Emotional Instability: Coping with Family Conflict and Trauma

Emotional instability?

Hello, doctor.
I am reaching out because I have experienced this situation many times.
I have a younger brother in fifth grade, but he does not have these issues.
My parents often argue, and it has become increasingly severe since I was in elementary school.
I have gotten used to their minor disputes, but during major fights, my dad says very hurtful things, like telling us to go die.
I don’t know why, but even though I have heard these words many times, I still feel breathless, dizzy, and anxious every time.
Additionally, I am aware of my dad's possible infidelity, but I am afraid to tell anyone.
They have also fought physically on two occasions.
My own situation is that sometimes during their major arguments, I suddenly feel breathless, unable to stop crying, weak all over, screaming, hitting things, shaking, and dizzy.
Furthermore, my dad may have some personality issues; he becomes unmanageable during arguments, ranting and hysterical, but he forgets everything afterward.
The first severe incident happened in fifth grade when I lost control and kept screaming.
My dad kept saying things that triggered me, which made me completely break down.
Now, even when I hear someone suddenly yell (not at me), I become very anxious, my heart races, and just recently, when I got home, my dad started lecturing me about yesterday's incident, berating my mom harshly.
I unconsciously began to feel breathless, tears streaming down my face, and I felt dizzy.
I have also had many traumatic experiences since childhood, such as when my dad drove extremely fast out of anger, pretending to crash into others, or constantly complaining about various expenses and blaming my mom, which I had to process all by myself.
It has been very difficult.
However, I am generally a cheerful person outside; I just feel that life has been very unfair to me.
I would like to ask the doctor what might be causing these situations.
Thank you for listening, doctor.

cc, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2024/03/15

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
The described situation of unstable emotional control is a response to external stimuli (such as the father's behavior).
While it may be somewhat intense, it can also be considered a form of emotional release.
If you feel troubled by this reaction, you may seek evaluation and consultation from a pediatric mental health specialist to facilitate improvement.

Reply Date: 2024/03/15

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of emotional distress due to the ongoing conflicts in your family, particularly between your parents. The environment you describe is filled with tension, which can have profound effects on your emotional well-being. It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed, anxious, and even physically affected by these situations.
From a psychological perspective, growing up in a household with frequent arguments and emotional volatility can lead to various emotional and behavioral issues. Children and adolescents exposed to such environments often develop heightened sensitivity to conflict, which can manifest as anxiety, panic attacks, or even physical symptoms like shortness of breath and dizziness, as you have described. This is a natural response to a stressful environment, where the body goes into a fight-or-flight mode, leading to symptoms of anxiety.

Your father’s hurtful comments during arguments, such as telling you to "go die," can be particularly damaging. Such statements can create a sense of fear and helplessness, leading to feelings of worthlessness and anxiety. It’s important to recognize that these experiences can leave lasting emotional scars, and it’s not uncommon for individuals in similar situations to struggle with their mental health later in life.

The fact that you have developed physical reactions to conflict, such as crying uncontrollably or feeling faint, suggests that your body is responding to stress in a very real way. This is often referred to as psychosomatic response, where emotional distress manifests as physical symptoms. It’s crucial to address these feelings and reactions, as they can escalate if left unprocessed.

You mentioned that you feel like you have to "digest" all the negativity from your parents, which can be an immense burden for anyone, especially a young person. It’s essential to find healthy outlets for these emotions. Engaging in activities that promote relaxation and emotional expression, such as journaling, art, or physical exercise, can be beneficial. Additionally, talking to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or a mental health professional, can provide relief and help you process your feelings.

Given the complexity of your situation, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your specific experiences and help you work through the trauma associated with your family dynamics. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

In conclusion, your experiences are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge the impact that your family environment has had on your emotional health. Seeking help is a courageous step towards healing, and it can lead to a better understanding of yourself and your emotions. Remember, you are not alone in this, and support is available to help you navigate these challenges.

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