What should I do?
Hello Dr.
Yeh,
I've been feeling really down lately.
My learning ability seems to be worse than others; while my classmates grasp concepts quickly, I often find myself needing to ask the teacher for clarification, which has led to some of them viewing me as bothersome.
I'm not naturally talkative, and my classmates don’t engage with me much.
Their attitudes haven't been great either.
For instance, today I tried to borrow some items from a few classmates, but they insisted it wasn't their responsibility and refused to help, which made me very angry.
Some classmates have also changed their behavior towards me compared to last semester.
During our computer class today, we were supposed to work in groups, but no one wanted to partner with me, so I ended up working alone.
Eventually, I teamed up with one classmate, hoping we could collaborate and share the workload.
However, he either did nothing or just browsed the internet.
When I asked him to borrow a blade from someone else while I handled the drawing, his attitude nearly pushed me over the edge.
I felt like telling the teacher that I’d rather work alone from now on; after all, I’m used to being on my own! It feels like I'm trying to revive a dead horse—maybe there's still hope, but no matter how hard I try, it seems destined to fail.
Some say that others are a reflection of ourselves, but I haven't done anything to them! In the dorm, I adjust the air conditioning to their preferred temperature, which often leaves me freezing, or it’s too noisy and bothersome, making me reluctant to return to the dorm.
My cognitive abilities seem to be declining; during summer vacation, I enjoyed being with my family, but now that school has started (it has already begun), I have no desire to study, even though I only have one year left until graduation.
If it weren't for the unique knowledge I gain at school, I might have already dropped out, even though my grades are all passing.
I want to connect with them, but talking too much exhausts me and leaves me with no personal time.
To prepare for future exams, I’ve planned to study hard this semester, but it feels so oppressive.
I don’t trust the school counselors; it’s not that I don’t believe in them, but I fear that sharing my struggles would only become gossip or a weakness for me.
Shehui Bianren, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/09/24
Dr. Ye Baozhuan reply Psychiatry
Social Marginalization: 1.
You made a mistake with your first statement; those who ask teachers when they don't understand actually have stronger learning abilities than others.
It's only those who pretend to understand when they don't that are truly foolish.
"Knowledge is about learning to ask questions," as our teachers used to tell us.
2.
Loneliness is a gift from God.
Those who can enjoy solitude have the most refined taste because they know how to savor and appreciate themselves and coexist with their own company.
Some people may seem sociable, but in reality, they sacrifice their own principles, which leads to true suffering.
If you are in college, you've already been alone for three years.
At first glance, it may seem pitiful, but in fact, it is not.
Use this time to truly reflect on yourself and appreciate who you are, like a wolf in the wilderness!
Reply Date: 2004/09/24
More Info
Hello, I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your struggles. It sounds like you are experiencing a challenging time at school, and I want to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Many students face similar issues, and it’s important to address them in a constructive way.
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that everyone has different learning paces and styles. Just because you may need to ask questions or take more time to understand certain concepts doesn’t mean you are less capable. It’s perfectly okay to seek clarification from teachers or peers. In fact, asking questions is a sign of engagement and a desire to learn, which is commendable. You might consider forming study groups with classmates who are more understanding and supportive, as this can create a more collaborative learning environment.
Regarding your interactions with classmates, it’s unfortunate that you’ve encountered negative attitudes. Social dynamics can be complex, especially in school settings. It might help to focus on building relationships with those who are more open and friendly. Sometimes, people may not realize how their words or actions affect others, and it could be beneficial to communicate your feelings directly, if you feel comfortable doing so. However, if that feels too daunting, try to engage with classmates in low-pressure situations, such as group activities or shared interests outside of academics.
Feeling isolated during group work can be particularly disheartening. If you find yourself in a situation where you are working alone, it’s okay to express your preference for collaboration. You could say something like, “I really value teamwork and would love to work together to achieve a good outcome.” This approach can sometimes encourage others to be more cooperative.
Your feelings of frustration and anger are understandable, especially when you perceive unfair treatment. It’s important to find healthy outlets for these emotions. Consider journaling your thoughts or talking to someone you trust about how you feel. Engaging in physical activities, such as sports or exercise, can also help alleviate stress and improve your mood.
Regarding your academic pressures, it’s commendable that you are planning to study hard for your future exams. However, it’s essential to balance your studies with self-care. Overloading yourself with work can lead to burnout, which may further diminish your motivation. Set realistic goals for your study sessions, and allow yourself breaks to recharge. Remember, it’s okay to take time for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy.
If you feel uncomfortable speaking to the school counselor, consider seeking support from trusted adults outside of school, such as family members or mentors. They can provide guidance and may help you navigate your feelings and experiences without fear of judgment.
Lastly, remember that your mental health is just as important as your academic performance. If you find that your feelings of anxiety, frustration, or isolation persist, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Mental health professionals can provide strategies and support tailored to your needs, helping you cope with the challenges you face.
In summary, you are not alone in your struggles, and there are ways to cope with the challenges you are experiencing at school. Focus on building supportive relationships, communicate your needs, balance your studies with self-care, and seek help when necessary. You have the strength to navigate this difficult time, and I wish you all the best in your journey ahead.
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