeed off.
When I asked my classmates if they experience similar issues, they all said no.
One classmate mentioned that he feels calm whether in class or at the library, which I envy because he can comfortably do what he wants in those settings.
In August 2003, I visited a psychiatrist at China Medical University and described my situation to the doctor.
The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, recommending medication for treatment.
However, after taking the medication, I felt extremely sleepy the next morning.
Since my family runs a noodle business, I have to wake up around 6 AM every day to help out, and feeling sleepy makes me lethargic.
My mother notices my lack of energy and scolds me, saying that since I usually seem cheerful, it’s hard for her to believe I have a mental health issue.
My parents think that if I have a mental health problem, it must be because I am struggling with my studies, and they suggest that if I stop studying and help them with the business or find a job, I might not feel so anxious about studying.
However, I disagree; I believe I should study and do well.
When I see others taking notes seriously, I feel anxious and mentally scold them for being so diligent.
Conversely, when I see others not taking their studies seriously, I also mentally scold them for not appreciating the financial support their parents provide for their education.
I feel that my parents' values differ significantly from mine because they work hard every day to earn a living, especially since business is tough right now, with many expenses to cover (water, electricity, tuition for three children, health insurance, taxes, etc.).
So, when I express my psychological distress to my parents, they tell me to resolve my own issues and not to spend money on doctors.
I read in the newspaper about someone who took two years to recover from a mental health condition, and after treatment, she felt as if she had been reborn.
I feel that I also need a long time to recover, which means seeing several doctors.
My parents became very upset after hearing this because it would cost a lot of money, and they genuinely believe I do not have any mental health issues.
In fact, I have been anxious about seeing others study seriously since my first year of high school, and by my senior year, it became increasingly severe.
Now that I am in college, I feel it has worsened.
My parents see me struggling with my studies since high school but do not understand that it is due to the reasons mentioned above.
They think it might be better for me to stop studying and help with the noodle business, as they built this family through their work, providing us with food, clothing, and shelter.
Recently, I have watched many programs on the Tzu Chi Da Ai channel and listened to some teachings by Master Cheng Yen.
I see the spirit of Tzu Chi, which focuses on giving and saving others, and I wonder why I am still so troubled.
In October 2003, my mother’s friend referred us to the psychiatric department at Changhua Christian Hospital.
It was my mother’s first time driving to Changhua, so she had a hard time finding the way.
Upon arriving at the hospital for my initial consultation, the head psychiatrist was unavailable, so I consulted another doctor.
After explaining my situation, the doctor also suggested I might have anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, prescribing medication for both.
The doctor assured me that there were no side effects.
However, after about a week of taking the medication, I felt no improvement and found myself a bit sleepy in class, so I stopped taking it.
The medical expenses at both China Medical University and Changhua Christian Hospital are relatively high, so our school’s counseling teacher referred me to Taichung Hospital, where the costs are more affordable.
After visiting the Taichung Hospital website, I found this page to ask my questions.
I have many concerns, and I would appreciate it if you could take some time to help me with them.
Thank you.

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Hsu, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2003/11/09