Why Do I Struggle to Maintain Erection During Sex with My Girlfriend?

Q: Why Do I Struggle to Maintain Erection During Sex with My Girlfriend?

Hello Jacky： The four self-improvement methods you mentioned are all reasonable and practical! Even if you cannot improve your sexual function, at least it will enhance your overall health. <br>DIY intimacy with your girlfriend is a different matter because you know how to contro

Usually, the erection is normal during masturbation, but when it comes to sexual intercourse, it keeps going soft and cannot be inserted?

Hello Dr.
Sun, I recently started dating a girlfriend, and after spending some time together, we naturally prepared to begin sexual intercourse.
During mutual foreplay and oral sex, I was able to maintain an erection that was sufficient for penetration, but when it came time to put on a condom and prepare for insertion, I found that I was becoming increasingly soft.
My girlfriend has a relatively narrow vagina, so ultimately, we were unable to achieve penetration.
This situation has occurred four times so far.

I understand that psychological pressure can affect performance, but as someone who has never encountered this situation before, I still felt nervous, which made it even harder to focus and enjoy the process, leading to difficulties in maintaining an erection.
Although my girlfriend has been very supportive and has tried various ways to help me regain my firmness, I still find it challenging to maintain an erection long enough for successful penetration.
I mainly want to ask about this issue: since my girlfriend and I live in different cities (Taipei and Taichung) and can only meet when both of us are on vacation, I usually rely on masturbation to satisfy my needs.
When I masturbate, I have no issues achieving an erection; as long as I am aroused, I do not lose my firmness without manual stimulation.
However, when I am with my girlfriend, I find it difficult to maintain my erection.

To provide some context, I have had two previous girlfriends, and during those long-term relationships, we had a high frequency of sexual activity without any issues.
After breaking up with my last girlfriend, I was single for about eight years and did not engage in casual sex or any sexual activities with others during that time; I only masturbated (using my hand or a masturbation sleeve).
Could it be that I have become accustomed to masturbation, which is affecting my sensitivity when it comes to actual sexual intercourse? If this is a possibility, how can I address it?
Currently, I am trying to reduce my masturbation frequency to see if I can restore my sensitivity to normal levels.
I am also increasing my daily exercise routine (I already jog, but I have started doing some basic strength training at home every day) and reducing my intake of sugary drinks (I usually only drink unsweetened tea, but I am unsure how much this affects my situation).
I also do Kegel exercises during my free time at work and in the mornings and evenings, but I am uncertain if this will be beneficial.

If the above methods do not yield results, how long should I wait before seeking medical advice? What are the typical treatment options if I do decide to see a doctor for this issue? I apologize for the lengthy message and for having so many questions, but I would greatly appreciate your help in addressing these concerns.
Thank you very much!

JACKY LIAO, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/07/15

Dr. Sun Hongshun reply Urology

Hello Jacky: The four self-improvement methods you mentioned are all reasonable and practical! Even if you cannot improve your sexual function, at least it will enhance your overall health.
DIY intimacy with your girlfriend is a different matter because you know how to control your feelings and what feels comfortable for you, but when it comes to real-life situations, there are too many variables.
Her expressions, movements, or even a soft sigh could make you feel anxious.
It's like you might perform well in practice exams, but falter during the actual entrance exam.
Sexual activity involves both partners, and psychological pressure can decrease the likelihood of success, so it's important to minimize that pressure as much as possible.
As for when you should seek medical attention, I believe it would be appropriate to do so now! I will arrange further examinations and treatments based on what you have described, and I wish you success in your endeavors soon!

Reply Date: 2023/07/15

More Info

Struggling to maintain an erection during sexual activity is a common issue that many men experience at some point in their lives. It can be particularly frustrating when it occurs with a new partner, as it can lead to feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Based on your description, there are several factors that could be contributing to your difficulty in maintaining an erection during sex with your girlfriend.

1. Psychological Factors: Anxiety and stress are significant contributors to erectile dysfunction (ED). The pressure to perform, especially with a new partner, can create a cycle of anxiety that makes it even harder to maintain an erection. You mentioned feeling nervous and unable to focus on the experience, which is a common reaction. This anxiety can stem from the fear of not being able to perform, which can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s important to communicate openly with your girlfriend about your feelings; her support can help alleviate some of that pressure.

2. Physical Factors: While you have no issues with erections during masturbation, the transition to partnered sex can sometimes be challenging. The physical sensations and the emotional connection with a partner can be different from solo activities. Additionally, the use of condoms can sometimes reduce sensitivity, making it harder to maintain an erection. If your girlfriend's anatomy is different from what you are used to, that could also play a role in your experience.

3. Habituation to Solo Activities: After a long period of being single and relying on masturbation for sexual release, it’s possible that your body has become accustomed to that form of stimulation. This can lead to a decreased sensitivity when trying to engage in penetrative sex. Reducing the frequency of masturbation, as you mentioned, may help to increase your sensitivity over time.

4. Lifestyle Factors: Your efforts to improve your overall health through exercise and reducing sugary drinks are commendable. Regular exercise can improve blood flow and overall sexual health, which may help with erectile function. Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, can also be beneficial for sexual performance.

5. Timing for Seeking Help: If your difficulties persist despite trying the strategies you mentioned, it may be wise to consult a healthcare professional. Generally, if you experience this issue consistently over a period of several weeks or months, it would be a good idea to seek medical advice. A healthcare provider can help determine if there are underlying physical or psychological issues that need to be addressed.

6. Treatment Options: When you consult a healthcare professional, they may conduct a thorough evaluation, including a physical examination and possibly some tests to rule out any medical conditions. Treatment options can vary based on the underlying cause but may include counseling or therapy for anxiety, lifestyle changes, or medications that help with erectile function.

In conclusion, it’s important to remember that you are not alone in this experience, and many men face similar challenges. Open communication with your partner, addressing any psychological factors, and making healthy lifestyle choices can all contribute to improving your sexual health. If the issue persists, don’t hesitate to seek professional help, as there are effective treatments available.

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