Pain During Intercourse: A Guide for New Partners

Sexual activity

Hello, doctor.
I recently started having sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, and I have never had sexual intercourse before.
When I wear a condom, I can easily penetrate her, but when I try to penetrate her without a condom, my glans hurts a lot, making it impossible to enter her.
Why is this happening, and how can I resolve this issue?

acer, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2001/04/20

Dr. Lin Mingxing reply Family Medicine

Men and women enter the phase of sexual arousal at different rates.
Typically, men reach the arousal stage more quickly, while women may not yet be in the excitement phase, resulting in insufficient vaginal lubrication.
If a man is eager to penetrate at this time, it can often lead to pain for both partners and even cause tearing.
When you first engage in sexual activity, it is advisable to extend the duration of foreplay.
This not only enhances emotional intimacy but also ensures that there is adequate lubrication, allowing both partners to enjoy the sexual experience rather than just the act of intercourse.
While condoms can assist with lubrication, mutual cooperation is key to ensuring comfort during sexual activity.

Reply Date: 2001/04/20

More Info

Experiencing pain during intercourse can be a distressing issue for both partners, especially for someone who is new to sexual activity. The discomfort you are describing, particularly when not using a condom, could be attributed to several factors, and understanding these can help you and your girlfriend navigate this situation more comfortably.

Possible Causes of Pain During Intercourse
1. Lack of Arousal or Lubrication: One of the most common reasons for pain during intercourse is insufficient arousal or lubrication. If your girlfriend is not fully aroused, her vaginal tissues may not be adequately lubricated, leading to friction and discomfort. It’s essential to ensure that both partners are fully engaged and aroused before attempting penetration. Foreplay can significantly enhance arousal and increase natural lubrication.

2. Anxiety or Tension: Anxiety about sexual performance or the act itself can lead to muscle tension, particularly in the pelvic area. This tension can make penetration painful. Open communication with your partner about any fears or concerns can help alleviate anxiety and create a more relaxed atmosphere.

3. Vaginal Conditions: Conditions such as vaginismus (involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles) or vulvodynia (chronic pain in the vulvar area) can also cause pain during intercourse. If your girlfriend has a history of discomfort or pain in that area, it may be worth consulting a healthcare professional for a thorough evaluation.

4. Infection or Inflammation: Infections, such as yeast infections or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), can cause pain during intercourse. If there are any unusual symptoms, such as itching, burning, or unusual discharge, it’s crucial to seek medical advice.

5. Physical Factors: Sometimes, anatomical factors can play a role. For instance, if there is a significant difference in size or if there are any physical abnormalities, this could lead to discomfort.

Steps to Address the Issue
1. Communication: Talk openly with your girlfriend about the discomfort you are experiencing. Discussing your feelings and experiences can help both of you understand each other better and work together to find solutions.

2. Foreplay and Lubrication: Spend more time on foreplay to ensure that your girlfriend is adequately aroused. Additionally, consider using a water-based lubricant to reduce friction during penetration. This can enhance comfort for both partners.

3. Go Slow: If you decide to try penetration again, take it slow. Gradually ease into the process, allowing your girlfriend to guide you on what feels comfortable for her.
4. Consult a Healthcare Professional: If the pain persists despite trying these strategies, it may be beneficial for both you and your girlfriend to consult a healthcare professional. A doctor or a sexual health specialist can provide personalized advice and rule out any underlying medical conditions.

5. Education: Educate yourselves about sexual health and anatomy. Understanding how your bodies work can help demystify the experience and reduce anxiety.

Conclusion
Pain during intercourse is not uncommon, especially for those who are new to sexual experiences. By fostering open communication, ensuring adequate arousal and lubrication, and seeking professional advice if necessary, you can work towards a more comfortable and enjoyable sexual relationship. Remember, it’s essential to prioritize both partners' comfort and well-being in any intimate relationship.

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