Overcoming First Night Fears: Tips for a Comfortable Wedding Night

Q: Overcoming First Night Fears: Tips for a Comfortable Wedding Night

Hello： There is no need to worry too much about the elasticity of the female vagina, so concerns about tearing or whether a small vaginal opening will affect the insertion of the male genitalia or cause it to get stuck are unfounded. <br>To alleviate pain during the first experie

How to alleviate pain on the first night?

Hello, I am getting married in May, but I still have no experience with sexual intercourse.
Every time we engage in foreplay, when my fiancé wants to touch my genital area more intimately or wants to penetrate, I feel uncomfortable and stop.
I have never deeply touched my own vagina, let alone someone else's.
Even when I touch myself, it feels strange and not very comfortable.
Both my fiancé and I are inexperienced in sexual activities and do not know how to improve this situation.
How can I overcome this fear? Additionally, I have the following questions:
1.
If the vaginal opening is too small, will it affect the insertion of the male genitalia?
2.
If the vaginal opening is too small, could it cause severe tearing or intense pain after intercourse?
3.
Is there a concern about the vaginal opening being too small during sexual intercourse?
4.
If the vaginal opening is too small or if I am too tense, could the male genitalia get stuck and not come out?
5.
Are there any relevant books that teach proper sexual positions, preferably with illustrations? Although adult films provide some guidance, my fiancé says he knows, but I still feel anxious.
6.
How can I reduce pain during the first time?
7.
Are there specific positions for the first time that can minimize pain? What position is best for the first time?
8.
After the first sexual intercourse, what precautions should I take?
9.
I remember receiving the German measles vaccine in elementary or middle school.
Since I am getting married and planning to conceive, do I need to get vaccinated again? How long is the effectiveness of the antibodies? Should I get tested for antibodies? Is antibody testing out-of-pocket, or is it covered by insurance?
I have many questions; thank you for your help!

Zhuanbian zhong de xiaonühai, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/03/29

Dr. Lü Lizheng reply Obstetrics and Gynecology

Hello: There is no need to worry too much about the elasticity of the female vagina, so concerns about tearing or whether a small vaginal opening will affect the insertion of the male genitalia or cause it to get stuck are unfounded.
To alleviate pain during the first experience, you can purchase a lubricant from the pharmacy and apply it beforehand.
The normal vaginal opening is located between the labia, just below the urethral opening.
You can use a mirror to check it yourself, and even use clean fingers to gently explore and become accustomed to it, which will help reduce fear.
During intercourse, you can guide the male penis to the correct position.
If there is slight tearing during intercourse, it will typically stop bleeding on its own, and applying an anti-inflammatory ointment will suffice.
If you have received the German measles vaccine, you generally do not need to get vaccinated again.
If you are concerned, you can have a blood test to check for antibodies.
Sincerely, Dr.
Lu Li-Cheng, Obstetrics and Gynecology.

Reply Date: 2004/03/29

More Info

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It's completely normal to feel anxious about your first night, especially when it comes to intimacy. Many people share similar concerns, and it's important to approach this experience with understanding and preparation. Here are some tips and insights to help you overcome your fears and make your wedding night comfortable.

Understanding Your Fears
1. Communication with Your Partner: Open communication with your fiancé is crucial. Discuss your feelings, fears, and expectations regarding intimacy. This can help both of you feel more connected and less anxious.

2. Take Your Time: There’s no rush to engage in penetrative sex. Focus on building intimacy through kissing, touching, and exploring each other’s bodies. This can help you become more comfortable with physical affection.

3. Self-Exploration: If you feel comfortable, try to explore your own body. Understanding what feels good for you can help alleviate some anxiety. This can also help you communicate your preferences to your partner.

Addressing Your Specific Concerns
1. Vaginal Size and Comfort: It's common to worry about whether your vaginal opening is too small. Generally, the vagina is elastic and can accommodate different sizes. If you experience discomfort, it may be due to tension or anxiety rather than anatomical issues.

2. Pain and Discomfort: First-time experiences can sometimes be uncomfortable, but there are ways to minimize pain. Engaging in foreplay can help increase arousal and lubrication, making penetration easier. If you feel pain, communicate with your partner and take breaks if necessary.

3. Positions for Comfort: Certain positions may be more comfortable for first-time intercourse. The missionary position or side-by-side positions can allow for more control and comfort. You can also experiment with angles to find what feels best for you.

4. Aftercare: After your first experience, take time to cuddle and talk. This can help reinforce intimacy and comfort. If you experience any pain or discomfort, don’t hesitate to consult a healthcare provider.

Vaccination and Health Concerns
Regarding your vaccination history, the German measles (rubella) vaccine is important for women planning to conceive. If you received the vaccine in childhood, you may still have immunity, but it's a good idea to check with your healthcare provider. They may recommend a blood test to check your rubella immunity levels. This test is typically covered by health insurance, but it's best to confirm with your provider.

Resources for Education
There are many resources available to help you learn about sexual health and intimacy. Look for books that focus on sexual education for couples, which often include diagrams and practical advice. Some recommended titles include:
- "The Guide to Getting It On" by Paul Joannides
- "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski
- "The New Joy of Sex" by Alex Comfort
These books can provide valuable insights and help you feel more prepared.

Final Thoughts
Remember, intimacy is a journey, and it’s perfectly okay to take your time. Focus on building trust and comfort with your partner. If anxiety persists, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual health. They can provide additional strategies to help you navigate your feelings and improve your experience.

Wishing you a beautiful wedding night and a fulfilling relationship ahead!

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