Struggling with Fetishism: Seeking Help for Lingerie Obsession - Psychiatry

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I often find it hard to resist the urge to buy and wear women's underwear?


Hello, doctor.
Since middle school, I have been secretly taking my mother's underwear to wear, and after turning 20, I started buying my own online.
Now, every time I see women's lingerie, stockings, or sexy women's clothing online, I can't help but buy them.
I wear them about three times a week, and during masturbation, I only enjoy watching adult films featuring mature women.
I want to quit my fetish and Oedipus complex, but I also don't want to stop.
What should I do?

Yang, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/08/09

Dr. Wu Yuanxin reply Psychiatry


Hello, regarding your inquiry, it is quite complex and involves personal privacy.
I recommend visiting the clinic in person to discuss it with the physician, which will allow for further assistance.
Wishing you peace and good health.

Reply Date: 2023/08/09

More Info


Fetishism, particularly when it involves a strong obsession with specific items like lingerie, can be a complex issue that intertwines with personal identity, sexual expression, and psychological well-being. It's important to approach this topic with sensitivity and an understanding of the nuances involved.

From your description, it seems that your interest in lingerie and related items has been a part of your life for quite some time, starting from your teenage years. This kind of fetishism can often be rooted in various psychological factors, including early experiences, emotional associations, and even cultural influences. The fact that you feel conflicted about wanting to engage in this behavior while also wanting to stop indicates a level of internal struggle that is common among individuals with fetishistic interests.

Firstly, it’s essential to recognize that having a fetish is not inherently problematic. Many people have fetishes that are harmless and do not interfere with their daily lives or relationships. However, when the fetish begins to cause distress, interfere with personal relationships, or lead to compulsive behaviors, it may be time to seek help.

Here are some steps you might consider taking:
1. Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your feelings regarding your fetish. What does wearing lingerie mean to you? How does it make you feel? Understanding the emotional and psychological aspects of your fetish can provide insight into why it holds such significance for you.

2. Journaling: Keeping a journal can help you articulate your thoughts and feelings about your fetish. Write about your experiences, your feelings when you wear lingerie, and your thoughts about wanting to stop. This can help clarify your emotions and motivations.

3. Therapy: Consider seeking therapy with a mental health professional who specializes in sexual health or fetishism. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings without judgment and help you understand the underlying issues related to your fetish. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing compulsive behaviors and helping you develop healthier coping mechanisms.

4. Support Groups: Look for support groups or online communities where individuals with similar experiences share their stories. Connecting with others who understand your situation can provide comfort and insight.

5. Setting Boundaries: If you decide that you want to reduce your engagement with your fetish, consider setting boundaries for yourself. For example, you might limit the frequency with which you purchase lingerie or engage in related activities. Gradually reducing your engagement can help you regain a sense of control.

6. Exploring Alternatives: Sometimes, individuals with fetishes find that exploring other forms of sexual expression can help. This could involve trying new activities, exploring different aspects of your sexuality, or finding new interests that fulfill you in different ways.

7. Understanding the Role of Fantasy: It's also important to recognize that fantasies can be a healthy part of sexual expression. If your interest in lingerie is primarily fantasy-based and does not negatively impact your life, it may be worth considering how to integrate this aspect of your sexuality in a balanced way.

Ultimately, the decision to embrace or reduce your fetishistic behaviors is a personal one. It’s crucial to approach this journey with compassion for yourself and an understanding that sexual interests can be complex. Seeking professional guidance can provide you with the tools and support needed to navigate your feelings and make informed decisions about your sexual health and well-being.

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