Overcoming Sleep Talking: How to Stop Calling Your Ex's Name - Psychiatry

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The other me in my dreams?


Hello, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about seven months.
She mentioned that I sometimes call out my ex-girlfriend's name while I sleep, which bothers her a lot.
I truly love my current girlfriend and understand that my previous relationship is in the past.
I really don't want to call out someone else's name while I'm sleeping, and it has been quite frustrating for me.
Even though some time has passed, I still find myself calling out her name.
What should I do? I don't know how to stop this from happening in my sleep, and I don't want to hurt my girlfriend because of this issue.

HAN, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/02/03

Dr. Lin Yanhong reply Psychiatry


Hello, your question is very interesting.
Do you shout every time you sleep? Is it always because you are dreaming, and in those dreams, you are calling out to your ex-girlfriend? From a medical perspective, it is unlikely to have the same dream repeatedly over several days.
Have you considered that your current girlfriend might be probing into your past relationships? Perhaps I am overthinking this, but it might be possible to use medication temporarily to adjust the phenomenon of dreaming.

Reply Date: 2004/02/03

More Info


It sounds like you are experiencing a common phenomenon known as "sleep talking" or somniloquy, which can be quite distressing for both you and your current girlfriend. Sleep talking can occur for various reasons, including stress, anxiety, or even remnants of past relationships that linger in your subconscious. The fact that you are calling out your ex's name in your sleep may indicate that there are unresolved feelings or memories associated with that relationship, even if you consciously believe you have moved on.

First and foremost, it's important to understand that sleep talking is generally harmless and often occurs during lighter stages of sleep. However, it can be disruptive to your partner and may lead to misunderstandings or feelings of insecurity. Here are some strategies that may help you reduce or eliminate sleep talking:
1. Improve Sleep Hygiene: Establish a consistent sleep schedule by going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. Create a relaxing bedtime routine that helps signal to your body that it's time to wind down. This could include activities such as reading, meditating, or taking a warm bath.

2. Manage Stress and Anxiety: Since stress can exacerbate sleep talking, consider incorporating stress-reduction techniques into your daily routine. This might include mindfulness meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises. Journaling before bed can also help you process any lingering thoughts or emotions from the day.

3. Limit Stimulants: Avoid caffeine and nicotine, especially in the hours leading up to bedtime. These substances can interfere with your ability to fall asleep and may contribute to restless sleep.

4. Discuss with Your Partner: Open communication with your girlfriend about your sleep talking can help alleviate some of the tension. Let her know that you are aware of the issue and are actively working to address it. This can foster understanding and patience on her part.

5. Seek Professional Help: If your sleep talking persists or worsens, it may be beneficial to consult a sleep specialist or a psychologist. They can help identify any underlying issues that may be contributing to your sleep disturbances and provide tailored strategies for improvement.

6. Consider Therapy: If you feel that unresolved feelings about your past relationship are affecting your current one, talking to a therapist may help. They can assist you in processing those emotions and developing healthier coping mechanisms.

7. Avoid Alcohol: Alcohol can disrupt your sleep cycle and may increase the likelihood of sleep talking. Reducing or eliminating alcohol consumption, especially before bed, may help improve your sleep quality.

8. Sleep Environment: Ensure that your sleep environment is conducive to restful sleep. This includes a comfortable mattress and pillows, a dark and quiet room, and a cool temperature.

In conclusion, while sleep talking can be a nuisance, it is often manageable with the right strategies. By focusing on improving your sleep hygiene, managing stress, and communicating openly with your girlfriend, you can work towards reducing this behavior. If the problem persists, seeking professional guidance can provide additional support and solutions. Remember, the goal is to create a peaceful sleep environment for both you and your partner, allowing you to enjoy your relationship without the interference of past memories.

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